A Bit Of His Past
by Selena Hufflepuff
Summary: It’s around Christmas on the Order of the Phoenix and Remus Lupin wants to give a special gift to Nymphadora Tonks. He was insecure about her reaction but when they finally exchange presents he gets a surprise he’ll never forget.
1. A Bit Of His Past

Disclaimer:

It's not mine, it's all J. K. Rowling, bless her for that! I only own the plot and by the way no profit is being made.

Summary:

It's around Christmas on the Order of the Phoenix and Remus Lupin wants to give a special gift to Nymphadora Tonks. He was insecure about her reaction but when they finally exchange presents he gets a surprise he'll never forget.

A Bit Of His Past

It was Christmas Eve and in Hogsmeade everybody was shopping for gifts for everybody. Remus Lupin walked the street all alone, hands on his pockets, his breathing making small clouds in front of his mouth. Not that he had much money, he thought sadly, but he wanted to give her something special. She was such a wonderful girl, always smiling and joking. She was, ever since they met, a good friend and she was one of the few people who definitely didn't mind that he was a werewolf.

Remus walked along shops full of classy clothing, but none of that had much to do with Nymphadora, she was just different her own way. He stood in front of a shop window showing amazing jewellery and though he hadn't got a galleon, even though those things wouldn't fit Nymphadora Tonks either, he suddenly felt the urge to enter the shop and buy her one of those beautiful necklaces or bracelets that were exposed on the windows.

Remus sighed deeply wondering what she would say if he gave her one of those and smiled imagining her reaction, she probably wouldn't like it, or felt awkward about such a present, after all they were just good friends. But then again she was not one to feel awkward at any gift, specially coming from a friend and anyway he couldn't afford it, so there was no point in thinking about it. So smiling he turned away deciding to disaparate directly to the shabby cottage he owned on the surroundings of London, aware that he couldn't buy any gift for anybody, or at least nothing expensive since he had already shop for the Weasleys and the others saving, absent-mindedly, Nymphadora Tonks for last.

Now that he thought about it, she was the only one for whom he hadn't buy anything, probably because he couldn't figure out what she would like to receive, being as she was, so much younger then himself, they surely not share many interests. Of course she would be happy with any gift, though she had her own and peculiar taste but he wanted to give her something special. He didn't know why though, maybe because she was so full of joy that made him laugh all the time, maybe because she was his dear friend and an outstanding professional, having saved several lives throughout the world ever since she became an Auror, or perhaps, he confessed if only to himself, because she was young, and beautiful, and charming, and funny, laughing smartly at his jokes and… he trailed off his dangerous line of thought. Sure enough she was all of those things but he didn't felt _that way_ about her, not her of all people. He had been suppressing his emotional life long enough because of his _differences_ to fall for a girl that deserved so much more than himself. Not that it made any difference how he felt for her, she wouldn't ever be romantically interested in a much older, poor and dangerous werewolf anyway.

Anyway Nymphadora needed a gift he smiled to himself recalling all the nonsense he had just been thinking about dear Tonks. He actually laughed aloud at himself for being such a thinker, he must have knocked his head while sleeping last night. Of course she filled his heart with joy and tenderness with her unique qualities and woke up all his gentlemanly manners because of her gracious clumsiness but he would never, ever think of her as more than just a dear friend. What was he thinking anyway, anyone who could read his mind would believe he was in denial, which it was a lie since he wasn't.

_Gift!_ He thought thoroughly _Nymphadora needs a gift and a very special one indeed!_ He decided as to prove himself that she still was a very special girl to him though he didn't… feel anything close to… that magical and frightening feeling that warmed people's hearts… for her.

He started gingerly searching for something to give her and then the answer came to his mind when he saw it in a shelf. Suddenly he realized why he had decided to go there in the first place, of course it was his parents' home, his only heirloom, and the only place he could find something of his own to give her, but he became conscious that all this time he had that particular gift on his mind for her. She would certainly love that and he wouldn't have to spend a knut though he definitely wouldn't mind to spend thousands of Galleons on her should he have them.

It was finally Christmas morning and Remus woke up with a strange feeling of nervousness that had nothing to do with Voldemort or his Death Eaters. It was just that he was uncertain of how people would receive his gifts, how would Nymphadora receive his gift actually, he thought wryly. Maybe it was why he had decided to sleep in his own place for that night, perhaps he needed to be alone to calm himself down. _After all it was nothing special, only too friends exchanging Christmas presents nothing more_, he reproached himself.

Half an hour later he was ringing the bell at Grymauld Place forgetting that the noise would wake Sirius mother up. He waited patiently while Molly yelled at him in time with Mrs. Black for waking her up, even as he helped her closing the curtains around the portrait.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Molly!" he said at last with a guilty smile when he was completely sure she had finished with him already. Suddenly Molly started to cry, hugging him limply over the shoulders. Remus was perplexed with her unexpected outburst.

"He returned the sweater I made him Remus, Percy that is!" she explained trying desperately to dry out her tears.

"Don' t worry Mum, his nothing but rat droppings!" said one of the twins entering the room while the other laughed hard and Remus gave them both a warning look, making them fled up the stairs shamelessly, probably with the intent of making fun of Harry and Ron or Hermione and Ginny, who knew.

He had just managed to calm Molly down, sending her to the kitchen where she would cook a nice breakfast for everyone, when the bell rang again.

"Who's there this time?" shouted Sirius, who had minutes before merely wave his friend from one corridor, choosing to run away from Molly's shouts. He strode in large and heavy paces to the front door. With a thud and a metal sound a girl's yelp filled the room and Remus smiled inwardly guessing who had just rang the bell.

"Oh for Heaven's sake Tonks, haven't we told you yet you should not ring the bell?" asked Sirius while Remus, all alone, attempted desperately to close the curtains on the face of the screaming woman "And why Tonks, why can't you see this enormous umbrella stand that is standing just in front of your nose?

Finally Remus turned his attention to the entrance hall and sure enough there, fell on the ground, with several colourful wraps spread all around her, stood Nymphadora Tonks, the girl he was just hoping and frighten to see. When he watched her fallen helpless on the ground he felt the most strange stirring run up his spine, like he wanted nothing more then to sit down there with her all day long, all life long. He shook his head dismissively, wanting desperately to change the track of his thoughts.

"Hi Nymphadora!" complimented Remus with the softest smile on his lips while he shot his friend a pleading look. It was Christmas and she was his cousin after all. Remus offered his hand to the girl on the floor who took it more than willingly with an embarrassed smile towards him.

"Wotcha, Remus! I'm sorry Sirius, you know how clumsy I am and… Remus, have I mention that I don't like people calling me Nymphadora?" He wanted to tell her that she was not that clumsy but he refrained himself before anyone misunderstood him.

"Yes, now you talk about it I do recall you mentioning it once or twice _Nymphadora_!" he joked with her, his increasing smile never leaving his face and Sirius started to laugh. "Though I must say in my defence that I am not just any person, am I? Just so you know I am your friend and I don't like having to use your surname when you have such a beautiful given name." He told her against his best judgement. She looked mesmerised but didn't say a word and Sirius laughed even harder.

"Oh you two, always making me laugh! Now come on little cousin I forgive you, after all it's Christmas." He hugged her tight and she smiled lightly at both of them and followed Sirius towards the living room where he was rearranging the Christmas tree.

"You see, I'm having lunch with my Mum and Dad!" she was saying and Remus felt an unexpected prang sinking in his stomach, of what exactly he didn't know… disappointment perhaps "I just stopped by to leave my presents." she finished offering a wrap to Sirius and placing one another in Remus hands.

"Great!" Sirius immediately unwrapped his gift and whistled in appreciation. "Now that's a thought Tonks, giving me this new set of robes, I haven't realise I was in a lack of new clothing. Always considerate like your dear mother, thank you very much!" he finished giving her a kiss on the cheek but she smiled distractedly.

"Aren't you going to open your present?" she asked anxiously staring at Lupin and only then he realized he had been analysing his own wrap cautiously.

"Oh yes, of course!" he said nervously starting to unwrap the present while Sirius resumed his work whistling cheerily. All this time, Remus acknowledged, Nymphadora had been looking at him intently, while biting her lip nervously. Apparently she was as nervous as him about what he would think about her own gift, but there was no need because it was a wonderful present, a golden clock with a large and heavy chain.

"Well, well, well!" said Sirius approvingly "Gold from a lady, that's new Remus!" Lupin shot him an annoyed look and smiled frankly at her.

"That's really nice of you Nymphadora since I've actually never been given gold by a lady before, I'll thank you for that!" she looked somehow sheepish but smiled anyway and he smiled back at her happily "Not that I've been given much gold from anyone, anyway." This time all of them laughed cheerfully.

"Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus!" she said very softly and something inside him melted at her voice though he couldn't exactly define what did it. "Now it's my turn boys!" she said laughing brightly with her hands outstretched.

"Oh, oh, of course, sorry!" said Lupin nervously, searching for her gift and Sirius gave him a strange look that he smartly ignored. Remus waited for her to open Sirius gift that he had thrown her through the air and she didn't took long scratching the paper to see some colourful, but somehow classy, dress robes.

"Thanks cos'!" she said hugging him after putting the robes in front of her, spinning around to see the effect. Remus's mind raced in images of her dressing those same robes and he felt warm and giddy at the same time. Therefore he couldn't fight the sudden bit of jealousy he felt towards his best friend who could afford the best, while all he could offer her was…

"Now open Remus's gift before he has a fit!" Remus didn't like Sirius's tone of voice, it sounded like he had some suspicions of his own but ignored him all the same and offered her the purposefully colourful wrap, his hands trembling when she took the gift softly, her hands rubbing his and making him shiver slightly at the contact. Sirius never took his eyes from them, interested as he sure was now about their exchange of courtesies. For Remus delight and nervousness Nymphadora took her time unwrapping his present as though to truly appreciate the moment. He was observing the movements of her hands in awe and just as anxiously as she had done it before with his own. He couldn't tore his eyes away from her beautiful face and he swallowed hard at her sight. She was biting her lower lip distractedly, her bubblegum coloured hair framing her pale heart-shaped face and brown eyes. Suddenly his mouth went dry, his heartbeat accelerated and he felt a knot forming in his stomach. She was definitely beautiful if not stunning just standing there in front of him.

Finally she got rid of the wrap paper and was looking at it. An old, very used book, with its cover bending with the weight of the pages. She smiled candidly opening the book with interest.

"That's fantastic Remus, I've always wanted to have a copy of this book! Thank you very, very much!" Her smile was truly sincere and Remus breathing went out freely, he did not realize his breath had caught in his lungs and he smiled encouraged by her words.

"I…it's nothing really, I just thought since I couldn't buy you a present myself I should at least give you something I bought, even if it was in a distant past." He shrugged his shoulders dismissively but smiled sheepishly at her, relishing secretly at the fact that she hadn't commented on the shabbiness of the book.

"What's with that?" asked Sirius looking surprised at the book.

"This, Sirius, it's the very first compendium of Transfiguration ever made, and there are only a few copies of it, isn't it Remus? And… Where did you got it, by the way? asked Tonks looking at Lupin with a sudden curiosity.

"You see Nymphadora, I got this book a long time ago in an auction!" he said ignoring both his friend sharp commentary and Tonks mocking annoyance by the use of her given name "You see, back then I was just has poor as I am right now but… anyway sorry it's falling to pieces, I read it a few times myself!" he apologized nervously.

"You mean it's used… you liked it very much didn't you? she asked looking truly satisfied.

"Well, as a matter of fact…"

"Wait a moment is that what I think it is?" Sirius lifted himself from the ground where he had been checking the tree's structure.

"Well actually…" Remus began, suddenly frightened since Sirius had discovered that, he shouldn't have known. Now he was going to be mocked for weeks for giving such a stupid thing to such an amazing girl.

"What's with it?" she asked curiously.

"It was the first thing he ever bought with his own earned money and he told me and James that he would keep it forever, even if he lost everything he would never get rid of that book. _Weird isn't it Tonks?_" yes, Remus remembered saying those words, he thought feeling all of a sudden very embarrassed. Well he did not intended for this to happen, now Sirius and Tonks would jump out for the wrong conclusion, or was it? Of course it was, he reprimanded himself. "I always told James though that if a beautiful girl wanted the book he would give it to her. And there he is now giving it to you willingly, that is saying something about yourself isn't it… _Nymphadora_?" said Sirius in an infuriating mocking tone of voice. Remus felt warm by his friend remark, not daring to meet her eyes. He didn't mean it that way, though definitely he wouldn't give that book to anyone else but her, so…

"There's a dedicatory inside!" he said wanting desperately to change the subject "Just read it please because…" he finally met her eyes and trailed off when he saw that they were full of something he could not totally define but that made him feel very warm inside. She was delighted and honoured beyond believe, but there was also a hint of fascination and something else he couldn't or didn't want to define just yet. She then lowered her eyes to the first page and, though Remus couldn't read it from where he was, he knew it by heart. He could even see his firm handwriting on the back of his head:

_To the most fascinating girl I have ever met! The girl whose eyes never once told a lie, let them always show the truth. Don't ever change your attitude Nymphadora, you are wonderful and the most beautiful and kind human being I have ever met. I can't give you anything valuable but here's to you a little bit of my past, a little bit of me!_

_Remus Lupin_

He had wrote it in a stroke of inspiration and reflected very hard on changing it, seeing as it was giving to much away, but anyway that was how he felt about her so he gathered his Gryffindor nerve and hadn't change it even a little bit.

"He wrote you something, have he now?" asked Sirius with a loud laugh. When Remus finally dared looking her on the face she was taking the book from Sirius's sight who apparently was very curious about what he had written his cousin. But what made Remus falter was that she had tears in her eyes and that caught him by surprise.

"Wha… don't cry Nymphadora, that's just a book I… I never meant to make you cry, please forgive me I…" Remus trailed off, instead of saying anything Nymphadora strode towards him and kissed him softly on the lips. He lost all sense of reality. He felt a strange surge of energy run through his veins when he felt that warm, soft, perfumed girl kissing him. He barely registered the thud of something falling to the ground but it ended all too soon and she broke apart leaving him panting breathless.

"That is not _just a book_ and you know it!" she whispered in his ear, her hands around his neck sending shivers all over his body "Thanks, that was my best gift ever!" she said pulling herself slowly away from him, a smile full of tears on her beautiful face. He was left speechless and mouth agape after what had just happened but his brain was racing in his head. She loved his book, loved it more than any other gift she had ever received, and she kissed him, Nymphadora Tonks had just kissed him in her own impulsiveness way and it was… wonderful. All of a sudden, he felt amazingly well with himself and with the world altogether. "Well I have to go, you do tell Molly and the others I stepped by to leave my presents, all right?" she said drying her tears with a faint smile on her lips. Remus watched her leave in awe, she was holding on to the book as if her very life depended on it. With his heart hammering hard against his ribs, he moistened his lips abstractedly.

Suddenly a sarcastic laugh brought him abruptly back to reality making him quiver slightly and close his eyes in embarrassment. He had almost forgotten Sirius was there, since he had kept silent, and when Remus dreadfully eyed his friend he was staring at him mouth still agape and a little angel on his hands. That certainly explained the thud he had heard, Sirius must have dropped the angel in utter surprise by Nymphadora's unexpected attitude.

"My, my! Moony's got kissed by little Nymphadora… and Moony liked it…" he said in a sing song tale tone of voice, laughing again and resuming his way up the ladder to fix the angel on the tree. "… liked it very much indeed."

"Oh shut up, Padfoot!" Remus replied looking distractedly at the door from where Nymphadora had just left and he ran his fingers nervously through his hair, still tingling in the absence of her contact.

He had to admit, if only to himself, that he secretly wanted that kiss a long time ago, ached for it and that probably was what made him search for something special for her. Though he honestly hadn't expected that turmoil of emotions, he had never felt that way before, for anyone.

"You would say she is overreacting over a stupid old book, wouldn't you Remus?"

"Would you please live me alone, Sirius?" he asked a little bit nervous by the sudden intrusion of his thoughts with such an amazing remark, barely noticing that he was playing with the chain of the clock she had just gave him.

He searched desperately for something to do that distracted his friend from what had just happened but he felt dizzy just to think of her, to think of how good the kiss felt, how wonderful it would be if they could be together. But that wouldn't do, she was so much younger than he was, she had a well-connected family, was a well succeeded professional and most of all too beautiful to give her life away by binding herself to an all too dangerous Werewolf. She deserved so much better than him, he thought, almost groaning at the frustration he felt. And then he suddenly understood what was happening to him, why he had felt the urge to buy her clothing and expensive jewellery, why he had had to give her something special, to give her that same book, why he unconsciously had been longing to kiss her. He was deeply in love with Nymphadora Tonks, so deep it hurt him. But he was not about to give it away, not to Sirius anyway he wasn't all that good in keeping that sort of secrets. It wasn't him who, for several times, had almost made it public that he was a Werewolf?

Suddenly Remus realized that Sirius was still watching him interested, humming softly to himself with a large, sarcastic smile on his face and he left without a word. Right then he wanted nothing more than to be anywhere but near his best friend.

Why, he thought, when had this happened? Of course they got on very well despite of the age difference and people even made jokes about how could they be such good friends being, as they were, too very different people, being actually exactly the opposite. He was a discrete and even aloof man at times and she was a bright and inquisitive girl. But no matter what he always had fun with her, and it was very easy actually, seeing as she was always nice and vibrant and didn't care a bit if he was a poor, old and quite dangerous Werewolf, including him always on her jokes and funny remarks. But despite all that he always had seen her as a good, even if dashing friend.

Right now he was pretty confused, why did she had to go and kiss him, why did she had to be so impulsive, why did her sincere eyes had to show him so many promises. Surely she didn't… feel the same way as he did. Of course she was always nice, her reaction to his gift was … thrilling really, even though she had left as if nothing had happened… well to tell the truth she seemed extremely unsettled by all that happened. But even if she could possibly like him more than just a good friend it could only be a crush or fascination for an older man, and anything else… or would it be… could she possibly… he shook his head vigorously, her reaction it was just… as confusing as his own feelings.

Well right now all he could do was hope for her to be careful not to fall for him as he already had fallen for her. Heading to the kitchen Remus decided in her best interest that he would not make a move to encourage Nymphadora or himself in such a dangerous field as… love.

Author's note:

I hope you enjoy this little fic as much as I do. Please read and review, I will appreciate it a lot.


	2. Don't Say It, Please

­Disclaimer: The characters still J. K. R., not mine unfortunately.

Summary:  
It's June on the _Order of the Phoenix_, and _some people _in Grymauld Place receive an alarming message from Snape. Harry Potter and his friends are in danger and they need to be rescued. In the middle of all that Remus and Nymphadora must face their feelings for one another.

This chapter is initially from Tonks Point of view but in the end it's from Lupin's perspective.

A Bit Of His Past

Chapter II

Don't Say It, Please 

Nymphadora Tonks stood at the door of number 12, Grymauld Place and distractedly rang the bell, waiting in the calm and warm nightfall of June for someone to open it. She had received an urgent Patronus from Dumbledore just about an hour ago. She and a few of other Members of the Order Of The Phoenix were supposed to gather here, on the Head-Quarters, that same evening to talk about the strategy they had to follow now that the Headmaster was out of Hogwarts. She still couldn't believe that Dumbledore had left the castle and that the school was now in the hands of that horrible woman, Dolores Umbridge.

Finally the door fell open and there he was, a friendly smile and sad eyes looking into her face. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of Remus Lupin, the man she had been thinking just before the message arrived. Well actually she had been thinking a lot about him lately. To tell the truth he didn't much left her thoughts from the time when they first met each other, but ever since he gave her that special book over Christmas, the thoughts including him increased ten times. And right then, feeling him so close, she didn't want nothing more than to just kiss him again, like she had done on Christmas day! But she knew better then to do it once more, especially outside the house; just by staying there they might be at risk. _Anyway he probably wouldn't like it that much or would he?_ She shook her head slowly. Well Tonks didn't want to think about it just now, and in any case she wouldn't push her luck again at least until she found out how he felt about her. The truth was that she wouldn't fancy being rejected by the man she cared so much about.

"Hi Nymphadora, are you going to come in or do you prefer to stay outside?" he said with an amused expression on his endearing face. She blinked a few times while trying to put herself together and smiled back a little embarrassed. Only then she noticed she had been staring at him but shrugged the thought smartly. She wasn't one to get embarrassed easily.

"Hi Remus!" she said smiling openly at him now " You see, I don't know if I want to come in and stay locked in that creepy house for a couple of hours, boring myself to death with receiving instructions from Dumbledore, while I could very well be outside fighting a bunch of Death Eaters or… or even Voldemort himself."

"Very amusing, Nymphadora!" he retorted not smiling and looking very worried all of a sudden "Now seriously you better come in, outside it's not safe and you know it."

"Of course I know that, but that's exactly why I want to remain here!" she saw him getting increasingly pale and smiled inwardly at it. She knew how much he worried about her security and always had enjoyed needling him about her liking for dangerous situations; he always got so upset at her boldness.

"Enough talking Nymphadora, and please…"

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me for a walk?" she added smiling broadly "No one needs to know, will be back in… let's say a couple of hours when the meeting is finished!" he actually laughed at that and his eyes brightened immediately making her heart leap with joy.

"Well Nymphadora, as much appealing as your invitation is, I must unfortunately decline it!" he answered jokingly "Right now Dumbledore needs us so come in already!" he finished pulling her inside. He closed the door behind them and she sighed dramatically.

"Well if I really must to, but please don't call me…"

"Nymphadora, yes I know!" He completed her sentence laughing brightly and she laughed with him.

Tonks enjoyed the sensation of having fun with Remus Lupin, it almost looked like the old days, before Christmas, when they used to have fun together, it had been such a long time. Back then they were just like the best of friends, though she had wanted to be so much more than that. But then, after she had impulsively kissed him he, not only acted like nothing had happened but also started to get away from her. Of course she had tried to make him talk about what had happened over Christmas but he wouldn't let her and she did not insist on it, afraid as she was of loosing his friendship. But the thing was that nowadays she found it very difficult to talk to him never mind touching him, like she so desperately wanted.

Tonks followed him through the corridor regretting having ringed the bell when she heard old Sirius mum's howls, things weren't going to be easy after that and, to make it worth, she had to trip on that stupid Umbrella's stand. She instinctively grabbed Remus' arm for balance but the harm was done. The cries increased, getting louder and louder as they approached the portrait. But, although she could clearly distinguish the words Werewolf and half-breeds, she was far too dizzy with his warmness to even feel embarrassed at Moody's reproach, when he finally had got the curtains closed. She really didn't care about that when she was holding Remus' arm, and better than that, he wasn't flinching or pushing her away, he had just let her remain where she was, half-supporting her weight whenever she tripped. And she was tripping a lot that evening; bless that old house full of _secrets_ hiding before her feet. She looked at him anxiously while they walked in absolute silence. Things seemed to be settling down between them again and she thought briefly if he was ready to talk about their newfound relationship.

"I told Dumbledore you shouldn't have come!" he said suddenly while guiding her cautiously into the kitchen where he sat her at the table "You must be too tired with this last week, I mean extra Auror work, watching over the Department of Mysteries at night…" while he talked he filled a cup of tea and offered it to her gently.

"Thanks!" she said sweetly, accepting the drink and relishing secretly on his worries for her, after all he had been still alert of all her steps, taking care of her, though from a considerable distance. "You know you shouldn't worry that much about me. I think I can handle myself, though I truly appreciate it when you prevent me from falling down every two steps I take!" she said smiling teasingly and he seemed to be controlling himself not to burst out laughing at her joke.

"This is serious Nymphadora!" he retorted while he sat next to her "Now drink the tea and stay put, Kingsley and the others must be arriving at any minute." he finished inspecting her face intently.

"I'm fine, Remus!" she protested weakly for she was much enjoying having him so close.

"Are you sure you are all right?" he asked in obvious disbelief "You look pretty tired to me!" she was indeed very tired but she wouldn't let him know about that, her pride wouldn't let her. But she felt the most amazing stirring running trough her very veins at his soft, meaningful words. She took a sip of her tea, trying desperately to control her heartbeats. He was so gentle, so sweet, so… utterly attractive. She examined his endearing features searching for any sign of response to her feelings. She studied his soft and tired eyes, the line of his handsome face and she felt the urge to run a hand through his prematurely greying hair. She wanted so much to just kiss him with all the force of her passion, he was so close searching her features for every sign of exhaustion, if she moved her head forward right then he wouldn't have time to withdrew, it would be so plain easy…

"Hey, Tonks!" Sirius had just entered the room and she jumped slightly on her chair. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you two, just go on and pretend I'm not here, after all it would not be the first time, right?" she gulped her tea quickly ignoring her cousin's _amusing_ remark and looked sideways to Remus who seemed not to have noticed what it had been about to happen. Anyway the magic had gone, thanks to _dear Sirius_. "Buckbeak's much better now, Remus." Sirius finished suddenly grim.

"Good!" answered Remus smiling sadly also ignoring his friend's commentary. They were both getting used to Sirius making fun of them about the kiss she had given Remus over Christmas.

"What happened to the Hippogriff?" she asked, barely interested but wanting desperately to bring herself down to earth and steadying her accelerated breathing.

"Kreacher had happened! It was him, that looney attacked Beaky, can you believe it?"

"Well I always thought he got a huge problem, you know that!" she said trying to sound calm "The Elf's not normal, always talking alone; he's absolutely creepy."

"I totally agree with you, but as I was saying about you two…"

"Where's Dumbledore?" asked Kingsley entering the kitchen with Moody and saving inwardly the situation for Sirius seemed not willing to stop teasing them.

"His not here yet!" said Tonks very quickly still trying to regain control of herself, specially after her _dear_ cousin's last attempt but Remus was absolutely calm "How was your day at work, I haven't seen you all day long!"

"Oh, I heard of Sirius's being sighted somewhere near Oxfordshire so I had to go and check out, you know." answered Kingsley with a bored expression. "It was a deplorable working day if you ask me."

"I believe you!" she said laughing along with the others "And… oh, by the way, I almost forgot Kingsley, Scrimgeour asked me to remember you about your report concerning the last sightings of Sirius and he was on a hurry so you better rush." said Tonks and they all laughed again at that.

"Anyway, I'm right here now and I do appreciate some help at the moment!" Sirius said smiling indulgently at them "Buckbeak must eat now, will you help me with these, Tonks?" he asked handing her a bag full of dead ferrets and he gave Lupin a provocative look when he opened his mouth surely to protest "Oh it's just some ferrets and a few steps to the attic, it's not going to kill her!"

She didn't dare looking at him, afraid of finding annoyance in his eyes, especially when she heard Kingsley laughing. But when the door closed behind her she heard Remus' sharp commentary about Kingsley minding his own business. And the last words she distinguished were still from an angry Remus who was telling Kingsley he should follow his example and take care of her at work instead of having so much fun about his concern. She felt the urge to get back there and hug him tight for being the most adorable man she had ever met but she controlled herself and, smiling slightly, she followed her cousin to the Attic tripping several times in her way up the stairs.

She admitted now it had been a mistake kissing Remus in front of Sirius but she had done it on a whim and hadn't think about the consequences right then. But the fact was she did kiss Remus in front of her cousin and now Sirius was always tormenting them about it all the time, misjudging Remus' worries about her. She didn't mind about it all that much but Remus did found it a little bit embarrassing judging by his shy reaction to it.

Once in the attic she sat the bag on an old chair and folded her arms distractedly.

"So he's alright then!" she said smiling at the sight of the poor creature clicking his razor-sharp beak roughly.

"Thanks to me yes!" But you wait, when I put my hands on Kreacher…she laughed cheerfully.

"All right then! Well I'll let you with it, Sirius! I most certainly won't fancy watching the poor Hippogriff eating those dead things." she faked a sick face while Sirius kneeled in front of Buckbeak.

"No problem, you just go down there and kiss Remus instead!" he made a dismissive gesture of his hand but did not hide his large smirk.

"Maybe I will!" she joked with a bright laugh, not looking back so that her cousin wouldn't see how much she really wanted to kiss his best friend.

Sirius might truly enjoy himself while pestering them about what had happened but he certainly didn't know how she felt about Remus, he couldn't possibly know. Remus was… Oh, she loved him so much! He was ever so nice to her. She felt instantly fascinated by him when they first met, maybe at the very first sight; and she had found out a long time ago that she had fallen desperately in love with that gentle, although sometimes aloof, man. He was definitely the most interesting man she had ever met, mature, intriguing, thoughtful, warm and kind. Besides he was strong, powerful, incredibly handsome and charming and made her feel dizzy every time he looked at her. And she couldn't help feeling proud of him, on their meetings with the Order; he was so calm, astute and prudent. He was always helpful about finding the best solution for each problem and everybody seemed to listen to his advice.

Besides they got along very well and Remus never once made fun of her. He laughed at her jokes but worried a lot about her clumsiness. And the best of all, he didn't treat her as a silly young girl like Moody sometimes did. He respected her and her work and he took her opinions very seriously.

She started to feel very attached to him and… and then he had given her that book and… she couldn't bear it any longer, she had had to kiss him. Of course she had done it on a whim but the fact was that she needed to know how it would feel, how he would react at that. And she liked his reaction; she was so sure he had been thrilled, stunned, but thrilled all the same. He might not love her the way she loved him but he liked the kiss nevertheless and that was a step forward, which was all that mattered for now.

When she was halfway down the stairs she saw Moody limping hurriedly towards her.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Something happened to Potter and his friends, you better come with me!"

Moody took her to the meetings room, where everybody was now waiting for Dumbledore to arrive. When he made her enter Remus came immediately to her.

"I asked you not to call her, Moody!" he said looking at him very annoyed.

"She's got the right to know, Remus! And I only left Sirius out because Dumbledore doesn't want him to leave the house!"

"What happened?" she asked starting to feel worried.

"Don't say a word and let me speak for you!" Remus whispered while he was sitting her on the chair next to his.

"What… why… what are you talking about?"

"Don't ask, just do as I say and don't go!" he said anxiously.

"Don't go where, what happened?" she insisted starting to feel a little annoyed at all that mystery.

"Snape sent us a Patronus, Tonks!" interrupted Moody, impatiently "Potter believes Sirius is prisoner of You Know Who on the Ministry of Magic and he probably went there with a couple of friends to rescue him!"

"But Sirius is upstairs feeding Buckbeak!" she said biting her lower lip.

"Of course he is, you and I know that but Potter doesn't, you know what that means?" asked Moody.

"Voldemort wants to catch him and deceived him!" she said furrowing her brow.

"Yes he was tricked and we must save them before it's too late." added Kingsley vigorously.

"Anyway I think we are the most fit for the situation" said Moody "and we must go now if we want to save Potter, is everybody in?"

"Everybody is in what?" asked Sirius entering the room "I thought I heard you talking about Harry. What's going on?"

"Well…" Moody told him everything ignoring the glares Lupin was giving him.

"Are you incapable of remain silent, Alastor?" asked Lupin through greeted teeth "I thought we had agreed Sirius would not be involved in this. You're not talking to the right people!" he seemed incredibly bad tempered all of a sudden.

"Now, how were you planning to deceive him?" Moody asked brusquely and Remus did not answered, he seemed very angry with Mad Eye, ever since he and Nymphadora had entered the room, which caught her by surprise. Remus was always so kind to everybody, no matter what. "Besides we need help, the many we are, the best chances we get. And just so you know I did not called Sirius because of Dumbledore's orders but now that he's here, the harm is done and we need him. Or… do you really think that you, Kingsley and I are enough for a crowd of Death Eaters?"

"We can contact the others, we have to actually!" Remus retorted angrily.

"They are all busy and anyway we don't have time." Moody and Remus were glaring at each other, and she couldn't decide which one of them was more annoyed at the other.

"Wait, wait, wait!" interrupted Sirius "Let me straight this out! Harry leaved the school thinking he was going to rescue me? And where is Snape now, hiding somewhere so that Voldemort can't find him?"

"Probably!" said Tonks with a low laugh.

"Snape said he is going to search for Harry in the Forbidden Forest, where he and certainly his friends had gone." answered Remus tiredly.

"Sure, he went there to certify himself that Harry got caught, and that's for sure! Well I'm coming too!" informed Sirius determined.

"You can't!" said Remus firmly "Dumbledore has forbidden you…"

"Dumbledore will not stop me from rescuing Harry, Remus, he can't forbidden me to do it." Remus remained silent but Tonks could sense he was getting strangely irascible; all the time sending her worried looks.

"Snape asked you to stay here and warn Dumbledore of what's happening so…" said Kingsley sensately.

"Oh, he said that, did he, that Snivellus? Well I'll go!" said Sirius very loudly as to make himself clear.

"Snape's right on this Sirius!" stated Lupin steadily.

"And since when do I listen to Snivellus?"

"It's for your own good Sirius, your security is at stake!"

"I'm going with you, there is no way I'm staying behind like a coward while you lot rescue Harry… and that's my final word, Remus." Sirius finished brusquely for his friend seemed to have yet a word to say about it.

"Fine, I can't stop you anyway, right?" Remus said resigned.

"That's right you can't!" replied Sirius happily.

"But she's not going!" Remus continued pointing emphatically at Nymphadora, his breathing heavy, his eyes shinning with determination and she looked at him mouth agape "I…I mean she can't go it's too dangerous and…"

"What, why can't I go?" she asked completely dumbfounded.

"Because you can't, Moody shouldn't have warned you on the first place." Remus retorted suddenly in a firm tone of voice. "And I've just told you it's too dangerous, you're not in condition to…"

"She's an Auror!" interrupted Sirius smirking sarcastically and Kingsley actually laughed at that.

"Yes, Sirius is right, Remus" said Moody in agreement "She's an Auror, and one of the best, if you really want to know!" Tonks appreciated the unexpected complement, specially coming from Mad Eye Moody but she was too taken aback to make any remark "And in case you haven't noticed she's here to fight and she is as Member of the Order as you are!" Remus looked at them gloomily, it was obvious he had been left without anything to say to argue that. And she was by now far too interested in his protests to say anything at all.

"Well!" he said as though suddenly a brilliant idea had come to his mind "If you go Sirius she must stay and tell Dumbledore what's happening!" at that she found her voice again.

"I want to go Remus and I'm not staying here!" she said loud enough for waking Sirius' mum "Do not even think about it for one second, there is no way I'm staying behind waiting for Dumbledore to arrive!" she finished with a stern look on her face.

"I thought I told you to remain silent!" he told her firmly through gritted teeth and gave her a warning look "You're tired, your reflexes aren't on their best today so you better stay." Although she was flattered by his concern, even though his words were making her feel amazingly well she was not about to stay behind. But she didn't have the time to tell him this because Moody interrupted her thoughts.

"She's just fine Lupin!" he said at once "She's young and a few sleepless nights will not weaken her, there's nothing to worry about"

Remus remained silent once more and Tonks didn't know what to think. _Why was he so upset about her work?_ she thought a little annoyed for she agreed with Moody about not being weak at all. She knew for sure he believed in her capabilities so… It wasn't like he had feelings towards her and certainly not the same feelings she had towards him. Then why was he reacting like that, unless… Well she had been thinking lately on why he had given her a very special gift, she felt her heart warm at the mere thought. And she was sure he had liked her kiss and actually he had been acting quite differently towards her ever since she kissed him over Christmas, she smiled inwardly with the recalling. And after that she had caught him observing her many times, a strange expression on his face, though he had concealed it well.

But anyhow they still remain just friends, at least to him, wasn't it? Well at least he was still the same friendly man, he had never complained when they went on missions together but somehow he was a little bit more distant, like he was trying to avoid her when it wasn't strictly necessary to be in her company. She felt very sad about that, she wanted to be near him, though she was getting the wonderful impression that he was running away from her because he liked the kiss probably a little to much. That felt good, she had loved that man probably from their first talk with each other about a year ago, he was everything, she ever wanted and so much more. And though she had ever thought he would never look at a girl like her because he was so mature she was starting to think that maybe, just maybe…

His gift, his precious gift… that had been just so… Sirius said he wouldn't give the book to anyone and he gave it to her, that had been so…

"Then, if neither of you is willing to stay who's remaining here to alert Dumbledore?" asked Kingsley worried and interrupting the rambling of her thoughts.

"Kreacher can stay to tell Dumbledore!" suggested Sirius determined.

"Yes!" she said with a sigh of relief "Kreacher's the right choice!"

"Well I still think you should stay Nymphadora and…"

"You're not using you're impartiality here Remus!" observed Moody his blue eye rolling madly "I know you care about her, we all do, but you can't protect her forever." he said grudgingly.

"We must go now!" interrupted Nymphadora because Remus seemed to have a response to that and she didn't want him to find any strong reason for her to stay "We have to go, Harry, Ron, Hermione and the others they took with them are in danger, remember? And we are wasting time here discussing who must and mustn't go!

"Your absolutely right, Nymphadora!" said Moody showing a sudden respect for her steadiness over Remus's pleads for her to stay "We better go, Potter and the others are risking their necks, right now."

After that they all left the room hurriedly without a word but Remus grabbed Tonks firmly by the arm and pulled her back when they were just outside the door. He was steadying her in place but the shivers that ran up her arm at his touch made her almost stumble against the wall.

"Stay here!" that was an order but she was not about to obey.

"No, I won't!" she planted her feet firmly on the ground as to show her resolution.

"You can't do this, Nymphadora it's too dangerous!"

"No it's not, you heard them I'm an Auror! You always believed I was a necessary member of the Order of the Phoenix, what happened to that… and why is it that you care, anyway?" she said softly "Tell me the truth, why is it that you don't want me to go?

"I don't want you to get hurt, that's why!"

"So? I don't want you to get hurt either! But that's a risk we're taking being in the Order, plus I'm an _Auror_; you know what that means? I'm not afraid of risking everyday!" she paused thinking hard "Look I want to help Harry, I want to fight, if I didn't I would not have become an Auror don't you think? I would not persist of making part of the Order!"

"Can't you see? You can't go and rescue the youngsters Nymphadora, it's too dangerous, there are going to be Death Eaters and probably… probably Voldemort, you just can't!"

"But… but Remus" she was smiling indulgently, feeling so perplexed that she didn't even corrected him about her name. "I-Am-An-Auror, what do you think my job is? Do you think a bunch of Death Eaters is going to stop me? Look I am no child; I'm not playing games here! I join the Order of the Phoenix for a reason, to try and stop Voldemort and there is no way you're going to stop me from rescuing…

"This time we might have to fight Voldemort himself, haven't you heard me!" he stopped her middle sentence.

"So what, you think I'm not capable enough to fight Voldemort?"

"It's not that, I know you are an excellent professional, it's just that… you and Sirius should stay, that's all!" she remained silent trying to gather her thoughts, this was just so amazing, the way he was fighting to assure her safety.

"Why do you care that much about me?" she said trying desperately to understand "I mean, you didn't try to convince the others to stay! You accepted Sirius' decision without putting a fight, at least I'm not seeing you insisting with him to stay."

"I can't stop him!" he replied dryly.

"You can't stop me either, you know?" she said stubbornly, raising her eyebrows defiantly.

"No I can't!" he slowly agreed sounding desperate and she peered into his eyes, they were full of worry, care, anxiety and… and… her breathing came out a little faster with the increasing of her heartbeats because of what she had seen and she moistened her lips trying to maintain her resolution.

"So, you haven't answered my question, why do you care?" she said very softly, though she already knew the answer for that she was hoping to hear it from his lips.

"Nymphadora I…" she was getting dangerously close to him and he backed out instinctively.

"Is it maybe because…" gathering all of her self-confidence she kissed him softly and ever so slowly, almost featherlike and he took in a ragged breath "… you and I are…" she made it to kiss him again but he withdrew just in time to prevent her lips to touch his.

"Don't say it please!" he whispered desperately, his eyes pleading.

"Why, does it make it any untruthful!" she asked firmly searching his face for the answer but he lowered his eyes.

"No but…"

"Then why, answer me, why can't I go and help rescue Harry, the son of one of your best friends?" she lifted his face within her hands, so that she could look deep into his eyes "Because if you don't give me a strong motive… well I will go all the same but at least I could ponder your reasons. I mean it's very sweet of you. I also care about you… a lot if you want to know, but… please try to understand, I must go, all of us must, Harry needs us!"

"I know but…"

"Why Remus, tell me!" he did not answer right away and she could sense him thinking furiously to find an appropriate response to that. She waited anxiously not daring to smile at his hesitance.

"I don't have anything to say!" he murmured clearly unhappy while he took her hands gently from his face. He closed his eyes briefly and than lifted them up to the old ceiling. Her expectations fell to the ground and she felt like yelling at him for being such a calm and under controlled person. How could he say something like that when she could see in his eyes, right then, she could feel it in her very heart actually that he liked her, loved her even.

"Then there is nothing else to discuss Remus, I'm going, end of conversation!" she took a step forward but he grabbed her hurriedly by the arms steadying her again on place.

"No wait!" he said hastily "Don't do this to me, Nymphadora! I don't want you to go because…" he paused and she waited patiently praying secretly that he would say it out loud but when he said nothing she smiled sadly.

"We better get going, the others are waiting for us!" she made it to leave again but his grip on her arms increased a little bit, preventing her from set off.

"Because… because…" his eyes were glassy, lingering on her face, he stopped longingly in her eyes and then without a warning he wound up kissing her. The ground vanished from under her feet as she closed her eyes and let the feeling wash over her. Finally he was kissing her and it was the best thing ever, it was simply overwhelming, his tenderness. She corresponded immediately, throwing her arms around his neck for she was afraid to fall down from the force of what she was feeling, of what he was making her feel. He then grabbed her face between his hands and caressed her cheeks softly, tenderly, endearingly really and she felt tremors running up and down her skin. He kissed her with such intensity that made her almost falter and she clang to him in a desperate attempt to make them melt together. She had never felt anything like that before, all the warm and sweetness of that kiss were making her blood boil and it was killing her.

But then he pulled back abruptly, looking abashed about what he had just done. He was breathing heavily, his eyes shining strangely in the weak light that was bathing the room and she moaned in protest while she was trying to pull him back but he stopped her with obvious difficulty.

"I'm not going to stay here while you risk your life!" she whispered after a brief moment when she had been trying to catch her breath, absolutely stunned and still clutching the front of his robes that she had grabbed to prevent him to run away. He nodded miserably and closed his eyes for a split second.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that!" he said in a very low voice releasing himself gently from her grip. She wanted to say he had just done the right thing but a sudden cough brought her to the cruel reality.

"When you two have resolved your… issue, we have to get going!" _leave it to Moody to interrupt them right then_, she thought angrily for he was looking at them and it seemed he disapproved of that kind of actions in such a delicate moment. Remus looked at her apologetically; probably ashamed of getting her caught in such a situation like that one and then turned his back to her in order to leave.

"Wait Remus I…"

"Don't say it!" he commanded sadly, without even looking back.

"But I do, and so do you thus it doesn't make sense to just ignore what…"

"We must go!" he interrupted striding in heavy paces past Moody and leaving her behind.

"Are you coming or not, Nymphadora?" Moody asked between upset and worried.

"Yes!" she said through greeted teeth "And don't call me Nymphadora!"

She was very angry with her colleague right now. It had been their first shared kiss, and they had to be interrupted, by no other than Moody. He was the one who less seemed to appreciate their _relationship_.

Well she had to thank Sirius for being so _discrete_ about what had happened. But the thing was that her dear cousin hadn't kept his mouth shut always making remarks about the kiss, and _somehow_ a few members of the Order seemed to know about what had taken place on Christmas day. She didn't know for sure, how many people were aware of what had happened but, by the look of things, sooner or later everybody would know.

She knew for sure that Molly and Arthur were happy about it, probably imagining what could happen next; Kingsley found it one of the most amusing things in the world but Moody seemed to be a bit worried. But of course being, as he was, a paranoid he was always worried about everything. She deduced he probably was concerned about them neglecting their duties to the Order because of what they felt for one another; or that they both might be at risk if they worried about each other in every mission; or any other nonsense that was always crossing his mind, who knew. Anyway despite all that he seemed to find it a little bit funny nonetheless, but right then he wasn't satisfied, not at all.

"… She must go if she wants to…" Sirius was saying to Remus when she joined them in the corridor and suddenly he paused and looked from Tonks to Remus sniggering openly "Now that I think about it, what were you two doing alone out there? Remus how were you convincing her to stay, were you…"

"Right now we don't have time for jokes, Sirius!" Remus interrupted when he sighted Tonks on the threshold of the door.

"Don't you dare putting her down because of me!" Sirius continued while he laughed extremely amused, not at least intimidated by her presence. "First of all it's not my business and anyway I don't have anything against it, in fact it would be very nice to have you in the family.

"Shut up, Sirius!" Remus said brusquely. Sirius' laughing increased to the double at his best friend's annoyance but she felt like hugging him when she heard her cousin talking like that. She liked it very much though the only thing she felt right then was the warmness Remus had left on her lips.

If Remus Lupin thought he would escape her, he was terribly wrong. She wasn't one to give up and she would fight to the end for his love. He was going to be hers no matter what, she decided with a smile. After all the fact that he couldn't fight the urge to kiss her was saying something about Remus Lupin, the man who always got a grip upon his actions, and feelings by the way.

They apparated in front of the vandalized cabin, which gave entrance to the Ministry and Remus guided the others quickly into the tiny cubicle; they haven't got much time. He was trying very hard not to think of what had just happened but it was very difficult since he was still feverish about it. He had kissed her, oh and the way she kissed him back it had been so sweet and intense and so… perfect. He shouldn't have done that, he repeated to himself reproachfully though his heart was still roaring in wonder with her response and he wanted nothing more than to turn back time and kiss her over and over again. But worse than he's daring was that she almost had said it, she almost said she loved him and he almost confessed he felt the same way and none of them should do that.

But right then he didn't want to think about it, he must keep sane and he wouldn't if he kept thinking about Nymphadora. He must fight for him, for her and for Harry, Ron, Hermione and the others.

Seconds later they were inside the Ministry running to the elevators and descending to the Department of Mysteries where, he was sure the group of students would be. He had been convinced that there must have been a guard inside the Ministry but Nymphadora assured him the man was a little bit careless on his duties, specially when he thought nothing strange was going to happen in such a beautiful night like that one.

When they arrived to the circular room, which would lead them to the Department of Mysteries itself, they looked at each other and to the many doors, trying to decide which one would lead them to Harry. It was everything dark when the walls around them started to move. He felt Nymphadora's hand on his arm when the candles, running fast, made the room speed on a blue blur. The only thing he noticed though was that her warm hand was sending waves of heat up his arm. As soon as it stopped Lupin chose the front door. He entered the room with his wand at ready and Nymphadora followed his tracks breathing very close to him with her wand also in her hand. He tried to ignore her closeness, which was making him shiver slightly and as soon as his eyes got familiarized with the bright light inside the room he perceived that they were on the right way.

"They were here!" he murmured astonished.

"Yes and they were not alone!" said Nymphadora bypassing him and inspecting the room with her accustomed Auror's eyes. "They had a fight here, look at this mess!" she finished freeing herself from the grip of Remus' hand when he tried to pull her back to him.

"Nymphadora!" he called out all his senses alert.

"Don't worry, there's no one here anymore!" she said unnervingly calm, stepping over the broken clocks and time turners while she inspected the ground before her. "Oh Merlin, someone's hurt, look there's blood on this cupboard!" she said pointing at it. "Let us hope it is a Death Eater's."

"If they touched any of them I'll…"

"Let's search over there!" said Remus interrupting Sirius, now more than worried about the kids, and he tried another door.

"Oh my, this must be the prophecies room!" said Nymphadora with a low whistle and hurrying trough the shelves full of glass globes. Remus was getting extremely nervous about her daring and grabbed her arm again.

"They are not here!" grudged Moody watching them intently and Remus freed her arm immediately as it had burned him. He could sense Moody had not approved their acts of that same evening but right then he had more urgent things on his mind to worry about.

"Do you think Harry's got the Prophecy?" asked Kingsley stepping forward.

"That's not important right now, is it?" answered Remus still watching Nymphadora intently.

"Let's go back!" said Sirius leading the others to the way out but, as soon as they re-entered the room of time, a wailing figure came running towards them and five wands pointed to it immediately. Remus arm flew on its own accord into Nmphadora's direction to protect her. But the _person_ was just a creepy Death Eater whose head had become a baby's returning to normal once in a while. Remus felt the girl behind him shudder in horror and let her go, breeding freely when the _creature_ disappeared through the door of the prophecy.

Hurriedly they got back to the circular room, which once more rotated. Remus chose another door and there they were, when he pushed the door open he saw Harry… and Neville but he couldn't see the others. Lucius Malfoy, who was nearest Harry, pointed his wand in astonishment but Nymphadora hexed him without a hint of hesitation and Remus couldn't help but admiring her professional skills, though adorably clumsy she was. Immediately Dolohov sent a jinx at Nymphadora and without even thinking he pulled her out the way. Remus was terribly afraid for her security but… the fight had begun with the Members of the Order descending the steps of the room and he had to rescue Harry.

Anyway unknown people were attacking him and he trusted her skills. So he hexed Dolohov in retaliation for trying to get Nymphadora and sent him flying backwards with the force of his spell. He then descended the steps so that he could join the others on the ground. Bellatrix Lestrange was sending jinxes in all directions and when she saw him she tried to hex him. He blocked the spell easily but not after he heard Nymphadora screaming his name in a way that made his heart leapt in amazement for the way she worried for him.

"Remus!" she called out again this time in relief and he couldn't help but to turn around to watch her starting to descend the steps, a determined look on her beautiful face, sending furious hexes against Bellatrix.

He couldn't be more terrified and flattered at the same time by the passion he could see in her small and amazing black eyes. He hesitated but she seemed to be doing very well maintaining Bellatrix occupied in trying to defend herself against her niece's fury and retaliating ever since she could, but Nymphadora wasn't letting her do much. That was his girl he thought feeling very proud of her so he muffled his preoccupation and concentrated on what he had to do, save Harry and the others. Kingsley was fighting two Death Eaters at the same time when he bypassed him trying to reach Harry but Mulciber came on his way and he fought him fiercely. He must got rid of him, the soon he did it, the soon he could save Harry and bring Nymphadora out of there.

When Remus saw that Harry was being attacked by Dolohov he ran towards him but Mulciber didn't gave him the chance and Rabastan also appeared. He got down to protect himself against a jinx that flew in his direction, coming from anywhere near him, and then he hexed Mulciber. Rabastan did not prove very difficult to knock out of combat and when Lupin saw Lucius Malfoy attacking Harry and Neville again he made Rabastan fell and ran onto the boys direction, jumping so that he came between them and Malfoy.

"Harry take the others and RUN!" he said and started fighting Lucius Malfoy with all his strengths. Suddenly Malfoy slithered away from him and started to scream along with others.

"Dumbledore!"

Remus looked up and there he was, Albus Dumbledore, and he was utterly furious. The chaos began all of a sudden with everybody screaming or trying to run away but Dumbledore wouldn't let them go, of course. Only Sirius and Bellatrix were still fighting by now. Suddenly she hexed him and, with a stunned look, he flew behind the veil that was in the room. All of a sudden Remus understood where they had been fighting, this must be the death room. His best friend had just… just vanished in front of his eyes and he hadn't done anything to stop it. He had never felt so shocked in his life. He had seen it… and… and… Harry ran calling for his Godfather.

"Sirius, Sirius!" of course the boy wouldn't fully understand what had just happened. Remus was feeling numb and hopeless but call out his last strengths and grabbed Harry, pulling him back and steadying him in place when he was preparing to run.

"There is nothing you can do Harry…" he said sadly, still facing the veil.

"You go there and get him, save him, he only passed to the other side!" Harry said, sounding desperate and Remus closed his eyes helplessly.

"It's too late, Harry!" he said not recognizing his own voice.

"We still can save him!" Harry was fighting violently to get himself free but Lupin did not let him go, he would not loose two people in the same day; that was the last thing he needed.

"There is nothing you can do, Harry… nothing… he left us!" Remus was trying to convince him that his Godfather had died but Harry was not about to believe his words and continued calling out for Sirius while fighting furiously to break free, but Remus wouldn't let him go. It was painful watching this boy denying the dreadful truth; he was also still astounded by what had happened. It was being difficult enough for himself and he felt horribly for Harry.

The Jinxes went on all of a sudden and he grabbed Harry dragging him away from there but he was still fighting to follow Sirius through the veil. Dumbledore made it to reunite the best part of the Death Eaters that were now tied up by invisible ropes. Remus was still grabbing Harry by caution despite he had stopped fighting and helped Neville, freeing him of the spell someone had put him under, while he talked to him soothingly. He was in an unbelievable pain while he dragged the two boys away from the veil intending to find the others. He had lost his remaining friend… he was left alone again; he had nothing left except for… Nymphadora. He wanted so much to have her in his life, he needed her right there soothing his pain but he couldn't, he wouldn't do this to her, he…

Remus was shook out of his thoughts when Harry pulled violently, getting finally free from the limp grip he had on him and ran after Bellatrix, who had apparently just fled away.

"Harry no…" Remus called out "Harry!" but the boy was beyond comprehension, right then. He ran after him but Dumbledore stopped him.

"I'll go! People need you here!" Remus agreed silently, he still wanted to follow Harry but suddenly his eyes fell on a small figure fell on the ground and his heart sank in horror. It was…

"Nymphadora!" he called out feeling his heart hammering hard on his chest and he ran to her blindly, ignoring everything else around him. It was all a blur around her body, she was all he could see and he heard no sound except for his accelerated and heavy breathing and his aching heartbeats. _Not her please, not her!_

He fell to his knees at her side pushing inwardly Moody aside and touched her pale face with his shaking hands. She was warm and he could feel her pulse. A warm relief wash over him replacing the cold fear that had overwhelmed him. He felt the blood, which had frozen in his veins, running freely again and warming his shivering body, he had never felt so frighten in his whole life.

"Nymphadora!" he whispered desperately "Nymphadora!" he called louder shaking her gently but she remained unconscious so he lifted her head delicately from the ground.

"She is alive and she's fine!" granted Moody "Hey Remus, she is fine!" he said louder since Lupin was completely out of control. But he stared at his colleague still half-hallucinated by fear and did not answer; he just picked her up gently from the ground.

"Kingsley, let's found the others, you stay here!" he said to Moody when a bunch of people from the Ministry started to arrive. With Neville's help they found Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Luna Lovegood but he was too worried about the girl he had in his arms to pay much attention on their complains. "You take care of them!" he said before he left them with Kingsley and disapparated to Saint Mungus with the most precious thing he had ever had in his life, his only hope of ever being happy… the girl he must never ask for himself.

A/N- Once again I want to thank everyone who reviewed my first chapter, Mute Mockingbird, Immi, Elastigirl, Alli-Baby, Lorelai the Voldermort Slayer, Godsgracie12, Loonyluppykelly and a special thanks to Kara (Courtney) who's giving me so much support. I hope all you lot had also enjoyed this chapter. It's because of all of you that this story continues, the ones who liked it and even asked me to go on. Now if you please read and review. Meanwhile I'll be busy with the next chapter.


	3. The Day She Cast a Spell on Him

Disclaimer:

All the characters and places belong to J. K. Rowling, only the plot belongs to me, which is better than nothing… I hope.

Summary:

At the hospital Remus remembers the first time he ever talked to Nymphadora. So this is mainly a flashback from Remus' exclusively point of view.

A Bit Of His Past

Chapter III 

The Day She Cast a Spell on him

Remus was sitting on a chair next to Nymphadora's bed waiting for her to wake up. He had decided he wouldn't leave her side until she had woken up. The doctors had examined her and told him that they had done everything they could but she still had to stay in the hospital for some time for observation. Although they had assured him that she probably would recover completely, and that there was nothing to worry about; he would only believe that when he had seen it. For now he was just too terrified about her unconscious state.

Dumbledore had been there already to lament what had happened to Sirius and to give him some support, but the fact still remained that Sirius had disappeared and nobody could bring him back. James, Lily, Sirius, all had gone forever and these wounds would never heal, somewhat like a Werewolf's bite. Remus wanted to go and talk to Harry, at least to give him some words of comfort but Dumbledore didn't let him, in his opinion doing that would only hurt them both even more. And anyway he wasn't about to leave his girl alone in that impersonal hospital room, it would be horrible for her to wake up alone in there.

Remus was now staring with renewed worry at Nymphadora; she was taking so long to wake up from her inertness. He ran his eyes over her endearing face, she seemed so peaceful, nobody would have guessed that, half an hour ago, she had been fighting with a group of dangerous Death Eaters.

He knew he had sounded ridiculous in trying to prevent her from going on that mission but he didn't care. He had only wanted to protect her and would have done everything again to stop her if he had to. His mouth went dry at the thought of the kiss he had given her, in his haste of stopping her, but he dismissed the memory quickly.

He knew that Nymphadora was brave and didn't need anyone to look after her, but he wanted to take care of her, to keep her safe. Yet he had failed, she had gotten injured and it was all his fault. He should have stopped her no matter what; he knew that she wouldn't make it to the end safely That's why he hadn't wanted her to go, and that's why he had been so worried in the Department of Mysteries. He knew she would get herself hurt. Not that he didn't believe her capacities, on the contrary, he knew she was bold and powerful and he was proud of her for being such a fearless womanBut though she was a great Auror, she was still new at it and she had been wearied by a bad week.

He closed his eyes, still disturbed by what had happened. He had never felt more frightened than when he had seen her there, lying on the floor of the Ministry, unconscious. The mere thought of loosing her caused him excruciating pain, he almost lost his sanity.He couldn't bear such pain; it would destroy him forever. Remus was grieving for Sirius, of course, he was his friend but… her… she was… everything to him, everything he needed to survive, without her he just wouldn't go on, he couldn't.

And Remus knew right then, when he thought he had lost her, that he had fallen forever, he wouldn't ever love anyone else the way he loved her… ever. This was insane, how could he love this girl in a way that made everything else fade away? How could he have fallen in love so intensely with someone like her, so young and reckless? What had happened for him to experience such a powerful feeling, what had she done, what had he perceived in her youthful behaviour that chained his heart forever? He couldn't explain how it had happened but the fact was that she was his most precious treasure, and though he knew he should not claim her he still couldn't stop himself from loving her endlessly. And only Nymphadora and her love would be able to keep him healthy and sane; he had no one else in the world, nothing else that was worth fighting for.

It was like Dumbledore had said to him twenty minutes before: _Love is the wheel that spins life itself, Remus. Don't you ever forget about that! You might have lost your friend but you still have something to fight for. _He had been looking at the motionless Nymphadora when he said that and Remus was still thinking hard in what the professor had said. It had been at the same time ambiguous, intriguing and motivating. Did Dumbledore know how he felt for her? Well it was almost certain he did; after all he was a Legilimens. Of course he hadn't exactly mentioned Nymphadora but… Anyways, Remus definitely had never felt such intense emotions chances were that some people might have had noticed something, especially after what he had done that same evening.

Voices in the corridor brought him abruptly back to reality and his eyes flew to the small figure laid on that cold hospital bed. She looked like a porcelain doll. He stared at her ivory features in dismay and observed her face closely. She was so pacific, so different from how he was accustomed to see her, so different from the girl he had met about a year ago, the girl for whom he had, so completely and utterly, fallen in love with right after their first conversation.

He could barely believe that she liked him, seemed to love him really. She almost confessed out loud that she did. And the way she had worried for him over the fight… Well, it probably wasn't more than a youth interest or attraction that would most certainly fade away as quickly as it had happened. Remus had been trying to convince himself with this facts but to no effectiveness.

The fact was that, despite all his efforts, Nymphadora had fallen for him, he thought miserably but at the same time he couldn't help feeling mesmerized. He already knew she cared for him more than just a friend; he had quickly understood to his happiness and utter despair that she liked him after the kiss she had given him over Christmas. He had figured it out, for his own consternation, by the way she had treated him after that day. Nymphadora had become even nicer and caring than she had been before, always finding a way to get close to him, to touch him and it had driven him crazy not to give in to her. She had tried to talk to him, probably about what had happened but he wouldn't let her. She didn't bring the issue up but he simply knew that she wanted to talk about the kiss, that wonderful, amazing first kiss. And if she had done so it would have destroyed his self-restraint.

It had been so hard to keep the distance after Christmas, especially with her always trying to talk to him about what had happened. To make things worse, his worries for her had increased and he couldn't stop himself from looking at her, constantly fighting the urge to kiss her, to hold her tight every time she was close or even within eyeshot. He hadn't once complained of their missions together because he didn't want to hurt her, but it was pure torture to have her so close and not be allowed to touch her.

He should have never given her that gift, he thought unhappily. She had interpreted that as a love gesture, which somehow it was, a love of a friend… Remus knew he was lying to himself. He meant it as a gift of a friend, of course, but deep inside he knew it was a love gift since he had unconsciously loved her for months. But the fact was that he had made a mistake and now she thought that they could be together. He wanted so much to make her happy but that was impossible. Remus knew what he had to do but it would be so difficult for him to reject her…

To tell the truth, he had been truly imprudent that day. He had let her come too close but the thing was that he had been so preoccupied that he couldn't help wanting to protect her. Remus had been reckless, that evening in the kitchen, for instance, he knew she had been about to kiss him and he had to admit he hadn't done anything to stop her. He couldn't even if he wanted to. Remus had wanted her so much and for so long, that he needed her; he needed her in order to breathe. And to tell the truth, Remus not only had wanted her to kiss him but if Sirius had not arrived in time, he would have been the one to kiss right then. The feelings had been just beneath the skin, so strong and desperate, he had found it extremely hard to control himself.

And then when she did kiss him after the meeting, while she was working magic with her words, he could barely resist, even though he had to. He could have stopped her anytime, preventing her from touching him; he should have stopped her but he hadn't really been capable of it. When she touched her lips to his in a soft kiss that evening he had held to his remaining self-restraint and finally he had given in when she insisted in the madness of risking her life on the Ministry. Although Remus had recriminated himself later because of that, he could not have resisted kissing Nymphadora that night, not even if he had tried with all his force.

He had had to kiss her, she had been so close, so warm, so willing and inviting. She had been drowning all his senses with her soft voice, her meaningful words, her closeness, her perfume, her beautiful face and Remus had missed her touch so much all of those months he had been avoiding contact with her that he could hardly resist any longer. The anxiety was almost unbearable and was only soothed when he stopped resisting it and gave in. If that was the only way to stop her from going to the Ministry he would kiss her endlessly, he would pour his heart to her but than she kissed him back and he lost track of thoughts for a while.

He couldn't believe that he was still thinking about the kiss he had given her, hours after his lips were still tingling with her warmness and her soft perfume was still mingling in him. It had been just thrilling the way they kissed each other, she had been so receptive, so eager… anyway he could have stopped sooner, he reprimanded himself, but he simply hadn't been able to. She had been so appealing since they had been alone in the kitchen that evening… and he would never forget the expression she had on her face when he had broken the kiss. Her eyes had slowly fallen open, revealing them to be bright, soft and dreamy, lighting up the room with her radiant glow. He had stared at her, stunned by such beauty but still completely astonished at his own daring.

Remus tried very hard not to think about that kiss but it was impossible seeing as the girl, lying unconscious on the only bed of the room, had touched his being in a way that he could still feel her in his very skin. It was like only her existence could make his heart beat, sending waves of love through his blood and warming his body so he could live. It felt like only the air could reach his lungs when they kissed, like he could only see through her eyes and sense her closeness, like only she could feed his hunger and satisfy his thirst. Nothing else mattered when she was around him, only her existence within a crowd, only her… forever and ever. She was so adorable, smart and intrepid and… beautiful, amazingly beautiful. She meant so much to him that she made his mind spin whenever she was around, and when she wasn't she filled his head with memories and dreams and…

Remus laid his head between his hands digging his fingers on his hair desperately. Why did she have to make him feel so weak and dizzy with just one kiss? Why did she have to make him feel so strong and protective of her, so incredibly attached to her; so involved with her it ached every time they were apart? It was right then he understood the graveness of it all, he not only loved Nymphadora Tonks, he adored her endlessly, to the point of no return, and he knew she loved him back with very much the same intensity. He belonged to her and she belonged to him but they couldn't be together, never, no matter how desperately they ached for each other, no matter how much he would suffer. Yes the pain of knowing he could not have her was ten times worth than all his Werewolf transformations put together. Yet still he would rather spend the rest of his life transforming then to do her any harm. And he would hurt her somehow if they got together, after all he was a dangerous Werewolf and she was just an innocent girl.

He almost cried out in anguish when he renounced his own happiness. He closed his eyes fiercely in an attempt of making the image of her disappointed face fade away, her suffering tears when he would finally have to put her down.

Why did he have to fall in love, he had tried so hard not to… When had this started? When had he become so fond of Nymphadora? He was now capable of answering that question. Ever since they first talked to each other she had been nothing but his everything though only now he was able to understand that. He could still remember the day they first met as though it were yesterday. He remembered that he hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from her. She was so different from the other girls and women he had met before and he started immediately to fall in love with her. He had lost the war of love on the very first day of battle.

_  
Flashback_

Remus glanced worriedly over the room; a man in the other corner was giving him an apprehensive look. Remus knew that he and the ones of his kind weren't well accepted in the Ministry of Magic's installations, after all he was nothing but a _very dangerous_ Werewolf, he thought dryly. But the fact was that the Order of the Phoenix was in need of people and Dumbledore wanted to recruit Aurors for their cause. They would be very useful on the fight against Voldemort because of their improved skills to catch Death Eaters. So following Dumbledore's advice, Lupin and McGonagall went to the Ministry of Magic to recruit Kingsley Shaklebolt, a very skilled Auror according to Alastor Moody. Arthur Weasley had asked him a few questions and was certain that he fitted the cause.

Lupin had thought that Arthur or maybe Moody were the right ones to convince Kingsley, especially since Alastor had been an Auror himself. But the man had refused to go to the Auror's office, it brought him very bad memories. Besides he had other issues to analyse that day and Remus knew he was still disturbed by what had happened to him at Hogwarts, so he didn't insist on him. And Arthur was so occupied lately that he could not waste time in trying to convince people, and anyway Fudge suspected that he was related to Dumbledore so he couldn't do very much inside the Ministry or else he might have troubles with his job.

Without many options, seeing as all the others had work to do, Dumbledore had sent Remus and professor McGonagall. For all that mattered, she was going to help a former teacher of Hogwarts to resolve some problems with the Werewolves Liaison and that was a perfect excuse.

Kingsley proved, in fact, pretty easy to convince seeing as he was a recent Auror and was more than willing to help defeating Voldemort. So, after their short conversation in an empty room, Remus and McGonagall accompanied him to the Aurors office as if they were old friends talking lightly about trivialities.

They were just discretely settling the last details about a meeting they would have that same evening when Remus started to feel really upset at the glares he was receiving from the Ministry staff. Everybody seemed to know what he was, could it possibly exist someone over there who didn't feel bothered with his condition?

In that same moment a girl entered the room falling immediately to the ground and distracting Remus from whatever conversation the other two had been having as he watched her somehow amused. He made it to help the girl but she got up, smiled at him a little sheepishly and kept walking, dropping several things on her way and making him smile inwardly.

She had a bright, dark blue hair, almost black, which was short and spiky. Certainly she was coming from an undercover mission since she was dressed in a strange set of Muggle clothing, an orange blouse and a red skirt but she was very pretty nonetheless with her beautiful small, black and bright eyes and her pale heart-shaped face. Somehow she looked familiar to him and he couldn't stop himself from observing her as she destroyed half the room, getting annoyed reprimands from her colleagues. She had an apologetic expression on her face when she finally stopped in front of Dawlish, an Auror that all in all served Fudge's cause, and suddenly she assumed a professional look while talking about something to do with her mission with him. The girl observed a map intently and in the meantime she changed the colour of her hair, which became a light shade of orange clashing horribly with her clothing.

"Isn't it Remus?" asked McGonagall all of a sudden "Remus!"

"Wha…" he gazed puzzled at her. He had been so interested and curious about the young woman's eccentric appearance that, without even noticing, he had completely lost track of the issue. "Who is that girl?" he asked Kingsley pointing at the peculiar woman.

"Oh, that's Tonks!" he answered smirking sarcastically "And she hasn't got a boyfriend at the mo…"

"Is she a Metamorphmagus?" interrupted Lupin a little embarrassed at the other's remark. He couldn't really complain though since he had actually been watching the girl with much interest, his eyes never leaving her, telling the truth, but he concealed his embarrassment as best as he could manage. In fact he was so interested in his discovering about the girl having the special and rare power of changing her appearance that he almost forgot Shaklebolt's remark.

"As a matter of fact she is!" said Kingsley still smirking.

"How interesting!" exclaimed Remus, knowing that he was fuelling the other's sense of humour but he was incapable of remaining silent at her power. She had a gift only a few had been blessed with, that was just what…

"I remember her!" said Minerva sounding slightly interested, interrupting his thoughts. "Nymphadora Tonks, she was a Gryffindor, one of our best students at Hogwarts if you asked me. She, Miss Granger and you Remus, amongst only a few more students, have made me very proud. Though Nymphadora was a little bit sloppy and she and Charlie Weasley were always making a mess in classes." she observed the girl with wrinkles forming on her forehead "I always knew she would have a brilliant career as an Auror, always watchful and observant, keen in everything she put her effort into! I would, in fact, have chosen her for prefect if she had settled down but she was always so vibrant and… She's Sirius cousin did you know, Remus?"

"Nymphadora…" he creased his eyebrows while trying to recall something from a distant past and suddenly it came to him "Oh yes, I remember her, I saw her once or twice from a distance when she was a little girl."

"So Kingsley, as I was trying to say to Remus before, we need people, do you know someone else who would fit our cause?" whispered McGonagall returning her attention to the Auror. But Remus was still far too fascinated with Sirius' cousin to pay them much attention.

"Well actually seeing as I know her very well I would say that…"

Kingsley stopped middle sentenced when Nymphadora, who had headed in their direction talking with a colleague, knocked against Remus and dropped a bunch of books from a table nearby. He prevented her just in time from falling again to the ground by grabbing her by the elbows. But when he touched her he felt a strange surge of boiling energy, rushing from his fingertips to the rest of his body. She was warm and her perfume was so fresh and soft, he felt shivers running through him. But Remus was awoken from his trance by the girl's voice when she talked and he decided to ignore all of that nonsense.

"Thanks!" she said smiling openly at him "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess… do I know you?" she said everything at once, furrowing her eyebrows in trying to remember and he smiled at her, still amused by her entertaining clumsiness.

"Remus Lupin!" said Kingsley, smirking sardonically once again, before he could speak for himself. "And as far as I know, he doesn't have a girlfriend so…"

"What?" she asked smiling bewildered while Remus gave Kingsley Shaklebolt a warning look.

"Never mind Nymphadora!" interrupted McGonagall annoyed with Kingsley for his clumsy remark but Remus tried to ignore him as much as possible. It wasn't difficult really, seeing as he was highly appreciating the fact that her perfume was still lingering on his clothing.

"Oh, hi Professor McGonagall, how are you?" began Nymphadora politely and Minerva opened her mouth to reply but the girl didn't let her "Well I definitely remember you, Remus! You were a friend of Sirius, weren't you?" she said looking directly at him with those shiny and friendly eyes of hers and he smiled again before he replied.

"Yes, I am!"

"What do you mean you are?" she stared at him with hope in her eyes "After all he supposedly did… unless you also believe that he is…"

Remus exchanged a brief look with McGonagall before returning his eyes all the more interestedly at the young woman who was in front of him looking inquisitive.

"So Nymphadora…" he began slowly.

"Tonks please!" she corrected him with an amused smile.

"Yes, Nymphadora do you believe in Sirius innocence?" he asked hoping she would give him the answer he, so desperately, wanted to hear.

"Absolutely, but it's Tonks if you don't mind!" Remus started to enjoy the game they were playing, a little too much perhaps, but he didn't care, he liked her. Anyway he had plans for this girl that he meant to fulfill right then so he would not let anything to distract him.

"I do mind Nymphadora but the thing is that… well Sirius is in fact innocent… no don't interrupt me, we have something important to talk about…" he said when the girl started to open her mouth and she closed it obediently, probably because she was so curious about what he had to say that she didn't even bother protesting or correcting him again about the using of her name "Now what do you think about Voldemort, do you think he is back?" he continued and thoroughly appreciated the fact that she didn't flinch at the use of the name of the dark Wizard.

"Well he is back, isn't he? I mean, if Dumbledore and Harry Potter believe he is back, than I also believe it!" she had a concentrated look on her face and Remus felt a sudden admiration for that young and brave witch, so different from many others who were afraid of even talking about Voldemort, nevermind his return. She remembered him of his times when he was a Marauder and after leaving school when he believed fervently in everything he fought for. Well Remus still believed in all the causes he fought for but he was not a teenager full of ideals anymore, he had experienced prejudice, exclusion, isolation, loneliness… this girl, however she was just so different from himself, she was still so full of ideals.

Anyway Remus wanted to know as much as possible about Nymphadora's values and beliefs and he started to question the girl under McGonagall's confused look. Kingsley, on the contrary, seemed to understand immediately Remus' intentions and for once wasn't making humorous observations; instead he was paying him much attention.

Nymphadora proved herself courageous, intelligent, smart, irreverent and completely against Voldemort, whose name she hadn't hesitate a brief second in pronouncing.

"Have you ever heard of the Order of the Phoenix?" he asked suddenly and McGonagall finally understood where this was going and glared at him while ordering them all to leave the room.

"Oh I've heard of you, of course!" said Nymphadora enthusiastically while he dragged her out of the room by her elbow with the others just behind them. The man that had been glaring at Remus and a few more were now looking at him aggressively but he didn't care. He was far too involved in his conversation with Nymphadora to feel bothered by them. "I mean, I know it is a secret organization and all but… Well actually not that I usually eavesdrop conversations but it just happened, I didn't mean to. You know the other day I heard Arthur Weasley and Sturgis Podmore talking about it. They didn't know I was behind a sofa picking some books I had dropped and… anyway I barely heard a word. I only heard the name and… that it was secret and… something about Death Eaters. Well, as I said…"

"I thought you might have heard about us!" said Remus smiling at her embarrassment "A person like you is bound to know a lot more than it should. So yes, the Order of the Phoenix is an Organization that fought Voldemort and his Death Eaters so many years ago and we are now reuniting forces against evil.

"Wow!" she whispered in amazement; apparently she had forgotten Remus' _amusing_ remark.

"So what do you say" he asked after he had assured himself that they were finally out of earshot "would you like to join in?" Remus invited her.

"Of course I want to join!" she exclaimed when he had finished exposing his offer. Her eyes were shining, all her face was glowing and he smiled genuinely at her, feeling peculiarly well for having caused her such happiness.

"What, are you insane, Remus? You can't just go and invite anyone you want!" protested McGonagall, still thunderstruck by his attitude "There are certain rules we must obey, you know? New members must achieve some standards that…

"She's good in what she does, I'm sure!" Remus interrupted her firmly.

"That's not the point, the thing is that… Merlin we haven't even talked to Dumbledore, you just can't…"

"We were supposed to recruit more members today, weren't we?"

"Yes but…"

"So what about her? I'm sure she would be of great value to the Order!"

"Nymphadora doesn't have the qualities we are…"

"She doesn't what? Metamorphmagus are very rare and you know it!" retorted Remus starting to feel strongly annoyed at Minerva's stubbornness. "Besides she seems to be a very good professional by the looks of it, and _you told me_ Minerva that she was bright…

"…and problematic!" interrupted McGonagall brusquely. She seemed close to despair and Remus made a pause and breathed in a few times to regain control of himself. Nymphadora was staring at both of them mouth agape, obviously puzzled at the discussion she was presenting.

"I strongly suggest her, she is brilliant" intervened Kingsley helpfully "a most accomplished Auror, if she doesn't find anything to trip over, that's to say."

"I want to enter!" said Nymphadora loudly ignoring her colleague's idiotic commentary.

"That's hardly the point is it, Minerva?" continued Remus as if the other two hadn't just spoken. He had to bring McGonagall to her senses before it was too late.

"Of course it is, Remus! I… It's nothing against you Nymphadora, you know what I think about you but… we need older and powerful people, or at least more experienced. You understand that, don't you?"

"I said I want to enter, professor! And my name is Tonks!" she protested starting to look pretty annoyed with McGonagall, although she had easily accepted Remus' teasing… but that wasn't the time to rejoice with something like that, he thought firmly.

"Sirius, James and I were probably her age when we joined the Order of the Phoenix… and she is brave, brilliant, I can't think of a more useful power than metamorphosing, and most importantly she wants to join us and she does have the right to decide, don't you think?" said Remus hotly, defending his point of view feverishly. McGonagall was now looking at him taken aback and she certainly had her own reasons, normally he wouldn't talk to her or anybody that way but he wouldn't retreat a millimetre. Maybe he was taking this too personally but he thought that this girl deserved a chance and he was going to help her in. After all, Remus had decided to offer her a place in the Order of the Phoenix ever since he discovered her uncommon power. He thought she was indispensable and couldn't completely understand why McGonagall wasn't listening to him.

"That's what I was trying to tell you!" said Nymphadora smiling candidly at him; somehow surprised at his attitude "I like you Remus; unlike _some other people I know_, you can recognize an ally when you see one!" she finished looking triumphantly at McGonagall.

"That's my job Nymphadora!" he continued, and though his heart had jumped slightly at her words he was still glaring at professor McGonagall who remained silent.

"No matter what you call them!" protested Tonks laughing with Kingsley. "Nymphadora, please" she rolled her eyes with despise for her name.

"I can't believe I'm discussing this with you, Remus but… how do you know this girl is not wanting to gain our confidence to find and arrest Sirius?" she asked him with concern "After all she _is _an Auror and he is supposedly Voldemort's most dangerous ally." Tonks looked at her completely scandalized.

"I am not…"

"She is Sirius' cousin why would she want to betray him?" he retorted angrily now and Nymphadora interrupted her sentence with a soft smile in his direction.

"I've just told you why, Remus!" said McGonagall in a menacingly soft tone of voice.

"She believes in his innocence, Minerva and that's enough for me!"

"That's what she said to convince you!" continued McGonagall stubbornly and Nymphadora glared at her still extremely shocked at her words.

"Well I trust her, and Kingsley too!" decided Remus and the girl's eyes flew in his direction with great gratitude.

"Not as much as you do, I'll have to say!" said Kingsley smiling indulgently and Nymphadora frowned at him indignantly for his silly remark."

"Well let's see what Dumbledore has to say, alright?" finished Remus determinedly.

"Fine!" said McGonagall her nostrils flaring "We'll take a chance with this girl but if she fails us it will be your responsibility Remus!"

"She's not going to fail anyone!" he replied confidently, relishing secretly at the beautiful smile she offered to him.

"Alright!" hissed McGonagall "You've won Remus but we're talking about this with Dumbledore and the others."

"Fine for me!" said Nymphadora with a satisfied look on her face "Professor Dumbledore always liked me anyway so…"

"Don't count on that Miss!" interrupted McGonagall severely, "This is not a question of like or dislike, if it was, Professor Snape wouldn't be among us, most certainly."

"He is?" she seemed astonished as she searched Remus' eyes for confirmation.

"Well yes, but you won't have to worry about him. He will be the least of your problems if you join us!" Remus answered smiling "It's going to be a fight almost everyday, but I'll bet that's what you usually do Nymphadora.

"Pretty much, yes!" she answered ignoring completely the purposeful use of her name. He wasn't the kind of person to bicker but it was so amusing to watch her face contort in despair every time she heard that name. He simply could not resist. Besides, he liked her name very much, it was really catchy and he couldn't comprehend why she hated it so much. He felt slightly disappointed when she didn't retort his teasing but he tried to ignore that feeling.

"Well as it happens, tonight we're having a meeting in our Headquarters to receive new members and such." he said after discreetly clearing his voice "So we're taking you both with us. I'm absolutely positive that Dumbledore isn't going to oppose to you Nymphadora!" He finished softly, using her name this time just because it sounded gorgeous to him rather then because he wished to tease her.

"Thanks!" she said smiling friendly at him, which surprisingly warmed his heart in a way he had never felt before "You really are nice, no wonder Sirius is your friend. He always picked the best people.

They had decided to meet in the Leaky Cauldron that evening so that they could go together to the Headquarters, otherwise Kingsley and Nymphadora would not be able to find the place even if they knew the address, due to the Fidelius Charm. Professor McGonagall was extremely bad tempered when they reached the door of the Inn, she had talked to Dumbledore about Nymphadora and he hadn't had anything against her admittance and was even willing to see her and talk to her.

As for Remus he was thrilled at Dumbledore's reaction and felt a strange nervousness about seeing Nymphadora again and to give her the good news. Although he wasn't sure if McGonagall would allow him to say anything seeing as she had been acting a bit cold around him as if it had been his fault that Dumbledore had recognised the girl's abilities. Of course he had tried his best to convince their leader to the point of making Dumbledore laugh at both his and McGonagall's discussion, but there was no need because he would approve Nymphadora anyway.

As soon as they both entered the Leaky Cauldron he ran his eyes anxiously through the space and there she was, sitting on a table with Kingsley Shaklebolt laughing radiantly at something. She had a brilliant laugh, he thought distractedly while he absorbed the sound, examining her from where he was standing. Her hair had returned to the same blue shade as it had been that morning; she seemed to like that colour at the moment. Nymphadora had dressed her robes, and she looked almost a common Witch. He smiled inwardly while thinking that he liked her no matter how she looked, this young lady seemed always so candid through her wild appearance.

"Hi!" he complimented both Nymphadora and Kingsley though his eyes barely left her face, so anxious he was.

"Wotcher Remus, professor McGonagall!" she answered still laughing. "We were just talking about…"

"Spare us from your _amusing_ conversations Nymphadora, because we're not here to talk about that." retorted Minerva as they sat down. Remus didn't like the professor's tone, especially when he saw the embarrassed expression on the girl's face.

"Forgive Professor McGonagall," he said gently "She is just upset because professor Dumbledore is willing to receive you on the Order of the Phoenix."

"Really!" Nymphadora almost shrieked, her eyes brightened and he felt very happy for her all of a sudden, drinking in her reaction. "Oh you did it I'm sure, you convinced him, didn't you?"

"Well… well it was not really necessary, you know… I think you were right, Dumbledore likes you, that's all." said Remus flattered with her confidence but slightly embarrassed at the look Kingsley had given him. Anyway he ignored his new colleague and concentrated instead in the girl's beautiful smile while she looked triumphantly at McGonagall.

"How did you do it?" asked Nymphadora and he told her everything relishing in her joyfulness. He felt the urge to impress her or at least cause a positive impression of himself. She was so interesting, he thought wanting desperately to cause her very much the same good impression she was causing him.

Tom, the landlord, interrupted the enjoyable conversation, wanting to know if they needed something to drink and Remus ordered butterbears for everyone.

"Now what were you laughing at?" he asked kindly and the two Aurors exchanged amused looks.

"Oh there was just something Kingsley was telling me about Snape…" Nymphadora trailed off her sentence when she looked at McGonagall's expression. "Well never mind!" she finished apprehensively and smiled at Remus warmly. He smiled back secretly amused while he imagined, what they had been talking about Severus Snape.

They decided to stay and talk a little bit to disguise their true meanings. While talking about trivialities he couldn't help but being nice to her, to make funny remarks and to have even some fun with her. This was eliciting some ironic remarks from Kingsley who seemed to find them quite amusing. Minerva on the contrary, being as she was particularly aggravated that evening, showed her dismay in heavy sighs.

Finally Remus decided it was time to leave and guided them all to an old, white car. It was a calm, warm evening in the end of June and for once he wasn't thinking about the rising moon. He was too involved in getting to know Nymphadora Tonks better. She was not only an amusing girl, she was also fascinating and, he couldn't explain why but there was something about her that made him felt extremely light-hearted.

"Are we travelling in a muggle car?" she asked curiously.

"Yes, we need to be careful in approaching the Headquarters, you know?" he clarified making her enter in the back seat for McGonagal had already occupied the front one. Remus then settled himself in the driver's seat.

While he drove through the streets of London, they started a light conversation and, even as he talked, he couldn't help observing Nymphadora through the mirror. She was so captivating, he thought to himself, when she laughed again at something Kingsley had said but he hadn't quite catched it, having been so involved in his reverie.

Remus tried to concentrate and turned his attention to the conversation which he now made an effort to take part in. He was feeling very good-tempered that evening, in a way he hadn't felt for a long time and he wanted nothing more than to gain this girl's confidence and friendship forever. It was great having friends again, Sirius, Arthur, Molly and now… Nymphadora. He could just sense from what he already knew about her character that they could be such good friends once they got to know each other more closely.

"Oh by the way I know who you are, I mean, I knew I've heard your name recently!" she interrupted his thoughts becoming suddenly very serious "I was just talking to Kingsley here before you arrived… you're the one who quitted from Hogwarts because you were a Werewolf, aren't you?" he felt a prang of apprehension sinking in his stomach. Well he always knew they had to get there. Nymphadora had to know someday and besides, she had the right to know with whom she was dealing with. It needn't have had to be that day though, he thought bitterly. "I've heard them talking about you in the Ministry. You were a professor at Hogwarts and you left the school, didn't you? Because you were a Werewolf, am I right?" she continued persistently against his heavy silence and he could see through the mirror that she was biting her lower lip curiously.

"Well, yes!" he admitted with the sinking feeling growing deeper in his stomach. This nice girl would certainly run away from him now that she knew what he was; and he wouldn't have a chance to know her better as he had wished. He liked her, vibrant and colourful yes, but nice, frank and quite adorable, she resembled some the few good people from the Black family he met but so much more… amazing. He certainly had never met a girl like her before and he was sure he would never again. But now it was over, he would never see her again and the thing was that the fact he might have just lost a friendship that had barely began was making him feel extremely unhappy. Ecspecially because Nymphadora had seemed to like him. And he couldn't forget her words in the Ministry about him being nice and Sirius picking the best people, that had been extremely flattering but now…

"Absolutely ridiculous if you ask me, the way Werewolves are mistreated in our society. This kind of prejudices make me sick of anger, Werewolves must have had the same rights as any other Wizard!" Nymphadora contiuned, her voice filled with passion. Remus breathed out in relief and suddenly felt very good again, so good he almost laughed out loud. It was so difficult to find people who accepted Werewolves as equals but she accepted them… she accepted him. "It must be a heavy burden. And I truly think you receive enough pain to have to put up with prejudice!" she finished shaking her head in pure admiration. Remus felt thunderstruck, he wasn't definitely expecting this kind of reaction to his curse. Nymphadora was so kind and she had such warm eyes when she had said those things.

"So… aren't you afraid of me for being a werewolf?" he said tentatively, still disbelieving of his luck as he stopped the car in an alley.

"Why? Is it a full moon's night and I haven't noticed?" she mocked when she had stepped out of the car and smoothed her robes with distraction.

"No!" he smiled.

"Thankfully!" she said jokingly, keeping her game and then she faked a worried expression. "Are you planning to bite me right now? Cause if you are I'm warning you that I'll hex you to oblivion!" she said feigning an alert position. Both of them and Kingsley laughed hard at that; McGonagall rolled her eyes impatiently but remained silent, it was like she had decided to make a silent vow.

"It's nice to know really!" said Remus still amused "Is she always this nice with people?" he continued now talking to Kingsley.

"You wait until you know her better" retorted Shacklebolt with a loud laugh "she can be the most irritating woman in the whole world and…"

"Now, shut up, both of you!" interrupted Nymphadora half-smiling "You two are really starting to annoy me!"

"You're quite frank, aren't you?" asked Remus after a brief moment with a friendly smile. Her words about his condition were still making him think.

"Quite, yes!" Remus fell silent as they started to walk the rest of the way from that dark alley to Grimmauld Place in order to better disguise their meanings.

"Well, just so you know Nymphadora, I don't have any plans to bite anyone and much less a girl I've just met. I don't think that's the best way to make a good impression." he continued half-seriously although she had found his remark pretty amusing judging by her laughing "And anyway Werewolves are not supposed to bite without the full-moon. But you know when I'm a wolf I don't really know what I'm doing… I could attack anyone so…"

"So what? When I'm in a bad mood, and I am frequently, believe me, I'll hex my whole family and people don't run away from me… usually that's to say." she corrected herself and Remus laughed again though he seriously doubted that anyone could possibly run away from her. "Seriously though, I am a walking disaster and I destroy everything I touch with my hands, now does that diminish me in others' eyes?" Kingsley coughed loudly to indicate his disagreement. "Well, maybe I didn't choose my words wisely, at least not in my dear friend Kingsley Shacklebolts' point of view!" she corrected and they all laughed again, while McGonagall protested to herself in a low tone of voice.

"I don't think about that as a flaw!" said Remus politely after a short silence being immediately awarded by her sincere smile.

"That's because it's not your work she always ruins. It's my parchment that always ends up on the floor and my quills flying through the air." said Kingsley and Nymphadora looked at him sideways.

"Thank you very much for your compliment, Remus!" she said smiling all over again "but as much as it costs me to say it, _Kingsley is right_,I am really…

"Nothing you have said can be slightly compared with the fact of me being a Werewolf!" he said suddenly very serious.

"Why? I make much more mess in just one day than you would ever do in your entire lifetime." protested Nymphadora stubbornly.

"Thanks for the trust but… this is not an issue to play with!" he said even more gravely, and starting to feel extremely worried with her fearless attitude, though it was really gratifying the fact that she wasn't afraid of him. "Werewolfs are extremely dangerous creatures when they are transformed and…"

"Can't you understand that you are not going to scare me, Remus?" protested Nymphadora firmly.

"She's got a point there, Remus!" said Professor McGonagall talking for the first time since they had left the Leaky Caulderon. "Nymphadora, was never one to get easily scared."

Remus remained silent for a while. He felt extremely confused right then. He thought he knew what to expect from people in general but this girl surprised him, so young and still so audacious, so unafraid of Voldemort, Death Eaters and… and Werewolves, it felt so good.

"You really don't mind that I'm a Werewolf?" he asked with a hint of fear about what the answer would be.

"Do you mind my looks?" asked Nymphadora unexpectedly.

"No, not at all! Why would I?" he asked her, now totally astonished.

"Most people don't like it, they think it's weird!"

"Well, you are what you are… in fact I think you are a very special person, but what does this have to do with…

"There you go, you are what you are and that's what makes _you_ special!" she continued, her eyes brightened with wonder "Just so you know, I couldn't care less if you're a Werewolf or anything else unless you were a Potions teacher. That would be creepy because it would remind me of Snape, and believe me; it took me months when I left Hogwarts to get rid of the nightmares he caused me while he was my teacher."

"Nymphadora!" reprimanded McGonagall but they all ignored her and laughed over and over again at the slight about Snape.

"You aren't a Potions teacher, are you?" she asked in a more serious tone once the laughter had died down again.

"No, I taught Defence Against the Dark Arts" he replied smiling indulgently at her. She made him feel liked this, it certainly would be very difficult to be angry with her, she was just so nice.

"Thank goodness!" she placed an hand over her heart in mock relief, "Well, that's cool! Defence Against The Dark Arts was one of my favourite subjects along with Transfiguration, of course. In fact professor McGonagall is one of the best teachers I have ever met." she complimented, using her intelligent manoeuvre to convince her former teacher to accept her in the Order of the Phoenix.

"I would say that being a Metamorphmagus would give you some advantages in Transfiguration!" observed Kingsley out of the blue.

"Some, yes!" confirmed Nymphadora with a smile "Anyway I had seven Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, is the place still cursed?" she asked to Remus curiously.

"Enough silliness!" said McGonagall roughly although she was still clearly flattered with Nymphadora's remark about her subject and herself as a Hogwarts' teacher "We arrived and we must go in!"

Remus felt overwhelmed as he thought about everything Nymphadora had said. She truly didn't mind if he was a Werewolf and he felt very light, this was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He glanced at the girl in awe, the more he knew about her, the more he admired her, the more he was certain he had done the right choice… the more he wanted to know about her.

As soon as the newcomers were able to enter Grymauld Place Nymphadora started to eye everything appraisingly.

"I've never been to this house, thanks to Merlin! I can see it's horrid, it's so creepy I just can't imagine how awful it would be growing up in this home"

"Shush…" hissed McGonnagall "Please just try not to make any noise because…" too late Nymphadora had just tripped on an Umbrella's stand and if Remus hadn't been quick enough into grabbing it, Sirius' Mum would have destroyed their ears for a week. Nymphadora definitely didn't need that on her first day in Grymmauld Place, he thought worriedly, feeling elated with her grateful smile.

"Thanks again, I think you are bound to correct my messes!" she said forcing herself not to laugh and he wanted nothing more than to laugh himself at the situation but concentrated instead in not making loud noises while he walked.

Remus guided the others through a dusty corridor into the living room and, as soon as they entered, Nymphadora yelped and ran to the only man who stood there.

"Sirius!" she said hugging him.

"Nymphadora?" he asked in disbelief looking from her to Remus, McGonagall and Kingsley…

"It's Tonks please but… You remember me?"

"Well I haven't met many other girls with a liking for such strange hair colours." he remarked. She laughed with him and didn't argue his reasons for remembering her. "Now, isn't she adorable, she's my cousin!" explained Sirius smiling at Remus who preferred not to make any compromising commentaries "By the way what are you doing with my cousin, what is she doing here, certainly she didn't pass by for a visit, did she? Tell me, what are you doing here Tonks?"

"I could ask you the same question, but I'm here to join the Order of the Phoenix!" she informed proudly and her eyes met Remus' for a brief second full of gratefulness.

"Not if I can put a stop to it!" said McGonagall sternly, "Just so you know Sirius, she is here today completely against my will."

"Why? She can perfectly…"

"Oh, never mind professor McGonagall! She doesn't think I fit in, it was Remus who offered me a place." Nymphadora smiled at him candidly and he felt, all of a sudden, incredibly proud of himself.

"_Remus_ did that? And by the look of things you two are getting along very well now, aren't you?" joked Sirius "You choose well Remus… Members for the order I mean!" he smiled sarcastically and Remus decided not to respond. Sirius always loved to make fun of everybody but, anyway he was right, Remus and Nymphadora were getting along very well. That was fair and it was nothing to be ashamed of, especially because true friendship was something only few people achieved.

"Sirius is also in the order as you can see!" he clarified to Nymphadora who was looking from one to another a little bit confused while professor McGonagall guided Kingsley out of the room, hissing complaints. "I didn't tell you sooner because I thought you would like to see him first!"

"And you're surprising her too!" Sirius said ironically "That's nice, really nice!" Well, Remus had to admit that he secretly enjoyed the idea of surprising Nymphadora, her face was shining in a way that…

"So you really are innocent Sirius!" she said unperturbed, ignoring her cousin's embarrassing remarks "Well I was still a little girl when that horrible thing happened but I always believed in your innocence. I assumed it must have been some kind of mistake and, when Remus here quitted from the school and the Minister came with a story about Harry Potter believing in your innocence I thought, _well, if Harry Potter believes than it must be true!_"

"That's my little Nymphadora!" said Sirius proudly to Remus and only this time she didn't correct his use of her name "We've seen each other only a few times when you were a little girl but you still believed in my innocence… unlike my best friend!" he finished hugging her tenderly while giving an ironic glance to Remus who shrugged his shoulders dismissively.

"You thought _I_ was the traitor, remember?"

"Fair enough, Remus, fair enough!"

In that exact moment McGonagall came to call them and they all headed together to the meeting room, where everybody was gathered talking in low whispers.

"Hi Nymphadora!" Bill Weasley came to greet her cheerfully "I haven't seen you for so long!"

"Bill, how are you?" she said a little louder than she should have done and some people looked at her with annoyance. This was a bad start, thought Remus worriedly. But she seemed not to have noticed a thing since she had continued to talk vivaciously with Bill Weasley, who seemed to be very amused with her spontaneous way of talking and didn't make a move to stop her. "I've been very occupied with my Auror training, you know? How about you, still in Egypt?

"No, I asked to be settled here in London so that I can help the Order of the Phoenix."

"So you are also a member of the Order?" she asked approvingly.

"Yes, and you?"

"We are going to start!" interrupted Molly approaching them in quick paces.

"How are you Mrs. Weasley?" said Nymphadora politely.

"Oh Nymphadora, dear I haven't seen you since you graduated from Hogwarts. What are you doing here, by the way?" asked Molly half distracted and Remus sensed she would be a strong opponent to the girl's acceptance and acted quickly before Nymphadora could answer the question.

"We have to go Nymphadora!" he said touching her shoulder gently and signalled the table where everybody was gathering now.

"Yes, yes, you're right Remus… now sit up all of you." Molly ordered them and he felt relieved, he didn't want to put up a fight with Molly even before the meeting had started.

"Anyway Charlie is still in Romenia searching for foreigner militants, he is also in the Order, you know?" continued Bill while following them since Remus started to guide Nymphadora to a sit next to him.

"Oh, I've missed him, we got along very well at Hogwarts!" she finished smiling sweetly at Remus "I could even say Charlie was my best friend at school!

"Professor McGonagall told me you two were… well let's just say she didn't fancy your friendship all that much!" said Remus trying his best not to sound acid. He didn't know why but he wasn't appreciating the way she talked about Charlie Weasley.

"Well we hadn't the best of behaviours, you know!" she said laughing but Remus still felt annoyed about her friendship with Charlie.

"Welcome, welcome my friends!" said Dumbledore solemnly interrupting his strange thoughts "I believe we are gathered here to receive our most new members, or at least the ones who could come today. Bill Weasley…" Molly groaned in dismay, she had been against the entrance of her children in the Order, of course "… and Kingsley Shaklebolt! Welcome my friends and I expect the best from you in this organization. Now I think Remus has something to say!" finished Dumbledore after all of them had greeted the new members.

"Well yes, this is Nymphadora Tonks!" he introduced after clearing his throat and ignored her impatience for the use of her given name. She might hate it but he couldn't call her anything else, her name just wouldn't leave his head. He paused uncertainly feeling nervous all of a sudden. He had offered Nymphadora a chance and he depended only on his words to convince the others. If he failed she would be out without even a chance to prove herself worthy. She would be very disappointed if that happened and he couldn't fail this girl, he could not loose her friendship "We've talked to her today and I invited her to become a Member of the Order of the Phoenix. She accepted so…"

"You can't just ask anyone you spot, Remus!" said Elphias Dodge severely after a brief silence had filled the room at Remus' words.

"She's not just anyone, she's my little cousin!" defended Sirius steadily, before Remus could retort.

"Which means?" asked Snape brusquely.

"Nobody asked your opinion Snivellus!" continued Sirius hotly.

"I have the right to interfere since we have to deal with her everyday if she's in." said Snape malevolently "And we don't even know if this girl is trustworthy being, as she is, cousin of a criminal."

"Hey criminals aren't all that bad!" remarked Mundungus Fletcher with a snort.

"And who are you to talk about me you filthy traitor?" said Sirius ignoring Mundungo's interference.

"The fact is that she's good" defended McGonnagal cutting through the fight between the two men "though I think she's not right for the job! She's an Auror for about what… a year?

"I think she's just what we need!" intervened Remus still breathing heavily because of his anger towards Snape "She is young, quick thinking, brave, besides she is an Auror and a Metamorphmagus!" at his last word some people watched Nymphadora intently. Snape was the only one who smiled sarcastically but he ignored him, he would not waste his time fighting Severus Snape.

"Yes but she is a bit sloppy!" remarked Mad Eye Moody "I assisted some of her exams before she became an Auror and, although she really is good and brave, she is a total mess and all too young, if you ask my opinion!". Well at least he hadn't put her down totally, thought Remus dryly.

"Hey Charlie is the same age as I am!" she protested talking for the first time, for she seemed to have been controlling herself until then.

"Charlie Weasley knows exactly what he's doing!" retorted Moody harshly.

"And I don't? Oh please spare me!" said Nymphadora fiercely "You don't like me all that much just because I'm not as paranoid as you are."

"Well as I said she's my little cousin and I like her nerve, for me she's in!" interrupted Sirius when she started to clench her fists angrily.

"And she is truly a good professional!" admitted Kingsley fairly.

"Well I know her very well!" said Arthur Weasley with a warm smile "She's an Auror and a Metamorphmagus, which is valuable to our cause, don't forget about that. I know for sure she is an excellent professional and anyway I trust Remus' judgement!"

"Me too!" said Bill Weasley "I've known her since school and I assure you she knows exactly what she is getting into. You've got my vote Tonks."

"Thanks Bill! Thanks all of you!" Remus didn't like it all that much, he was helping her in, not Bill, why was she thanking him anyway, he thought angrily.

"Well I think she's just a child like my sons, you can't Nymphadora!" said Molly folding her arms "I am completely against!"

Everybody started to talk at the same time discussing the issue. Remus was trying to convince Dedalus Diggle and Elphias Doge who seemed to be against her but Emeline Vance, Sturgis Podmore and Hestia Jones were defending her right to join in, as for Mundungus Fletcher he clearly didn't care about the issue. Dumbledore was the only one who remained silent with a faint smile playing on his face.

Nymphadora was still discussing fervently with Molly about being old enough for deciding her life for herself and not even letting her mum interfere in it.

"You just can't Nymphadora!" insisted Molly obstinately.

"What, I…" started Nymphadora but was interrupted by no other than Severus Snape.

"Well _I think_ that if Lupin wants to get himself a girlfriend he doesn't need to put her under our noses, we've got much more to worry about." he said loudly. Everybody fell silent instantly, some of them smiled discretely and Kingsley and Tonks actually laughed at that.

"I don't think that it is your business what I do with my personal life, Severus!" answered Remus after a brief pause, not wanting to respond directly to that rude remark since this had nothing to do with romance. Remus had to admit though that he definitely was trying to impress this girl, so Snape had a point there, but he was not using this to seduce anyone. He would never asked Nymphadora to join the Order if she wasn't good enough… well maybe… maybe he would have found any other way to get to know her better, he wanted to be friends with her but… anyway a girl like Nymphadora wouldn't ever be involved with him even if he wanted to, so Snape had nothing to worry about. He forced himself to focus his attention in the conversation "What's really important here is that she…"

"It matters to me and all of us if you are using an important association to get a girl's attention!" persisted Snape sardonically.

"I am not…" Remus started firmly but trailed off, Snape wanted a fight so he wouldn't have it "Look Severus, Nymphadora deserves a chance to prove herself worthy and…

"We are a little touchy about this now aren't we Lupin?" asked Snape ironically. So what, maybe he was but he only wanted to show the others that this girl had qualities that only a few achieved. Nymphadora deserved a chance and, as far as he was concerned, she was going to get it. "Having all this trouble just to force us to accept this girl among us, it can not be just because we need allies, is it? What do you think about this Nymphadora?"

"Well, what can I say? Certainly you would need more than to offer a place in the Order to get a girlfriend _professor Snape_, more like a spell, a very powerful one indeed but Remus doesn't need that, does he?" she said smiling cheekily. Almost everybody laughed hard at her statement but Lupin felt a little embarrassed "Personally I think he is quite charming, very handsome and if you really want to know, a bit of a catch!" she finished without a hint of embarrassment and she seemed quite sincere as she stared defiantly at Snape ignoring everyone's wild laughter. Remus was feeling all of a sudden slightly awkward at her honesty and Snape seemed to have drunken a cauldron full of Wolfsbane. Well anyway it felt good to know that she thought he was better than Severus Snape.

"You know, for such a supposedly smart Auror you look to me a bit infantile!" retorted Snape acidly "Well I always knew at school that you would never get far, no matter how much the other professors praised you."

"You weren't my favourite teacher either!" she snapped with a small chuckle and even Lupin had to laugh at that, she really was a funny girl, no matter what.

"Don't count on me to watch your back girl, that's all I have to say!" said Snape sharply, folding his arms insolently.

"Severus…" began Dumbledore but Lupin didn't let him finish.

"You heard Kingsley, Nymphadora is a very accomplished Auror and doesn't need you to look after her, not you nor anyone!" he defended fiercely and some people looked at him astonished, he didn't usually talk like that to anyone, not even Snape.

"Not that anyone would trust you with that task anyway!" added Sirius in a superior tone of voice.

"If she needed protection, _which she doesn't_, Sirius and I would take the job, thanks!" finished Remus looking a little bit more controlled.

"There you are _professor_!" said Nymphadora laughing brilliantly and he enjoyed the sound very much. The more he knew this girl the more he liked her, she was so irreverent and he liked it, liked it very much indeed, she never shut up not even to Snape or McGonagall and he respected her for that.

"That's enough Nymphadora!" interrupted McGonagall trying very hard to suppress a smile.

"All right professor, I'm sorry if I offended people with the truth!" finished Nymphadora still smiling mischievously.

"Well, well, well ladies and gentlemen!" said Dumbledore finally with an amused smile in his eyes "If I am allowed to say a word, I think that Nymphadora has the right to talk in her defence, do you want to join us?

"Of course I do, I want to fight!" she said clearly.

"That should be enough!" Remus pointed outglaring directly at Snape "We are in need of people and therefore, everyone with the will to fight against Voldemort should be allowed, especially someone as valuable as Nymphadora! And she is not afraid of calling Voldemort by his name unlike _some other people I know_. She is just perfect for the task and I hope most of you will understand that!" he stated fervently ignoring the shivers that ran the room at the sound of the dark wizard's name. He could only notice that the girl was staring at him in high regard while everyone else seemed to be pondering his words.

"Very well then, I really think Nymphadora would fit our cause and I have to compliment you Remus for the find!" commented Dumbledore with a large smile "It's not everyday we can find Aurors willing to fight for us, never mind Metamorphmagus. You definitely have a knack for finding suitable people Remus." Dumbledore smiled over his halfmoon spectacles and Remus felt extremely flattered.

"To be quite frank Remus put it in a simple way and I think we should give her a chance" said Dedalus Diggle. "after all she is putting a real fight for it!"

"And she's got cheeky answers we have to admit." continued Dumbledore with a laugh.

"Always had!" protested Snape angrily but nobody paid him any attention since most of them were nodding approvingly now at Nymphadora.

"I must admit you were right as usual, Remus!" said McGonagall a little bit upset "So I think you are in, Nymphadora and though I still think you're quite clumsy, I also recognise your qualities so… welcome to the Order of the Phoenix!" she finished half-smiling. Everybody started to talk and some were leaving the chairs, the meeting had ended.

"Thanks, professors!" said Nymphadora smiling triumphantly "And thank you Remus, I will not let you down!" she finished kissing him softly on the cheek and looking daringly at Snape right after. Remus was still surprised with how quickly he had convinced almost everyone who was against her admittance, and was caught by surprise by her kiss when he felt a soft warmness on his face. Her simple gesture only made him feel even better with himself and he had to stop himself from laughing at the look on Snape's face.

"Congratulations!" said Moody examining Nymphadora with his blue eye.

"I always knew you could make it!" added Kingsley smiling at her.

"Oh, leave me alone, I'm in but not thanks to you two!" she retorted to Moody and Kingsley "I only counted with Remus here, who doesn't even really know me.

"Oh but he would have liked it I'm sure!" murmured Kingsley, "And… hey I helped you!" he added, "though I have to admit I didn't fight the way Remus did!"

"That much is true! No one helped me like he did!" she said smiling brightly and he felt once more overwhelmed by this girl.

"I… I only did what had to be done and you deserved it, you know that!"

"Yeah, but if you hadn't helped me I wouldn't have made it" she continued still smiling "This is just great! Does it mean that I am finally going to meet Harry Potter?" some people rolled their eyes at Nymphadora's joviality but Remus smiled at her genuinely.

She was very pleasant and made him feel a strange happiness. He felt good with her like he hadn't felt with anybody else for a long time. He knew she had truly appreciated his gesture of helping her joining the Order of The Phoenix, though he had done only what was right but it made him feel proud anyway. All in all he was very pleased he had found a person like her, she would be certainly a wonderful friend for himself.

_End of Flashback_

She started stirring and he woke up from the reverie that had been caused by his memories. He looked at her expectantly, anxious to see her wake up, to certify himself that she was fine.

He wanted so much to caress her face right then, to run his hands through that soft bubblegum hair of hers, to kiss her forehead, her hands… to hold her tight in his arms…

Remus resisted the urge to plainly lay his forehead on hers and hide his face on his hands with a sobbing sigh. He couldn't… he wouldn't destroy her life, he thought feeling his heart broke into a million pieces. Even so he glanced at her painfully. For once he allowed himself the pleasure of watching her freely. Although it was at the same time a torment to him, looking at Nymphadora but not touching her endearing features, at least it would not harm her.

She was so different, so beautiful, so… perfect ever since they met. He had never allowed himself to love anyone and now he had fallen without warning. She had transformed his numb and half-lived life; he became alive near her, and only near her could he breathe freely. He wanted nothing more than to pledge to her his worthless life.

He should have known that first time he had touched Nymphadora when he had helped her to not trip… he had never felt anything so thrilling by only touching a girl before. He unconsciously decided to quieten his emotions back then for the best of everyone, but every time he had touched her after that he enjoyed the feeling of her warmness secretly.

After she had been accepted into the order, Remus had appreciated her presence even moreso. She was nice and bright, she filled any room with joy when she entered and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her even if he tried. Moody was the first to notice his attachment to Nymphadora, even before Sirius, even before himself really. Probably it had been that strange eye of his who could see far beyond the eyes, or perhaps he simply perceived what nobody had understood yet.

Remus remembered clearly that Moody had told him to be alert of his own feelings towards the girl so he wouldn't hurt her or himself. He had tried to deny it, embarrassed as he was, but Alastor Moody seemed somehow amused by him and his little crush on the young Witch, although he hadn't came to terms of what was happening to him yet. He liked her of course, found her beautiful, attractive and interesting yes, but he thought they were only good friends and nothing more but anyway, after that he started to be careful and observed Nymphadora more discretely.

It was very difficult not to notice her really, especially because she was always giving him attention and calling his own attention to her; making him laugh with her. He didn't mind having her around and he actually grew fond of it, he liked having her always close to him. Maybe that was why Dumbledore usually put them together in the Order missions. They seemed to understand each other without speaking and that was rare on those days; or maybe because he also had understood what was really happening between them.

The best of it, anyway, was that she seemed to truly enjoy his company; always paying him compliments and making him feel important to someone whenever she asked him help. She flattered him with her youthful fascination with his knowledge of books and the war itself and he secretly relished in her admiration. Nymphadora always had made him feel almost normal and she made him feel like he was a better person than he really was. She believed in him, like only a few in his whole life ever had.

Remus appreciated her gestures so much that he wanted to make her feel as flattered as she made him feel. He paid her all the attention he could manage and laughed condescendingly at her jokes but he was always anxious for anything else though he did not know or didn't want to know exactly what it was. When she had kissed him for the first time he had understood that this was what he so desperately wanted.

He hadn't seen his friendship turning to love but Nymphadora had meant more to him than he could understand just back then, so much he couldn't bear any other man coming close to her. At first Remus thought he wanted to have her friendship only for himself but now he knew he had felt jealous when watching her talking to others, especially Bill Weasley, even before he had found out he loved her. And when she talked about Charlie he felt so… absurdly jealous.

But now, watching her, knowing the risk she had just been taking he knew he couldn't loose her, and that would happen if they got together. She didn't deserve the kind of life he had to offer. She had so much passion inside of her heart, so much life… he couldn't take that from her, he was a Werewolf, he thought as to try to convince himself. He couldn't ask her to live a clandestine life, to be afraid everyday of loosing him or herself because of his curse; a life of fear, of being judged and excluded of the rest of the society. And she had lived so much less compared to him… besides he had practically nothing of his own, not even a decent job. He just couldn't do it, he shouldn't give her any kind of hope, he shouldn't even dream of her. If they ever… it would only hurt them both even more.

Remus touched her warm face tenderly and his fingertips ached when he withdrew them. He left them there, inches apart her skin, and he felt like dying in the pain of being so close that he could feel the heat radiating from her and not allowing himself to close the distance again. He knew now he had loved her ever since they met, but he didn't expect it to be so difficult to resist her, he had always been so under controlled. Why did she have to go and kiss him again, why couldn't he just resist her? Why did she have to love him back? It would have been so much more easy if she hadn't feel the same feelings for him. It would have been only a matter of controlling himself around her, but with her feeling the same way his worries doubled.

Remus recalled again the day he first met her and smiled sadly at that. Although they were meant to be apart; although they were as the sun and the moon, complimenting each other but never allowed to be together as one, he would keep this treasure hidden in his heart forever. When they first met… it all started that day, the day she cast a spell on him.

A/N: So what do you think about this chapter? I hope I have done a good job!

Please read and review, it's really important to me!

I would like to thank all my reviewers I haven't thanked yet, Karla Marie and Kylie (Pervy Severus Snape Lovers); blackolives10 (Ginny), thanks for having this story on your favourites and in your alert list; Alex Nelson (Alex202), thanks for your support and for having this story and myself on your alert lists, keep reading please; and a special thanks to Godsgracie12, keep reviewing my chapters and thanks for adding this story to your favourites list. To all of you thanks for reviewing my last chapter.

I would also like to thank all of you people who put this story on your favourites list Gorgeousabs1, Nymphadora85, Ynaneila; and to everyone who is waiting for this story to continue, having it and myself on your alert lists Alli-Baby, Eliria, FyAnnwn, Withered Quill, Sexyface and Sharivari. Last but not least I would like to thank all the readers in general, I hope you keep enjoying this story and please leave me your precious reviews.

To end this note I want to say a very special thanks to Courtney (Kara)! Thank you so much for editing this chapter and making my story all the more enjoyable for everyone. You did a great job with my grammar and I couldn't make it without your help! I want to thank you also for your support (and reviews by the way) and for including me in your favourite Authors and in your C2 community _The Witches and Wizards of Fanfiction_. I highly recommend this C2 Community to everyone who likes reading really good stories. I've read some myself and they are great.

Well this was a really long note but I hope I haven't forgotten anything. Anyway I hope you all have enjoyed this chapter and if you please read and review I would be extremely grateful.

Now, if you want to know what happens next in St. Mungus… keep reading!


	4. I Don't Care

Disclaimer: As always all these amazing characters belong to J. K. Rowling, I'm only a writer wannabe :).

Summary: Remus had decided to give up on his love for Nymphadora but what about her? This is mainly what happened when Tonks woke up in St. Mungus Hospital and the consequences of Remus resolution. The first part is from Tonks' point of view and the second from Remus'. Please read and enjoy!

A Bit Of His Past

By: She-Elfgirl

Chapter IV

I Don't Care

Nymphadora Tonks woke up with a start, at first she felt confusion as she did not recognize the place, but suddenly she remembered everything that had happened. She had been fighting Bellatrix and she had been doing fine but the Witch had deceived her. Tonks could only remember feeling an excruciating pain and then she had lost her senses. Tonks could tell now that she was in the hospital but… what had happened to the others… to Remus… who had brought her there?

"I thought you would never wake up, you lazy girl! You have been here for three hours. Guess you've found your own way to take a nap!" she turned her head quickly at the sound of his soft and amused voice, she felt her head spinning a little bit and the headache that had started to annoy her ever since she had woken up increased.

"Remus?" she meant to scream but her voice came out in barely a whisper while she was trying to sit up in her bed.

"In flesh and blood!" he was smiling, obviously relieved that she was okay and forced her gently back to the bed.

"Are you all right?" she asked hugging him tight before he could stop her. She felt him wince at her touch and her heart sank in dismay when she remembered the way he had pushed her away after kissing her in Grimmauld Place just before the battle.

"Fine!" he answered nervously.

"I was so scared in the Ministry… scared that something might happen to… to you Remus!" she continued studying his features intently to certify herself that he really was alright.

"And you, are you ok?" he asked freeing himself carefully from her embrace with such sad eyes, choosing not to respond to her remark. Tonks managed a faint smile though she had started to feel pain all over her body.

"Well, my head is exploding, all my body hurts, I feel dizzy and half feverish… so I would say I'm just fine!" she chuckled at her own joke but then she felt even worse than before. He laughed with her but there was something about him that sounded gloomy and suddenly she understood by the expression on his face that something had gone wrong on the Ministry, something terrible had happened.

"What's wrong, Remus? Harry… something happened to him?"

"No!" he answered tensely and averted his eyes hastily away from her but she perceived that he was feeling miserable about something that was beyond her knowledge.

"Then what… oh Merlin…" the truth sank on her finally "Someone… who… who died?

"Nymphadora we… well you must rest!" he decided for her and started to rise from his chair "And, seeing as you are awake now, I must leave you alo…"

"Tell me, Remus! I know that someone died…" insisted Tonks firmly. She could tell he didn't want to answer her question and something in his attitude made her suspect the worse "Oh no, it was… Sirius!" she guessed biting her quivering lip. He gazed at her briefly and then lowered his eyes but not before she understood what they were hiding, they couldn't deny the truth and with a sob she started to cry in utter dismay.

"Shh!" Remus tried to calm her down and pulled her into his strong and warm embrace, looking somehow abashed with her tearful outburst. Tonks clung to him appreciating his support, she needed it more than ever "You shouldn't stress yourself like this Nymphadora, you're still hurt and weak!" he said hoarsely while kissing the top of her head soothingly "He was fighting Bellatrix and she…" he trailed of pulling her closer to him but Tonks was crying all the more inconsolable by his words.

"It was my fault…" she informed feeling utterly guilty, she had done it, she had killed Sirius. Sure enough it had been Bellatrix's wand, but it had been her responsibility. If Tonks had defeated that Death Eater she wouldn't have… killed her dear cousin Sirius.

"It was not your fault, Nymphadora!" stated Remus steadily, starting to stroke her hair absentmindedly "How can you say something like that, how could it have been your fault?"

"I…I… it… it was my fault, Remus!" she continued stuttering between her sobs. Her head felt so heavy but she had to explain herself, although he might hate her after he understood her responsibility over Sirius' death.

"You're not guilty for anything!" Remus grabbed her face between his hands and made her look into his soft and gentle eyes " Nymphadora you are just saying those things because you're in shock, and it's natural, but you're not responsible for…"

"I'm telling you that it was my fault!" she cried out weakly, knowing full well that she was repeating herself "Can't you understand? I was fighting with her… with… with Bellatrix and I lost.

"Don't be so tough on yourself, Nymphadora!" he said in an understanding tone of voice. She was sure that Remus didn't blame her, he was too kind for that, for blaming anyone but Bellatrix; besides he seemed to understand why she was saying those things and he seemed to truly believe her innocent yet she felt guilty ecspecially because he didn't think she was responsible. "How could you have guessed what was going to happen?"

"But… but if I had not fainted he wouldn't have had to fight her, if I hadn't failed like an idiot and he would still be…"

"If you hadn't fallen bravely in combat you could… could have been in his place!" corrected Remus in a low whisper after swallowing hard "Now it would have been him here lamenting himself and my… our loss it would have been… equally painful." he finished hesitantly.

"Really!" she said softly, still sobbing while he tried to dry her suffering tears.

"Of course!" he grabbed her hands and squeezed them softly between his "You are as important to the Order of the Phoenix as Sirius was." he finished half-heartedly rubbing her hands distractedly.

"And for you?" she asked anxiously after a brief pause. Remus didn't answer her question and lowered his eyes while releasing her hands hastily "Oh, come on Remus, Sirius was more important to you than any other member of the Order, he was your best mate…" she said impatiently "and I'm sure, forgive my arrogance, that I am important to you too, maybe just as much as Sirius or… at least in a different way. And I know that if… if something should happen to you I wouldn't bear it, I couldn't." Remus looked stunned by her words and he seemed to be searching desperately for something to say.

"Well of course he was, just as you are, very important to me. You were both my friends, you still are fortunately but…

"We're not _just_ friends anymore and you know it!" she whispered with her voice trembling "Remus I lo…"

"I know and don't say it, please!" he whispered sounding completely desperate as he got up from his chair.

"I love you!" she said out loud raising her chin defiantly. He closed his eyes briefly as if he had been afraid of hearing those same words more than anything and she dried her tears furiously.

"Don't say that!" he pleaded, his eyes fixed on the wall behind her.

"Why, it's true! Remus, look at me!" she kneeled painfully on the bed and grabbed his face, feeling dizzy yet extremely resolute "I love you, Remus! I love you so much, and don't tell me to shut up, don't tell me to hide it because I won't do it, alright?" Remus grabbed her hands and freed himself slowly from her touch as if every inch they grew apart was causing him an unbearable pain. He remained silent for a minute or so examining the blanket of the bed.

"Don't say things you can't possibly feel, Nymphadora!" he said without looking at her, obviously trying to sound indifferent but failing in his despair.

"What do you mean by that!" she said harshly. Tonks knew she was sounding a bit aggressive but she didn't care by then. She knew this man loved her and wanted to hear it from him.

"You're so young, it's… it's just a crush!" he finished with difficulty, clearly not believing his own words.

"It's not _just a crush _and you know it, Remus!" said Tonks firmly, hitting the bed with her hands stubbornly clenched "I love you, I love you, I love you, I l…

"Then you shouldn't love me!" he interrupted her in a determined yet bitter tone of voice.

"I shouldn't love you, you say, but why?" she asked furiously "Why are you saying this to me?"

"Well I think it's better if I leave you alone so that you can rest because…

"You just can't leave me alone! I need your company or else I'm going to be sick in this hospital." she said suddenly afraid of being there all alone… without him and he smiled briefly. "Besides you haven't answer my question, why are you…

"I'm sorry Nymphadora but…" he hesitated for quite long while he fidgeted with the sleeves of his robes. Tonks sighed deeply, she had given up correcting him about the use of her name and besides she had other concerns right then. She knew he was avoiding her question and that she wouldn't get an answer unless she kept persisting. "Well we have plenty important things to do, in the Order you know. And, as much as I'm concerned about you, as much as it would please me to keep you company this night, you need to rest and I must…"

"Stop it!" she screamed in a surprisingly strong tone of voice and he stared at her in astonishment.

"What… what are you…

"Will you stop pretending that nothing has happened?" continued Tonks trembling with suppressed anger, her head was aching and spinning drastically but she had to bring him back to reason. "Your best friend died, my cousin, as a matter of fact, I'm suffering here and so are you. And I don't know if you have noticed Remus, but I've just declared my love to you and you've ignored me completely. That's not fair! If you wanted me to give up on this feeling you could at least have said that you're sorry but you don't feel the same way about me, which I know is not true; you could have told me that this is not the right moment or that you don't think that it could work. But ignoring me this way… it's like you were afraid of something and I know you're not afraid of anything. Anyway, I'm warning you that I'll never give up on you, no matter what you say, so would you stop bottling your emotions and come back here immediately. I need you to stay with me!" when she finished talking Tonks was breathing heavily, tears filling her eyes again but Remus just stood still, staring at her for a long time, his expression inscrutable, until suddenly he burst out laughing. She felt completely dumbfounded, Remus seemed half between amused and bitter but he sat back again on the chair by her bed. "What are you laughing at?" she asked absolutely furious.

"Nothing actually, it's just that…" he laughed again and she waited impatiently. She could tell he was trying very hard to suppress his nervous laughing "Sorry, I was so worried about you… and only now, seeing you awake and discussing with me, I am completely relieved about your health. I mean, you're just fine if you can insist with me in that fervent way of yours." continued Remus a little more serious

"I hope that is a compliment!" said Tonks with a half smile and he actually laughed at that.

"There is no doubt that you have the ability of convincing people of your proposals!" remarked Remus still smiling and then suddenly he hid his face on his hands and his shoulders started to shake violently. Tonks bit her lip nervously, her heart sank in desolation, she didn't want him to suffer like that, she wanted to ease his pain. Uncertain of what to do, Tonks decided to follow her heart. She sat up on her bed close to him and hugged him tight, comforting him in his desolation. For once he didn't flinch at her touch, and didn't even protest, he just remained there still for some time.

"Alright, you want honesty but…" Remus startled her when he spoke hoarsely "What do you want me to say? That I hate Bellatrix… that I am shocked at Sirius' sudden death? I… I don't know how I feel exactly, I… I only know that… He was the last of my friends, you know? I still can't believe we have lost him forever!" he said hugging her all of a sudden and holding on to her as if only Tonks could soothe his pain. "It was so painful to loose James and now… just when Sirius had finally left Azkaban… it's just not fair!"

"I know, I know!" she said kissing his forehead tenderly and caressing his soft hair, while letting her tears run freely down her face. "He was so young, he had so much left to live for!"

"I just don't know what to do now that my last friend has gone forever!" he barely murmured.

"I don't know what to do either but we still have each other!" she said sadly and waited for a response that never came "Remus!"

"Yes Nymphadora?" his voice sounded so tired that she hugged him tighter. "Just… just stay with me, don't leave me alone, please! We'll keep each other company, alright?" Tonks raised her eyes to his in a silent plead.

"All right, I think we both need the company of a friend right now!" he agreed weakly, his weary eyes diving on hers full of gratitude and she decided not to contradict him about their supposed friendship. Tonks was relishing the fact that he still had his comforting arms around her and she didn't want him to break his embrace, which would certainly happen if she kept insisting on the issue.

They remained there, just holding on to one another, grieving for Sirius. It felt so comforting, his strong embrace, his low voice murmuring consolations although she could tell he was trying to put himself altogether. They spent the night talking about Sirius and Remus didn't, even once, mention her confession and Tonks didn't insist. It was not the right moment, besides she thought that he wasn't at all in the mood to fight right then, so she remained silent about her feelings towards him. However in the morning, before he left she decided to try her luck again on the subject.

"As for the other of our issues Remus, I…"

"Sh…" he interrupted pressing a finger softly to her lips. Remus caressed her face gently, as if he had not been able to control himself, and he lingered there a little bit. She shivered slightly at the contact and tilted her head towards his hand, closing her eyes delighted at the emotions brought by that simple gesture. Tonks wanted to kiss him so much and she saw in his eyes, when she searched them, that he wanted nothing more than to kiss her too.

"Please, I… I would rather not talking about this issue right now!" he whispered, withdrawing his hand abruptly away from her skin and she felt her face cold in the absence of his warm touch.

"Why not, Remus?" she asked in a weak tone of voice for her head was starting to ache painfully all over again.

"I have to go to Grymmauld Place and certainly the others must be arriving to visit you." said Remus with a sad smile, avoiding answering her question directly "You behave until I return!" he added kissing her forehead tenderly.

"Don't talk to me like that Remus, I can take care of myself without needing your advice!" she argued indignantly and his eyes shone briefly before he continued.

"I know Nymphadora! Oh, but I want to take care of you!" he continued teasingly but than his expression turned serious all of a sudden. "Now that he's gone, you're at my exclusive responsibility…"

"What? I am not at anyone's responsibility!" she retorted firmly. "I've told you before, I am no child and I am perfectly capable of…"

"You should rest really, I'll be outside if you need me!" he interrupted, smiling again at her fury, before he strode to the door "I'll just step by the Headquarters to see if Dumbledore needs me and I'll be back as soon as possible to keep you company or to just stay outside in case you need something." He gave her one last look before turning the doorknob.

"I'm not going to be silent, are you listening to me?" she yelled before Remus stepped outside, understanding now that he had intended to distract her from that issue, and she throw a pillow at him furiously but he had closed the door just in time to not being hit.

Tonks made a noise of pure frustration, she loved that man desperately but right now she was infuriated with him. Why was he acting like this when she knew for sure they loved each other endlessly?

Anyway she would never, ever give up on him! Tonks couldn't quite determine when all the force of this mutual feeling had began but she would never regret having fallen in love with this man. Well, to tell the truth, she had liked him ever since they first talked to each other. Remus had been so gentle in that time, so humorous, so helpful and fervent in his belief in her, even though he didn't know her enough to be certain of her capacities. She still remembered clearly how he had fought for her admittance in the Order of the Phoenix, Remus had been simply adorable back then. And she had felt absolutely fascinated by him since that very first day.

He was older than her, an active fighter and… a brave Werewolf that had been enduring so much physical pain and prejudice throughout his whole life… she couldn't help but to feel thoroughly captivated and actually attracted to him ever since that day, so much she had decided to be his friend or… whatever she could manage to be. Tonks had meant each and every word she had told Snape that very same day and she had quite enjoyed to show her former teacher that Remus was so much better than he would ever be. Remus was an attractive, handsome and intelligent man. He might look weary by a life of probations but he still was so strong and introspective. He always knew what to do in every situation and all his being and his willpower emanated a strange strength that imposed respect even through his kind manners… He was so different from the silly boys she met… well, Bill and Charlie were not silly like some others but they were both still so different from Remus.

She couldn't quite establish when she had found out she was in love with Remus Lupin, probably she had always known the same way she knew now, without needing him to utter the words, that he loved her. Yes, he had never said he loved her, but she knew he did, she perceived it in his actions, felt it in her skin and it burned in her blood.

She shook her head furiously; the acknowledgement of his feelings towards her only made her feel all the more infuriating. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why wouldn't he just admit his love for her? It would be so much easier for them both.

"You just wait Remus Lupin," said Tonks glaring at the door he had just closed, "you just wait if you can possibly escape me!"

Remus arrived at the hospital soon in the morning, he was there to meet Nymphadora. The Healers had finally allowed her to go home, after several days, and he was supposed to escort her. They were going to join some other members of the Order of the Phoenix who would wait for Harry in King's Cross that day. They needed to assure that the Dursleys would treat him well over the Summer. Nymphadora, who had persisted in be informed of every steps the Order had been taking during her staying in the Hospital, had insisted with Remus in joining him and the others in the meeting. He had agreed, unable to find an excuse that stopped her from going. They had decided he would pick her up, for he secretly not trusted Nymphadora leaving the hospital all alone right after her convalescence.

Remus wasn't sure if she would be alright but he hoped so, though he was afraid of what Nymphadora would be capable of doing once she was completely free of the hospital ties; she had been so flirtatious since that night in the hospital. Although she had never once complained, brave as she was, he knew by her reactions that every time she had moved to use her strength she had felt dizzy and in pain but that hadn't prevented her from flirting with him.

He had managed to escape her attempts until now, visiting her almost always accompanied so that she didn't get a chance to talk about their… issue or advance on him. This hadn't stopped her from flirting with him but at least she had apparently thought it appropriate not to kiss him in front of others. The few times they had been alone together he had managed to engage her in conversations about Sirius, remembering all the good moments they had spent with him; but she had kept trying to steal him kisses, whenever she had gotten a chance, tempting him beyond belief. He had kept his distance trying to be politely aloof but she had always managed a way to close their distance, and he had started to find it pretty hard to resist the temptation she represented. He actually had almost given in a couple of times, she was being extremely persistent and his will was starting to fail him.

He knew he shouldn't have let Nymphadora comfort him, he shouldn't have let her embrace him after Sirius death but he had needed it more than anything in that moment, they both had needed it. Remus also knew he could have avoided visiting her so many times but he couldn't help it. He needed to be with her; he needed to be sure that she was all right.

To tell the truth, no matter how hard he tried he would always give in to her somehow, but the fact was that he had never been so attracted to anyone, so attached, so… well he had never been in love actually. Nymphadora had all the qualities he had ever appreciated, she was unpretentious, altruistic, caring, courageous and intrepid. He felt alive every time she touched him but he couldn't let her loose herself in him. After all, being a Werewolf as he was, would he have the right to claim a normal life with the woman he loved? Did he even deserve love?

Well anyway he kept the decision he had made on that tragic night, he would not give in to his love for her, no matter how difficult it would be. He had been so worried about her unconscious state after the battle, so relieved when she had woken up, so desperate at her suffering for Sirius, so astonished at her utter declaration of love, but nothing had changed. He was still extremely dangerous for her, much older and too poor.

He couldn't stop thinking that it could have been her in Sirius' place. He missed his friend and would have given his life for him, although he had grown accustomed to his absence when he had been taken to Azkaban prison; but if it had been her to disappear through that veil it would have been even more painful in a way. Nymphadora was all the hope he had been left. He didn't have any other reason for living and he would rather die himself than to see her in peril.

"Excuse me, you are here waiting for your girlfriend, aren't you?" a voice intruded his thoughts and he woke up from his reverie.

"What?" asked Remus and he glanced slightly confused at the Healer who had performed the question, "Oh she… she is not my girlfriend, Nymphadora is a friend of mine!" he corrected with a kind smile.

"Oh… you're always here with her, I just thought… I'm sorry!" said the woman apologetically.

"Don't worry about that!" he told her smiling broadly now while he felt a strange twitch in his stomach. That woman had thought that Nymphadora was his girl, maybe it wasn't such an absurd thing after all but… he couldn't do that, he simply couldn't involve her in his miserable life.

He was certain that Nymphadora would have loved to hear the Healer's opinion about their _relationship _though. Well, Remus had to admit that the woman had her reasons to take her own conclusions, after all he had been acting quite different then _just a friend_ to Nymphadora. He was the person who had spent the most time with her; he had been in the Hospital every single day to be more exact, whilst the other members of the Order would only visit her once in a while. Even her parents had been there for less time than him and that was saying something about his feelings.

"Well, I think that she is already waiting for you in her room, you can meet her there if you want to!" finished the Healer and she left to fulfill her tasks.

Remus stood up hastily and strode to the door of her room. He knocked and waited until a soft voice told him to enter. Nymphadora was ready and waiting for him, sitting patiently on the bed. And she was as beautiful as always, with her bright pink coloured hair framing a face of complete innocence, which made him suspect that she was hiding some wicked plan. She was dressed in some of her craziest clothes, some extremely mended jeans and a vivid lilac T-shirt with the words The Weird Sisters written on it. Yet somehow, she still looked absolutely stunning.

That was one of the reasons why he loved her so much; he loved her because she was not common, she was not just any girl… she was his Nymphadora Tonks, the girl who would wear just about anything that made her look colourful and extravagant. She was so different from himself. Nymphadora was so bright, and colourful whilst he was pale, with his brown hair streaked with grey, his long old coat over some trousers and a ragged pullover.

She was smiling candidly at him and only her eyes showed a little sadness due, he was sure, to the fact that she no longer had her cousin _to pester her around_. He knew for sure that she was eager for some action, maybe a good fight with a bunch of Death Eaters or, at least, a good discussion with the Dursleys but she was restraining herself near him and Remus found it quite amusing.

"Hi Nymphadora, I can see you're all right now!" he said with a soft smile, which she returned gladly.

"Yes, I'm completely fine, love!" she answered irreverently and he felt a jolt in his very heart at her warm words. How much he wished to… to talk to her like that… but he couldn't. He had decided not to make any mention about her previous declaration of love and to pretend that nothing had happened, he was getting quite good at that lately, so he gave her a short smile and decided to ignore her words.

"Here, these are for you" he handed her a box of chocolate cauldrons "thought you might like to eat something."

"Thanks Remus, how thoughtful of you, remembering my favourite sweets!" remarked Nymphadora sweetly and he breathed freely, smiling in relief that she was not angry with him for his detachment, though the sound of her voice was still sending shivers up and down his spine.

"Well it's not very difficult really since you don't make secret of your likings." he explained light-hearted. He always liked to tease her, she usually get so angry that she…

"You know, you're absolutely right!" said Nymphadora slowly interrupting his thoughts and she kissed him ever so softly on the lips, catching him by surprise. His heart skipped a bit and he gave a sharp intake of breath, trying very hard not to kiss her back, the gentleness of her lips almost driving him insane. After a short while she withdrew with a large, triumphant smile on her beautiful face.

How had she trapped him like this, he hadn't even seen her getting up. Nymphadora was so unpredictable, he thought still amazed by her daring, or perhaps he was becoming blissfully _oblivious_ to her advances. Anyhow he cleared his voice before speaking, so that she wouldn't perceive how much her kiss had perturbed him. He had the impression, though, that Nymphadora knew quite well what she had done to him with that kiss.

"We have to go, the others are waiting for us!" he said nonchalantly although he was resisting the urge to pull her back, this time for a long and passionate kiss "Are you sure you're feeling okay, because if you need a little more rest I…"

"Please, I'm going to be sick if you keep insisting on me to take a rest!" she retorted still smiling as if he had kissed her back and his worries increased; definitely Nymphadora was not going to give up on him easily and he didn't want to hurt her feelings by rejecting her.

"Alright!" finished Remus smiling slightly. That much was true, she was too bright for a hospital, he knew just how hyperactive this girl was.

"Chocolate?" offered Nymphadora while she savoured one of them with a delighted expression on her face and he shook his head amused with her spontaneous attitude.

"No thanks!" Remus knew how much she loved those sweets and he wouldn't risk his neck for a chocolate, he thought all the more amused "We'd better get going!" he finished and flinched slightly when she softly grabbed his arm.

"What, you would not want to see me trip, would you?" Nymphadora smiled audaciously at him "Perhaps I'm not all that well!" he actually laughed at her boldness, forgetting for a second that they shouldn't be doing this for their own good.

"You're right Nymphadora and, after all, it's my responsibility to take care of you!" Remus knew how much she hated when he said that. That kind of sentences gave the impression that she was defenceless, ecspecially when allied with the use of her given name; but she was so adorably gorgeous when she was angry that he simply couldn't resist it. He had done it back in the morning after Sirius' death in the hospital, for other motives though. He had wanted to kiss her so much in that moment, he had perceived that she had wanted it too and that fact had woken him up to cruel reality. Anyhow he had had to control himself not to kiss her goodbye so he had just kissed her forehead instead.

For a brief moment Nymphadora glared at Remus with that beautiful, furious expression on her face but than she surprised him with a warm smile.

"Maybe I'll let you look after me just this time." she finished and, as much as he had tried to control himself, he couldn't help but to break into a fit of laughter with her.

It was so good being able to have fun with Nymphadora given the circumstances that involved their relationship, thought Remus while he drove a Muggle car to King's Cross. She seemed to be coping very well with what had happened to her cousin but he thought that all her lightness was nothing but her own way of dealing with the loss and the pain it had caused her. Nymphadora kept talking, trying to engage him in her conversation. She was being quite subtle, talking about trivialities but Remus knew she had something on her mind, he knew for sure she hadn't given up on him after his words on the night Sirius had… and he was getting more and more apprehensive about the whole situation. He knew he would break her heart somehow and that was killing him.

They finally arrived at the station; Remus helped her out of the car and they found the others waiting for them. Molly, Arthur, Moody, Fred and George greeted both of them warmly. Remus joined Arthur and Moody's conversation about the outcome of the events that had occurred in the Ministry and in the precautions that were being taken by Cornelius Fudge. Nymphadora and the twins were more interested in the upcoming show of the Weird Sisters in London that was being threatened by the new precautions of the Ministry. Molly was the only one who remained silent while she examined Nymphadora closely as to certify herself that the girl was completely all right.

"I'm just fine Molly, don't worry about my state!" said Nymphadora when she obviously couldn't take the scrutiny any longer "Remus took care of me!" she finished smiling sweetly at him and his mouth went dry. She looked so innocent right then and the need to pull her into his embrace and kiss her was almost unbearable. The increasing noise on the station made him perceive that the Hogwarts' students had started to fill the place and he came down to earth again, becoming suddenly very conscious of Molly's eyes curiously fixed on him and the identical grins spread all over the twins' faces.

"See Moody, the Hogwarts Express arrived just in time, as always!" said Arthur with a chuckle "He was afraid that the Death Eaters would attack the train!" he explained smiling briefly at his other companions and they all laughed while Moody grumbled something about the risks of travelling these days.

"Look there they are!" informed Nymphadora pointing vivaciously at platform 9 and ¾'s. Remus watched the group of friends heading in their direction.

"Ron, Ginny!" Molly hugged the kids enthusiastically. Remus heard Ron talking about something with the twins; about their shop actually and the money they were making but he turned his attention to the son of his friend.

"Hi, Harry!" he greeted when Molly had finally freed him from her tight embrace and turned instead to Hermione. Remus could sense that the boy was sad about Sirius and decided not to mention the name of his friend. Everybody seemed to have taken that same decision because neither of them, not even Moody, made any commentary about Sirius' death. Nymphadora was even smiling broadly and Remus thought that they were both dealing with the situation the same way right then; they needed to comfort Harry, to let him know he would be protected, then later they could grieve alone.

"Hi!" said the boy a little confused "I wasn't expecting… what are you all doing here?

"Well" explained Remus with a large smile, trying to ignore how close Nymphadora had come to him, so close that she was almost touching him. "we thought that maybe it would be better if we have a _little talk_ with your aunt and uncle before we let them take you home."

"I don't know if that is a good idea!" rushed Harry to say.

"Oh I'm sure it is!" grumbled Moody who had come a little closer, limping slightly. "They are the ones over there aren't they, Potter?" Remus felt Nymphadora become immediately alert as the Dursleys approached.

"Ah Harry!" exclaimed Arthur leaving the Grangers with Hermione. "Well… let's go then?" he finished pleasantly.

"Yes, I guess so, Arthur!" agreed Moody in his harsh voice. Remus, Nymphadora and the others followed them to the terrified Dursleys.

The little group of Wizards had meant to give some good advices about the way Harry should be treated from then on but his uncle, seemed very arrogant while talking to Arthur and Moody.

"Anyway, that's not the point" interrupted Nymphadora abruptly for Dursley was now rambling about his rights in his own home. "The thing is that if we find out that you are mistreating Harry…"

"And I assure you, we're going to find out!" added Remus in a pleasant tone of voice. And they all went on with the task of warning the Dursleys until Moody, literally intimidated Harry's uncle. The man was furious but their plan was fulfilled when Alastor showed his blue eye to the terrified Dursley.

Harry's aunt, who seemed to be having a problem with Nymphadora's pink hair judging by the scandalized look on her face, started to whimper while her son tried and failed to pass unnoticed. She was probably afraid of Moody's threat of having some Wizards entering her precious home to certify themselves if Harry was all right. Remus smiled inwardly at the woman's distress, normally he wouldn't like to frighten people but this woman used to mistreat Harry and she was annoying him with the look she was giving Nymphadora. However, Remus thought bitterly that if they were terrified by Alastor's eye and their threats what would they feel if they knew that he was a Werewolf?

As soon as they finished _clarifying_ the whole situation to Harry's uncle they all started to say their goodbyes to the boy.

"Take care of yourself, Harry!" said Remus in a low tone of voice. "Keep in touch!"

He knew that Harry felt grateful for their support and saw him leave feeling a little worried. As much as Remus had tried to sound calm, the fact still remained that he didn't know what was going to happen now, with Voldemort and his Death Eaters on the loose. And, worse than that, the Order of the Phoenix had had to vacate Grymmauld Place temporarily. Sirius had died and they didn't know for sure who would inherit the house because his will hadn't been discovered yet. The Black's traditionally handed Grimmauld Place down the direct line to the next male with the name of Black. But, since Sirius was the very last of the line, the ownership of the house would most likely pass to the eldest of Sirius's living relatives, in other words, Bellatrix Lestrange, the hideous murderer. How life could be ironic sometimes, the one responsible for Sirius's death was now the natural heir of his home.

But what really was leaving the members of the Order of the Phoenix so worried was that they didn't know if the enchantments they had placed upon the house would prevail now that the ownership of it had passed from Sirius's hands. Grimmauld Place might not be unplottable anymore and, in that case, Bellatrix would be able to enter there if she wanted to. But they wouldn't worry Harry with that just yet.

As for Remus he had returned to his own home, not that he was going to use it all that much, anyway. He would spend the most of his time underground with the Werewolves, as he had been doing during the last year.

The group of Wizards watched Harry leaving with his, now more than terrified, relatives. Nymphadora was still laughing at the expressions on the Dursley's faces and he had to laugh with her. Her laughter was contagious, her smiling so beautiful. He barely noticed that Fred, George, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were also laughing hard at the Muggles.

Given the fact that Harry had already gone home they had nothing else to do in the station. Hermione said goodbye and left King's Cross with her parents; the Weasleys returned to the Burrow with their kids; and Moody had some assignment to do for Dumbledore. Remus had been left alone with Nymphadora and suddenly he felt extremely nervous. He knew from the resolute expression on her face that she was going to talk to him now about their relationship, but he had to escape. Remus knew he had to tell her that they couldn't be together, but he was so afraid of hurting her that he preferred to escape as much as possible from that inevitable talk.

"Well, I hope you are fine now because I… I have to…" he couldn't find the courage to leave her there, all alone, but after all he had tasks to fulfil and that was as a great excuse as any other.

"We have to talk, Remus" she interrupted him with a serious expression on her pale face "come with me!" she grabbed his hand still very serious.

"But I have to…" Remus tried desperately to find a way out of this; but he forgot what he had been intending to say for her warm hand on his was blurring his mind.

"No excuses Remus! We need to talk, and we are going to talk!" that was an order and he knew right then he wouldn't be able to escape from the conversation, her determination was more than obvious.

"Alright, but where are you taking me, Nymphadora?" he asked slowly while she started to drag him along the streets until she found a de-apparition point. "You know we can't go to Grimmauld Place because… well you know, because of what had happened to Sirius and…" he trailed off because right then she squeezed his hand gently and they disapparated together before he had ended his sentence.

"This is my place, Remus!" explained Nymphadora smiling brilliantly while she dropped the box of chocolates on a table and he couldn't help but to take a look around. Only now he realized that he had never been to her place in a year or so of friendship. Well she hadn't been to his home either, thankfully because hers, though not obsessively organized, was a nice house, very different from his gloomy cottage.

They were in the living room which was filled with light coming from the opened windows. The room was nice and colourful, just like her.

Remus could sense her perfume in the air; he could see her, breathe her and feel her presence everywhere. He was overwhelmed by all the sensations this place was causing him.

"I like it here!" he said awkwardly when he perceived that she had been staring at him waiting nervously for his reaction. Suddenly he became aware that he was still unconsciously holding her soft hand. He quickly released it, shifting his feet uncomfortably, while gaining a secure distance between them. Remus knew full well that he was trapped and that he couldn't possibly escape any longer from this difficult conversation about their relationship, but he wanted to be sure that she wouldn't close their distance in a kiss. It would be very difficult to resist her if she did so. "It's clearly your creation."

"Thanks but…" Nymphadora took a step forward and he withdrew afraid of not resisting her if she got any closer. "Remus we have to talk about us!"

"No we haven't!" he retorted in panic. Remus knew what he had to do but he wasn't ready to let her down, he would never be; though it had to be done. They had to discuss their situation and he had to put an end to it before it went any further.

"I love you Remus, I fell for you at… I don't know, first sight?" she proceeded anyway "And I'm sure you feel the same way about me, and…

"I don't want to talk about this right now!"

"Then when Remus, when?" she asked sounding deeply frustrated "You can't possibly deny how you feel, you… you gave me a book you would never give to anyone else and… and you want to protect me and take care of me… and… and Merlin you kissed me, remember?

"I… I kissed my dear friend, Nymphadora for whom I was so worried about!" even before he had desperately finished, he knew he was rambling. Nymphadora gave a low chuckle.

"You always kiss your female friends like that? Nice to know about it!" she said sarcastically.

"No, I don't do it and you know it, I'm not volatile." whispered Remus frantically "I like only…" he trailed of abruptly; he had almost confessed how he felt about her.

"You're not totally denying your love for me, that's a start!" she said, her smile wide.

"No, it's not!" he said indulgently, or at least he hoped it sounded indulgent and not desperate. Nymphadora sighed dramatically.

"Yes it is and… look! I know you love me too." she folded her arms defiantly "I know you love me, Remus!" she persisted for he had started to open his mouth, even though he didn't know what to say for she was completely right. "Probably I have discovered it ever since you gave me your book, I think I always knew inside my heart though." Remus fell silent choosing his words wisely. They couldn't possibly be together, it was too much of a risk for her security; but he couldn't deny his love for her either. She was too smart to believe his lie, besides he didn't want to hurt her and, even if he tried, he wouldn't be able to utter that lie. Anyway his eyes would deny his words, so…

"I never said I didn't… but it doesn't matter how much I… we… that doesn't change a thing."

"It changes everything, can't you see?"

"No Nymphadora, on the contrary it's impossible!" this was going to be very difficult, thought Remus worriedly, but he ought to do it, he had to find a way to push her away for good, though it would break his heart irremediably "Look maybe for you this is just a game but for me… it's much more important than that.

"You know this is no game for me!" retorted Nymphadora with a shocked expression on her soft features. Remus chose not to respond to her remark because he knew he had been extremely unfair on his affirmation. He knew she truly loved him.

"I care so much about you Nymphadora, I just don't want you to get hurt! You're so young, smart and eager to fight against Voldemort but, at the same time, you never gave up your youth. You're still reckless enough to live your life like you should, having all the fun you can manage and I highly admire that. I admire everything about you actually, it's just that…"

"Than why, why can't we be together?" she asked impatiently. "I love you, you love me, I don't know what are we waiting for. Just please tell me why Remus!" she had always been an inquisitive girl, she was eager to learn, to know people; she had always asked him many questions and he had answered them all gladly, but this one it was proving very hard to answer.

"You know why!" he finally said, his voice strained in despair.

"No, I don't! Please explain because I'm in loss of a good explanation." Remus sighed miserably but this was the best occasion to put an end on both their impossible, crazy dreams and he was going to take it, he had to really. He needed to stop delaying his decision; he needed to convince her to give up on their love.

"Well we are not fit for each other, to begin with!" he stated nervously.

"What?" she laughed bitterly "How did you work that one out?"

"I'll try to make it clear here, alright?" said Remus firmly "We can't be together because I am much older than you, I'm too poor, and, in case you haven't noticed, a very dangerous Werewolf.

"So what, what do I care if you are a little older than me; I don't care about your Galleons or lack of them; and I thought I had already told you; ever since we first met, I have never been afraid of your condition as a Werewolf, I don't care…"

"You're too young Nymphadora, too beautiful, too smart and all in all too good for me!" he added in an almost inaudible whisper.

"No I'm not I…"

"I don't get it, I've just told you I am an old and poor Werewolf… a Werewolf remember?" continued Remus gloomily "A werewolf that can kill, without regret, any person who comes near him during the full moon!"

"I trust you Remus!" retorted Nymphadora firmly and his heart leapt at her words. It was great to know that she was willing to take the risk, to know that she trusted him but he had to ignore his feelings for her sake. After all she didn't know what she was saying, she was too careless when it came to danger and he had to make her understand the perils she would get herself into if they ever got together.

"Well you shouldn't trust me because…"

"I don't care!" she shrieked fervently and he fell silent completely taken aback "I don't care if you're a Werewolf, I don't care about any of those things you said. I love you, Remus, I think I always did!" she added in a much softer tone of voice.

"You can't love me, can't you see? I don't have anything to give you!" he reasoned sadly.

"Yes you have, you're everything I need. If you could only understand that!" Remus stared at her amazed with her words, lost in a turmoil of emotions, and he found it very difficult to find his voice again.

"I don't know why you like me all that much!" he said finally, still completely awestruck by her confession "I'm just a weary Werewolf"

"You've just answered your own question!" she answered smiling patiently at him "That's exactly why I love you so much, you know? Because you're a _weary Werewolf_!Remus,you have endured what only a few had ever endured but you kept fighting, you're strong and wise and… have I mentioned that I like danger…" in other circumstances he would have laughed at her joke, but this wasn't a situation to play with.

"We are two very different human beings, Nymphadora!" he told her unhappily "You're vivacious, you need sunlight and colours and… I'm just a gloomy man, a creature of the moonlight." she stared at him in utter disbelief.

"What? Remus you are the most interesting man I have ever met. You have all the qualities I always appreciated; you're brave, kind, intelligent, astute…"

"It wouldn't work out, Nymphadora!" he interrupted her softly.

"Look Remus you can try to lie to me but please, stop trying to lie to yourself."she said, her eyes shining dangerously.

"I'm not lying, I'm just…"

"Yes you are!" screamed Nymphadora in absolute anger and she grabbed the front of his robes looking intently at him. He lowered his eyes to her beautiful face in astonishment. "You're denying your love for me."

"I've told you I'm not denying anything, I'm just telling you that…"

"You're telling me that it wouldn't work out between us, but it would! And I know you want to be with me just as much as I want to be with you." she continued as though he hadn't said a thing and he paused before answering to that. Her face was contorted in despair and he felt suddenly mesmerized by her utter beauty.

"Even if I… if we…" he sighed sadly not daring to move for she was still clutching his robes in between her tightened fists. "I cannot even offer you marriage; you know that, do you understand what that means?

"So what, I want you all the same. I want you Remus and I don't care about anything else." He wanted so much to cry out his love for her right then, watching the sincerity in her eyes.

"It's not that I don't want to, Merlin knows how much I… it's just that we can't… I cannot offer you any kind of decent life! If we were to be together I would make you miserable!"

"No, you wouldn't! I would be the happiest…"

"I can't involve you in my life, Nymphadora, please try to understand that!" pleaded Remus.

"But I am already involved!" she protested reasonably.

"You deserve so much better than me, can't you see?"

"There isn't anyone better than you Remus and I… I love you!" she whispered urgently "We love each other… you… you love me!"

"We can't do this, it doesn't matter how I feel about you! I'm just a Werewolf I am not allowed to…"

"I don't care Remus, please!" she persisted trying to hug him but he grabbed her wrists just in time to prevent her dangerous gesture. He didn't know what he would be capable of doing if she touched him like that.

"Don't do this, Nymphadora!" he pushed her away gently and turned his back to her so that she wouldn't see the pain in his eyes.

"I don't care if you're a Werewolf! I don't! I don't!" she finished stomping her feet furiously on the floor and he combed his fingers through his hair, messing it up, in a desperate effort to ignore her appealing words. It took every ounce of control he had not to turn around and kiss her endlessly.

"Stop! Please stop!" said Remus actually turning around, "Can't you see how hard it is for me to just let go?" he continued while he grabbed Nymphadora by her delicate shoulders, shaking her slightly, "It's so difficult to stay away from you!"

"Then don't stay away, just give in, quit denying us what we need, what we deserve!" she asked with hope in her shining eyes.

"Don't tempt me!" pleaded Remus caressing her face tenderly. He pressed his fingers softly to her skin, feeling a shiver run from his fingertips to his bare heart, while still trying to control his impulses.

"I love you and I don't care if you are a Werewolf!" she merely whispered, her eyes closed in the emotion caused by his caress.

"Enough Tonks, I do care!" he said, his voice filled with desolation while he ceased his touch.

"Since when am I Tonks to you?" she asked opening her eyes and looking for the first time annoyed at the use of her surname.

"Since you don't let me be in peace!" answered Remus half-amused at the indignation he could see in her face.

"If you being in peace means we have to be apart then no, I will never let you be in peace."

"Nymphadora…"

"Even Sirius would have approved our relationship, Remus! He told me you were the nicest man I could get!" she said apparently as a last resort and he stared at her wordless. It felt good to know that Sirius had considered him good enough for Nymphadora. Well Remus knew that his friend had had some suspicions about their feelings for one another ever since the beginning; and that he had never opposed to anything, which felt great but… Just thinking about his friend was hurting him but he evoked the best of him. Sirius would be happy if he and Nymphaora got together, he was sure about that… and there was certainly something about this girl that made him feel reckless. She made him feel a Marauder all over again, she made him feel weak and strong, found and lost… Nymphadora had made him feel like he had died and reborn to a new life… but he couldn't, he wouldn't chain her to him. Sirius wouldn't have liked that, no matter what he had said.

"Yes, he also told me a few things about yourself, good things!" Remus added smiling sadly for she was staring at him a little worried, "But…Sirius wanted the best for you and so do I! Listen, I am the worst that can happen to you, you need…" Remus was silenced by the pressing of her warm lips to his.

It was the second time she had kissed him, catching him by surprise, in an hour or so, and for the second time in that day he stilled his movements. Remus didn't push her away but didn't return the kiss either, not even when she threw her arms around his neck. It was being so difficult though, the most difficult thing he had ever had to put up with. He wanted nothing more then to pull her closer, grab her face and kiss her back with all the force of the passion he felt in his heart. He wanted so much to caress her hair, to hold her tight, to just kiss her thoroughly until the end of times.

It was killing him feeling her so close, feeling her lips softly pressed to his and not responding her passion but he had to. If he would kiss her back she would think he had given in to their love. And if he kissed her back, if he dared doing it, he would not be able to be apart from her anymore. It was already being difficult enough to reject her, he didn't need to be haunted by another shared kiss, the previous one was still perturbing him to no end.

After a few moments she pulled apart, clearly unhappy by his lack of reaction and she searched his eyes for some kind of response.

"Why me?" Remus asked her breathlessly, his voice trembling in emotion andhis heart still hammering furiously against his ribs. Buthe avoided her sad eyes feeling tortured by the absence of her touch.

"I have answered this question!" she said, her voice also quivering in emotion.

"You have to stop this madness, I don't want to do you any harm!" he begged weakly "You think I'm not afraid of anything but you're wrong, I'm afraid of loosing you, more than anything in the whole world."

"Than stay with me!" she asked slowly.

"I can't! Please Nymphadora, try to understand I…" Remus gazed intently at the window, "…I do care a lot about you but that's exactly why I can't do this, I don't want to hurt you!"

"It's a little late for that, don't you think Remus?" she said trembling in fury "You're hurting me now, beyond belief, you know?" he closed his eyes briefly at her burning words, how he wanted to sooth her pain, but he couldn't, not without giving in to her.

"You will understand, Nymphadora, right now you're too young and full of life to appreciate the good I'm doing for you but…"

"Good, good?" she shrieked "You're killing me!"

"You know I'm doing this for your own good!

"I just don't know anything anymore so…"

"Well I have to go Tonks, I have work to do!" he tried his best to use a professional tone of voice.

"You're not leaving, not until we work this out!" said Nymphadora grabbing his arm steadily.

"We have nothing more to talk about, Tonks!" He said resolutely "Please stop following me around. And I mean it! This is not going to happen, you and me can't ever be together and that's the end of it."

"But Remus…"

"Nothing's going to happen between us so stop persisting on the issue." Remus tried to say all of that in a hard and harsh voice and his heart shattered in his chest when he saw that her eyes were filled with unshed tears. He had only seen her cry once, and it was over Sirius's death. And the fact that he suddenly understood that she was on the verge of tears because of him… it hurt Remus beyond belief.

He closed his eyes reluctantly so that he didn't have to see her tears falling down her cheeks but that image had been archived in his mind and memory forever. He had fought so hard, he had suffered so much not to hurt her and there she was, grieving to no end. But he would not give in to this love, Nymphadora was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he was not going to loose her by stupidity. He wouldn't loose her friendship in the name of this impossible love and one day she would probably thank him for that.

"Please Remus, I… don't do this, you don't have too, I love you!" she said weakly and he felt like his heart was being ripped into a thousand pieces at her desperate plead for him to reconsider.

"Please, you mean too much for me, too much for I to destroy your life. I just can't do it!" he answered not daring to look at her face.

"But, Remus I…"

"Don't, just don't insist Tonks!" he felt her hand leaving his arm to be placed on his face and he controlled himself not to caress her cheeks and kiss her eternally. Instead of doing that he gathered all his remaining strengths to get away from her.

Remus took her hand gently away from him, avoiding the hurt in her look and he ran his eyes intently all over Nymphadora's face, caressing every little bit of skin there with his look. She had such a sad expression and his hand flew to her face stopping inches apart from her before withdrawing it hesitantly. Nymphadora had closed her eyes waiting for the caress he never gave and he turned his back to her in order to live. Remus walked disgruntled to the door, his shoulders bent in defeat. Once there he looked at Nymphadora one last time, her grieving look almost made him falter; it hurt him so deeply to watch her like this.

"I will not give up on you Remus, I'll prove you wrong! I have _the ability of convincing people of my proposals_, remember?" she finished passionately when he had reached the door. Remus closed his eyes firmly and didn't look back when he was leaving but he knew she was crying because he heard her sobbing.

Once he had closed the door behind him Remus laid his back against it and closed his eyes again. Moody had warned him but he hadn't listen to him and now it was too late. He was far too involved with Nymphadora Tonks. He loved her desperately, so desperately that he felt like dying right then in the blinding pain he was feeling.

Remus could still hear her crying and he pressed his hands to his ears in an attempt to silence her. But he couldn't take Nymphadora's sobbing from his head, her tears, her disappointment; he had broken her heart and he would never forgive himself for that. Remus had never felt so much anger inside, he felt like punching a wall until the pain he had caused them both would fade away. He hated himself for what he had just done to the woman he loved; but he would hate himself even more if he had involved her in his miserable life.

One day she would be fine and would be grateful to him… perhaps one day. Remus knew that this would never happen, she might recover someday but… anyway he was doing the best for her sake, he tried to convince himself through his excruciating pain.

He had to occupy his mind with his task, convincing as much Werewolves as he could manage to choose the right side of the war and to fight alongside Dumbledore and against Voldemort. Maybe if he worked really hard her sobbing would fade away; perhaps in his absence she would find someone better than him; perhaps she would be happier without him, he thought in defeat.

Remus disapparated feeling like the most miserable man in the whole world, a man with no light, the light that only existed within the hearts of those who could love and be loved. The moment he had left Nymphadora crying all alone his light had been lost. He was nothing but a shadow now, a shadow that lived by her radiance. And if he ever surpassed the boundaries of their love he would steal Nymphadora's light. Then, together at last, they would be nothing but shadows in the mist of dawn.

A/N So what do you think about it? I hope everybody enjoyed this chapter, it was angsty, I know, but it must be. After all Remus had to put Nymphadora down somehow. Please Read and Review, that'll make my day and I would thank you forever:)!

Oh, the dialogue in the scene on the station isn't the same as in J. K. Rowling's book but I only have the Portuguese version of "The Order of the Phoenix" :( so I had to translate it by myself. Therefore it might be quite different from the original. Sorry about that!

Once again I want to thank to all my readers especially the reviewers ;) You are the best of the best!

I want to give a special thanks to Ginny (Blackolives), it's really quite flattering that you have put this story on your favourites list and on your alert list. You are right I read your Author's page; it must be great sharing the name with such a nice character as Ginny Weasley :). Oh, by the way I reviewed your story "Surprise, its Prince Charming" and it was quite enjoyable, one of my favourites actually. Well thank you so much for your support and keep reading, please .

Another special thanks to Kellie (LoonyLoopyKellie) it's so nice to know that you keep reading and enjoying this story! Your words are so gratifying and encouraging. Please keep reading my story, I'm really looking forward to your glowing reviews :).

One more special thanks to bluekiwibubble for your ever so flattering reviews, they had really brightened my day :). Thank you also very much for adding my story to your favourite stories list and for taking the time to read and review my other story. I just love your stories too and you are in my Author alert list. This way I always know when you post new works ;). Anyway you have no idea how grateful I am to you, please keep reading and telling me what you think :).

I also want to thank fork-tofu-pingpong-fish (I'm so glad you're enjoying my story, I truly appreciate your opinion ;)); Cristy (thank you so much for your review, it is amazingly flattering ); and Wren (yours was such a wonderful review, I'm so happy that you're enjoying my story all that much; thank you ever so much :)) to all of you thank you once again for your flattering reviews, you have really made my day, please keep reading and telling me what you think ;).

Thanks also to cris.carla (for your wonderful review, I'm glad you also like my other stories and thanks once again for putting this one in your favourite stories and myself in you favourite Authors. I just love your story too, it's on my favourites ); to Zippy-Wings and Sirvy-cat for putting this story on your favourite stories list; to alohomora24 for putting it on your story alert list; to French Soap for adding it to your favourite stories list and to your story alert list; and Katyna Black-Nick Novo for putting me in your Author Alert list; Keep reading and please, please leave me a review. I would be ever so grateful to all of you ;).

Finally a very, very, very special thank you to Courtney (Kara, also known as princessdza) for giving me so much support and for editing this story. You're definitely doing a great job and I'll Thank You Forever :)! Besides your reviews are ever so flattering and you have been supporting this story ever since the beginning, that means a lot to me :). And you also like my other story in English ;). Sometimes you even make me believe I could try my luck in an original work. So thank you so much for your glowing support and for, once again, having the patience to fix my clumsy grammar. To all of my readers who haven't read her works let me tell you that Courtney is an awesome Author and you should really read her story "Before It Began". I'm sure you would love it :).

Anyway it's really nice to know you're all enjoying this story. And it's quite flattering when you tell me that my characters are true to J.K.Rowling's, I try my best and it's great to know that I'm doing a good job, thank you all so much for that ;). Once again I want to give a big thanks to all of you for your support and please keep reading my story and leaving your comments. I'll update as soon as possible.


	5. A Rainbow Fading In The Dusk

Disclaimer: Unfortunately the characters still don't belong to me; they are property of J. K. Rowling :). I have only borrowed them to create this unpretentious plot ;).

Summary:

Remus put a barrier between Tonks and himself and now she is enduring her pain alone so she decides to talk to Molly. But what if, instead of Mrs. Weasley, she meets someone else at the Burrow? The first part of this chapter is, once again, from Tonks' POV and the second from Remus'. Please read and enjoy ;).

A Bit Of His Past

By: She-Elfgirl

Chapter V

A Rainbow Fading in the Dusk

Tonks woke up that morning feeling as miserable as she always felt lately. She had only seen Remus twice at the Burrow after their talk in her house almost two weeks ago and he had barely spoken to her. Tonks sighed unhappily and left her bed heading to the bathroom to look at her own image in the mirror. The strange girl that was staring at her from the glass did not surprise her. She was thinner and looked older than she was, after all she wasn't eating nor sleeping well these days. But the worst of all was her hair… it was still mousy brown.

"Look at my hair!" murmured Tonks to herself grabbing a lock and studying it. She then squinted her eyes using all her mental strength to change the colour of her hair, but nothing happened, not even a little shade appeared. "It's so dull, what can I do to change it?" she finished her voice trembling and she felt renewed tears prickle in her eyes.

It had happened in the morning right after their discussion, Tonks had woken up with her boring colour of hair; she had tried desperately to change its colour ever since but it was useless. And it wasn't only her hair; at first she had started to have difficulties in changing her features but now she was really incapable of metamorphosing herself. She still had most of her powers but she could no longer change her appearance.

Why was this happening to her of all people, she had never failed a metamorphism before and, as clumsy as she was with anything else, she had always been quite good at magic? The only explanation she could come up with is that it was her disappointment and grieving in not being able to have Remus.

Tonks sat back on her bed and hugged her knees crying silently. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore, in less than a month she had lost her cousin, the man she loved, her most precious powers and consequently a good part of her self-confidence. This wasn't fair, she hadn't done anything wrong, she wasn't a bad person; and she had done everything to convince Remus to be with her, she… she… Tonks had never felt so sad, so disgruntled, so… defeated. She started sobbing clutching her knees in a fierce attempt to ease the pain. She loved him so much and his words had caused her to feel worse than she had ever felt in her life.

Tonks looked at her closed window, the air was misty outside because of the Dementor activity. When Voldemort had gotten back to his full strength assuming his return he had unleashed the Dementors and they were everywhere disseminating despair and unhappiness. Tonks remained there feeling the tears running freely down her cheeks for a long while. She had been crying a lot lately and she had never been one to cry. It had been like this ever since their argument. She had cried so much when he had left that day, so much. She knew he loved her and would never make her suffer deliberately. She also knew that he thought this was the best for her but she had never felt such excruciating pain. With all his protection Remus was making her suffer more than anyone had ever done.

Tonks was aware that she had been bold when she had told him exactly how she felt; when she had forced him to see the truth; when she had tried to make him decide for a relationship… when she had kissed him. But she wouldn't regret it. Remus was the man she loved and she needed him by her side. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why wouldn't he just give in? Why in the world did he have to keep insisting in all of that nonsense… all of those reasons that he considered convincing for not being with her?

Tonks had felt so much angst back then and she had screamed at him of course, she thought unashamed. She had earned that right, hadn't she? After all she had never felt so frustrated in her life than when Remus had told her that they couldn't be together. When he had left she barely remembered having tumbled to the sofa, covering her face with her trembling hands and crying all her bitter tears. She had felt so bad; she had suffered so much; she had felt so… lost and cold and hopeless.

Tonks started to sob uncontrollably, she felt so lonely. She couldn't help but wonder where he might be and in what conditions, she hadn't heard news from him for several days. After the day of their discussion Remus had found an easy way out in his work. She knew he had been amongst the Werewolves again. Moody had informed her because Remus had left without even saying goodbye.

She was so worried about him, about his safety. If Greyback discovered what he was trying to do, spying among Werewolves to turn them against him, he would be furious. Tonks knew that Remus was so much a better wizard than that hideous Fenrir Greyback, but he was a treacherous Death Eater and the other Werewolves were still by his side… She couldn't help but worry about what could happen to her love if the Werewolves decided against him.

She wanted so much to be there by his side fighting against Greyback. But Remus had decided to push her away from his life and it seemed there would be no turning back. He had been so cold and distant the last times they had talked to each other and it had broken her heart into a million tiny pieces. Tonks had actually started to question herself about many things. Why would Remus want to be with her, even if he loved her? She was all fingers and thumbs and only caused chaos around her, she thought miserably; she couldn't even metamorphose herself anymore, she was completely useless.

Tonks shook her head vehemently. She had always been self-assured, she had always faced her problems bravely and that wasn't about to change just because the man she loved wasn't able to understand that they were meant for each other. She was trying to convince herself but she was still sobbing miserably. It wasn't a very easy thing to do, being confident without having a hint of hope.

And the worst of all was that she knew he loved her as much as she loved him. It would be so much easier if she knew he didn't love her, at least he would have a real reason for letting her down and the grief would be easier to bear; but this way… Yes he was older than her but that was one of the things that had captivated her the most ever since the beginning; He wasn't rich but she didn't care about it, never did; and what about if he was a Werewolf?

Of course she knew he only wanted to protect her but this was so unfair for them both, why wouldn't he perceive that? Besides she didn't need his protection, Tonks thought proudly. She was a good Auror, capable of defending herself and he knew it, he had chosen her for a member of the Order of the Phoenix. Furthermore he would always find a place to hide during the full moon, there was no risk and there was still Wolfsbane. And, most importantly, she trusted him and she honestly didn't care about his condition, Werewolf or not he was still Remus Lupin, the kindest and most gentle man she had ever met.

As valid as his reasons were for himself she didn't agree with them and never would. Why was he putting so much effort in keeping her away from his emotional life? Why was he so alone? He didn't deserve that; he didn't need to do that. She then remembered when she had done her first important task for the Order of the Phoenix, to escort Harry from the Dursleys to the Headquarters. That day Molly had said some things that had made her attachment to Remus grow even stronger.

Flashback 

Tonks was stealing glances towards Remus. He was giving instructions to Hestia Jones and Dedalus Diggle about their mission that night. She couldn't help but notice how incredibly handsome he was and how his serious expression made him look even more attractive then usually. He was still very young although he appeared to be ill and tired given to his constant transformations into a Werewolf. His greyinghair, his old and tattered clothing, everything about him remembered her of how brave he was for enduring so many adversities. And she felt incredibly attracted to him, and not only attracted, she cared about him, a lot more than just a friend would do, she thought with a half-smile.

She had liked him instantly, of course, he was a nice man, kind, handsome and he helped her joining the Order of the Phoenix; and she felt totally fascinated by the fact that he had been a member of the Order for so long… she sighed softly. Tonks knew she had been quite obvious in her attraction to him on their first meeting but the fact was that she was too frank, she liked him and wanted him to know about that. But she also wanted to make a good impression of herself so she had decided to withdraw a bit more so as not to sound too involved; after all he wasn't any foolish boy and he might not be receptive to her.

That same night they would be setting Harry free from the Muggle house of his relatives. This was her first really important mission to the Order of the Phoenix, rescuing Harry Potter from the Dursleys' home and she was very eager to prove herself. Besides Remus was a friend of Harry and was so worried about him, which made her feel even more anxious to help the boy. And moreover, this way she would get to know Harry Potter sooner.

_Poor boy_, she thought sadly; Harry had been locked up with his aunt and uncle for several days after fighting some Dementors and receiving a letter from the Ministry that put him at risk of being expelled from school. And he of all people who, she had grown up believing, was the kid who had saved them all from Voldemort.

Harry must had been very frustrated, ecspecially because none of his friends had been allowed to give him any explanation about what had been happening in the Wizarding world in the past days. She would be too if it had happened to her.

Her thoughts returned quickly to Remus. As soon as they had resolved that they were going to pick Harry, Remus decided to go in the mission, because he knew the boy quite well, and started to organize everything. Tonks was the first to offer to accompany him but she barely had time to say she wanted to go because he had already chosen her for the task, giving her the opportunity that she needed to really affirm herself inside the Order of the Phoenix. Tonks had quite appreciated his gesture, though it was a professional one of course. She knew he wouldn't have chosen her if he didn't honestly believe in her qualities, and she had been very proud of herself especially because he was a member of the Old Crowd and therefore much more experienced than her in the fight against Voldemort.

They were now at GrimmauldPlace waiting to leave while they arranged the last details. Nothing could go wrong and they had to certify themselves that they would not be intercepted or followed by Death Eaters.

"I'm so worried about Harry!" Tonks jumped slightly when a voice spoke up from by her side. She had been admiring Remus so intently that she hadn't heard the steps approaching. She looked in confusion at Molly and watched as the woman's eyes travelled from her face to Remus with a brief smile of understanding "He is very handsome, isn't he?" asked Molly after a brief pause as if distracted but she was examining Tonks closely and she knew that her friend was truly interested in the subject. "Remus that is."

"Very!" answered Tonks as lightly as she could manage. She had never been shy but the beats of her heart increased suddenly at her own admission. She couldn't show insecurity or Molly would suspect her even more, so she gathered all her courage and continued with a soft smile "And not only is he handsome, he is also a great person."

"… And the best of it is that he is available!" continued Molly tentatively looking sideways at Tonks and her heart skipped a beat in anticipation "And if you want to know my opinion a girlfriend would do him very good."

"Do you think he's got someone in mind?" asked Tonks calmly after a studied pause; but she was biting her lower lip worriedly and Molly smiled knowingly.

"He's a loner, you know?" she said laughing brightly at the nervous expression on Tonks' face when she did not answer her question directly. "But he shouldn't be, he is such a good man, good-looking, charming… don't you think dear?"

"Absolutely!" answered Tonks a little breathless "I always said that." She finished watching Remus tenderly; he was now talking to Moody, a determined yet soft expression on his handsome features. She was feeling somehow relieved because Molly hadn't mentioned Remus having any love interest towards any other woman.

"He has been alone for so long now and I really think he needs a girlfriend but not just any girl…" continued Molly fiddling with the sleeves of her robes all the while looking at Remus. She furrowed her eyebrows worriedly and then watched Tonks again with a soft smile, "He really needs someone to take care of him, to love him no matter how many problems he has due to being a Werewolf. What he truly needs is a nice, brave, young lady to bring joy to his life… You aren't interested, are you dear?" asked Molly suddenly, an anxious tone in her voice.

"Wwell…" mumbled Tonks and she paused uncertain of how to respond to that unexpected question without compromising herself too much.

"So are you interested or not?" persisted Molly, her obvious curiosity softened by an amused smile.

"Which girl wouldn't be?" answered Tonks evenly but she couldn't avoid a brief sigh. In lack of a subterfuge she had decided to tell the truth and she was still half-dreaming about Remus when Molly interrupted her thoughts abruptly.

"Then what are you waiting for?" she asked happily.

"Oh, Molly, do you really think that he would look at me?" asked Tonks, her heartbeat accelerated in hope. Molly stared at her thoughtfully for a brief while.

"Well to tell you the truth I think that he… 

"Time to go!" said Remus loudly, interrupting their conversation while approaching them hurriedly.

"Yes, yes, you go then…" agreed Molly ushering Tonks for she was still waiting for her answer. "I'm so worried about Harry, poor, poor boy."

"But Molly…" started Tonks anxiously but Mrs. Weasley didn't listen to her for she was already leaving the room.

"You all have fun without me!" said Sirius begrudgingly. He was clearly upset that he had to stay behind "And bring Harry back to me in one piece!"

"I still think I could go!" said Ron to Lupin who smiled warmly at the young Weasley.

"You know you can't go, only the members of the Order can!" he told him half-amusedly.

"I wish we could go with you." said Hermione gazing worriedly at Tonks "Take care of Harry for me, all right?"

"Ha… yes!" she answered distractedly.

"I'm sure you're going to like him, Harry is very nice." added Ginny knowingly.

"We must go right now!" informed Moody harshly "There is no time to waste."

Tonks left Grimmauld Place with the others but she was only thinking about what Molly would have to say; she had been interrupted and didn't have the chance to finish her precious sentence, leaving her curious and very anxious. Molly had apparently forgotten their issue in the light of what was happening but Tonks hadn't. Could Remus possibly be… interested in her? Why did he have to interrupt Molly right when she was going to talk about his feelings? She thought with frustration but feeling hopeful all the same.

Tonks walked by Remus' side while they were searching for a de-apparating point and she was giving him covert glances. He hadn't shown any emotional interest in her yet, but he was ever so nice, more than nice actually, he was warm and kind and made her feel useful and appreciated. Yet she felt a little insecure around him, he was so much more intelligent than herself, so much more powerful and experienced.

Tonks was anxious to ask him some questions now. She used to ask him all about himself but tried not to sound very eager, she didn't want him to feel awkward around her. Right then she really wanted to know if he liked somebody and, most importantly, if he could possibly like her. When she was about to ask him something to break the silence she understood that they had arrived to the de-apparating place and kept her mouth closed.

The first thing she noticed when they apparated to number 4 Private Drive was that it was dark and silent inside the house. Tonks took a step forward but Remus closed his hand around her wrist to stop her from making any noise before he could certify for himself that the house was empty. Any other person and she would have protested vehemently but this was Remus Lupin and when he touched her she felt a jolt of electricity run through her arm from the wrist where his hand still lingered. She had never felt this way; only he made her feel like this, ever since their first touch in the Ministry at the beginning of summer.

She looked up at him earnestly, forgotten about the indignation of having been stopped. Just then he looked back at her and freed her nonchalantly but she believed to recognize a hint of embarrassment or something close to that in his soft eyes.

"They are not here!" assured Tonks after clearing her throat discretely as she opened a cupboard a little interested. "The Dursleys received my letter so they must be very far away now and… oops!" with a crackling noise a dish shattered on the floor of the kitchen because she had hit it in her frenetic gestures. "Oh, sorry!" she asked looking apologetically at Remus but he smiled warmly at her and she felt relieved. Only Moody appeared to be upset with her, nobody else seemed to have given much importance since they were all used to her clumsiness.

"Nevermind the dish!" said Remus still smiling openly at her "I'll fix it for you!" with a simple gesture of his wand the dish was in one piece again and Tonks laughed feeling all of a sudden very well. He was so warm, patient and gentle with her; she had never met anyone like him… and she had never been so caught-up by anyone before, she told herself with an inward smile.

Everybody was talking out loud now about the Dursleys' house but Remus started immediately searching for Harry.

"You know, I don't like these Muggles… these Dursleys, but Muggles are not all like this." said Tonks grabbing Remus' arm to call his attention and relishing in the sensations that that simple gesture had brought to her. "You know, although my mother is a pure-blooded Witch my father is a Muggle-born, and my Muggle Grandparents were cool."

"You don't have to apologize over Muggles, I'm halfblooded too." said Remus enthusiastically, understanding exactly what she had meant.

"Really?"

"Well most of us are actually, aren't we? And there's the good and the bad amongst Muggles just as amongst Wizards." Tonks smiled relieved and happy because she knew another thing about this charming man. The more she knew about him the more she liked him; it was inevitable.

Remus and Tonks kept walking through the house searching for Harry with the others behind them until they passed the hall and started up the stairs.

"He must be in one of this rooms." said Remus and only then Tonks realized she was still holding his arm and released him in order to let him use his wand. With a serious expression that didn't let her know if he had taken notice of her rushed gesture, Remus tried the doors at the top of the stairs. "Look this one seems to be locked; probably it's Harry's room and he must be in there." He supposed looking briefly at Tonks.

"Don't tell me that they have left him locked in his room!" she said absolutely scandalized. That would be an inhumanity she couldn't even begin to imagine.

"Well I guess they actually did." answered Remus gloomily as he unlocked the said door with is wand. Tonks couldn't help but admire his attitude he was, as always, extremely calm and unperturbed. It was unnerving how he could be so under-controlled even in a stressful situation.

As the door opened slowly they all waited in silence, Tonks was really expectant to see Harry Potter for the first time. She had heard so much about him, the boy who had saved the world so many years ago; and Remus seemed to really have him in high regard.

Suddenly a shadow appeared at the top of the stairs and a boy, certainly Harry himself, showed at the frame with his wand at the ready. Auror reflexes, thought Tonks somehow amused, the boy would be a great Auror and very useful to the Order of the Phoenix in the future, she was sure about it. She wanted to see how he was like but the hall was gloomy and she and all the others who haven't met him, or barely have talked to him stared fixed at Harry's obscured features.

"Low your wand, boy, before you take someone's eye out!" said Moody in his hoarse voice. Harry seemed to show some acknowledgement but he didn't low his wand nevertheless and Tonks would have really found it a little amusing if the boy had hit Mad-Eye with a nice 'rictusempra spell'. Moody was actually in need of a good laugh, besides maybe that way he would be a little less paranoid.

"Professor Moody?" asked Harry seeming unsure and a little shift from Remus told Tonks that this was in fact the boy; The Boy who lived.

"I don't know if you can call me professor" howled Moody "I didn't have get the chance to teach a lot, did I? Now come down here we want to see you properly. Harry lowered his wand slowly but didn't move from his spot.

Tonks knew from Remus that Moody was supposed to have taught Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. But he had been attacked by Barty Crouch Jr who had stole his place, using Polyjuice Potion, and had tried to kill Harry; so it was quite natural that the boy was suspicious of Moody. Not mentioning that nothing in her colleague inspired trust, always with all those suspicions and obsessions, he seemed to be crazy. Deep inside he was a good person but…

"It's all right, Harry. We are here to take you with us." said Remus with his quiet voice a little hoarse and she felt a nice shiver running through her. The change in Harry's attitude was obvious.

"Pprofessor Lupin?" he asked incredulously as he obviously recognized Remus' voice "Is that you?" Tonks felt so proud of Remus right then, he had the respect and belief of no other than Harry Potter. But the boy should really like him and follow him; Remus was a natural leader and mentor though he wouldn't ever believe that he could be that important to people around him.

"Why are we all here in the dark?" asked Tonks for she was getting impatient to see Harry's face. He didn't move nor did he show any particular sign at her voice because he obviously didn't know her. "Lumos" she declared. The tip of her wand illuminated the hall with a magical light. Then she turned her attention to Harry. He was there, on the top of the stairs looking at them, blinking because of the sudden light.

The Members of the Order were all joined together on the stairs observing the boy intently and Tonks was one of the most interested of course. She was only a little girl when the Potters had died so she had grown up hearing about this boy. They haven't met at school so she knew nothing about him apart from what she had heard from Remus, Molly and his friends; or what she had read about him in the newspapers, nothing flattering in the last weeks to tell the truth. And now there he was, black hair, green eyes, thin, not very tall… so this was the famous Harry Potter? Ginny was right he seemed to be nice, she decided immediately.

Some of them, like Dedalus and Hestia, were so curious that they looked as if about to jump to get a better sight of Harry. Poor boy, thought Tonks impatiently over the behaviour of her colleagues; although she also felt much curiosity. Remus was the one who was closer to Harry and Tonks was almost side-by-side to him so she could see his handsome profile; he was smiling openly at Harry who, although visibly shocked, was trying to return the smile.

"Oooh, he is exactly how I have imagined!" she said enthusiastically without being able to restrain herself anymore "Hi, Harry!"

Some people started to make comments about Harry's resemblances to his parents to Remus while Moody stole the boy suspicious looks, the paranoid kind.

"Are you sure it's him, Lupin?" he grumbled at last "It would be wonderful lookout if we took a Death Eater with us feigning it was him. We should ask him something that only the true Potter could respond. Unless someone had brought Veritaserum." Tonks felt the urge to laugh at her colleague's statement. Veritaserum honestly, of course this boy was Harry Potter, if Remus said he was than he was; his word was more than enough for her.

"Harry, which form does your Patronus assume?" asked Remus patiently.

"A stag." answered the boy nervously.

"It's him Mad-Eye!" confirmed Remus lightly. Tonks knew that Remus had taught Harry how to do a Patronus, Sirius had told her, and she was so proud of him for his great doing. It wasn't an easy thing to do, teaching a 13-year-old school boy how to perform a good Patronus. And Harry must be, in fact, a great Wizard for he could really do it perfectly, or so she had heard. At least Hermione and Ginny talked about his deeds in awe, and they must know what they were talking about being, as they were, his friends and had experienced having adventures with him.

Harry finally descended the stairs putting the wand in the pocket of his jeans and had to hear Moody's idiotic recommendations about the Elementary Rules of Security in Wands and something about not putting the wand in the back pocket of trousers. Tonks rolled her eyes but of course Moody had to see her with that creepy eye of his and protested loudly. Not that she actually cared; all that she was really interested in was that Remus seemed to have found her gesture quite amusing for he was smiling knowingly at her. Then he turned to Harry, stretched out his hand and greeted him.

"How are you?" he asked observing the boy closely and Tonks stared at them very interested now.

"Wwell… Harry looked around at the group of curious people that were watching him avidly "I… you are very lucky because the Dursleys left some time ago…" mumbled Harry.

"Lucky, eh!" exclaimed Tonks amusedly "I attracted them away from here. I sent a letter by the Muggles' mail communicating them that they had been selected to the "Best Treated Suburban Garden of all England Nomination" she finished proudly and was rewarded by another friendly smile coming from Remus.

Harry showed interest in leaving the house as quickly as he possibly could. Remus explained to him that they had to wait but they would leave as soon as the sign to advance was unleashed. He took Harry to the kitchen while he explained to him that they couldn't go to the Burrow; and Tonks and the other curious members followed them. In the kitchen Remus decided to finally introduce the Members of the Order of the Phoenix to Harry; first Moody who Harry was supposed to know better, or should have anyway.

"And this is Nymphadora…"

"Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus!" she protested with a shiver. Though her heart had leapt while perceiving that she had been introduced directly in second place, as if she was someone really important in the Order of the Phoenix or, even better… important to Remus? Despite her protest, deep, deep inside Tonks had liked listening to her given name said by him. She probably wouldn't ever confess to anyone but herself, but she quite enjoyed the sound of her name on his lips, it almost sounded gorgeous "My name is Tonks!" she finished firmly ignoring her thoughts.

"Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be called by her surname." persisted Remus jokingly.

"You would prefer it too if your silly mother had called you Nymphadora." complained Tonks feeling amused and annoyed at the same time.

Ignoring her last statement Remus introduced all the others and Harry kept nodding his head in a greeting. The poor boy seemed to be feeling the centre of all attentions on stage and that seemed to be disturbing him a lot.

After Remus and Moody had explained parts of the plan to Harry, Tonks started a dissertation about the cleanness of the house and Muggles overall and Remus smiled indulgently at her making her heart skip a beat, or several, she wasn't sure about it. As Harry started to ask some questions about what had happened and about Voldemort Moody cut him off while the expected chaos occurred amongst those who feared that name. At least Moody was right on one thing he said, it wasn't good to talk about those things in a Muggle house; it was dangerous.

Remus asked Harry to pack and Tonks offered immediately to help him in her vivacious manner. She was the youngest and, therefore, the nearest to Harry's age. She thought that, right then, he needed that, someone like her to whom he could more easily relate. And as much as she liked Remus' company she was there on service for the Order of the Phoenix and she wanted to prove herself worthy. She didn't want him to regret having chosen her for the group and for the task itself; she wanted him to be proud of her. Besides this way she would have the opportunity to get to know Harry Potter better.

She felt more than saw Remus' soft, amused smile and she laughed at him before following Harry through the hall and up the stairs. She surveyed everything with much curiosity and interest, making comments on Petunia Dursley's exaggerated neatness and on Harry's, more normally dishevelled, bedroom. Harry started immediately to throw books and clothes into his trunk but Tonks stopped in front of the mirror on the wardrobe and judged her image critically. That day she had decided to have her short spiky hair coloured in a strong violet tone. But now that she was thinking about it, she didn't like it all that much.

"You know, I think that violet is definitely not my colour!" she thoughtfully examined a strand of hair "Don't you think that it makes me a look a little ill?" Harry growled something but she was too concentrated in what Remus thought about her hair to notice what he had said. "Yes it does!" she decided and after she had concentrated her hair became the exact shade of bubblegum pink she had been thinking about.

It was much better now and she thought amused in what would Remus think when he saw her again, while admiring her new look in the mirror. Harry showed much curiosity about her changing and she explained him what were Metamorphmagus while he stared at her perplexedly. He seemed very impressed by the fact that she was an Auror and she was even more proud for being one, relishing the fact that The Boy Who Lived was actually admiring her capabilities.

"I bet that sometimes you would like to hide that scar, wouldn't you?" she said staring at it. She supposed that all his interest in Metamorphosis had something to do with that.

"I would, er, yes I would!" he agreed thoughtfully and Tonks felt sad about him. He deserved to have had a good life amongst the other Wizards but instead Harry had lived a miserable life in a Muggle house where he was not welcome. He was like Remus in a way; they both have endured too much suffering in their lives.

Harry's questions had managed to distract her a little bit but she couldn't stop thinking about Remus and Molly's words about him. It would be so wonderful if he felt as attached to her as she felt to him. Tonks had perceived he liked her ever since the beginning, just like her actually, but it could merely be concern and friendship. However she felt absurdly attracted to him and wanted to believe that he felt the same for her, as illogical as it would be. After all why would a man like Remus be interested in such a silly girl like herself?

Suddenly she remembered about the luggage and what Remus would think of her if they got delayed. With a feeling of guilt she helped Harry with her wand. The poor boy was packing everything with his bare hands because he was not allowed to use magic at home and moreover after being already warned; with the problems he already had with the Ministry he didn't need more.

Tonks arranged the luggage awkwardly apologizing for her clumsiness in domestic spells. After certifying themselves that nothing was missing, not even Harry's precious Firebolt, they returned to the kitchen where Remus was sealing a letter to the Dursleys. He smiled at Harry's protests concerning the lack of necessity of leaving that letter and about having to return the upcoming summer. When Remus' eyes met her, Tonks saw a brief, covert smile on his lips at her new look. But that was it; he showed no other sign of acknowledgment. But she changed looks so many times that it was difficult for anyone to show surprise, hence why nobody had made comments.

Finally Moody called Harry and camouflaged him; she found it a great idea, even coming from Mad-Eye. Moody explained the plan to Harry, trying to terrorize him with his paranoid theories that someone might be killed during the mission. And Tonks protested while she was tying Harry's luggage and the birdcage of his owl to her own broom. Moody ignored her but at least Kingsley contradicted him, he had much more sense of things in her opinion. She was still waiting for Remus' support though, but he was too worried with the mission to pay much attention to the conversation. It was him who warned them all about the signs being unleashed. Tonks looked up to see the red sparkles in the starry sky of the night; it was time to leave.

They all flew in line to Grimmauld Place without further problems, apart from the ones caused by Moody's suspicions. Once on the ground Remus helped Tonks carry Harry's luggage and she felt grateful, ecspecially because she had got a chance to touch his hands purposefully when she said it wasn't necessary. Of course he helped her anyway and she was quite enjoying being able to touch him _harmlessly_.

She had finally met Harry Potter, she had proved herself worthy of the Order of the Phoenix, Professor Dumbledore was awaiting her, Remus and the others for a meeting in the ancient house of the very relatives who had despised her mother and renounced her parentage; but the only thing she could think of was that Remus Lupin had been, was now and would be with her for a long time.

End of Flashback

The noise outside the window shook her to reality, though miserable she felt, Tonks still had to work. And she had worked a lot lately as an escape of her unhappiness; but somehow she couldn't find the strength to leave her bed just yet. Tonks had never been a morning person but Remus had been the reason for her to leave her home happily every morning ever since they met.

He had always made her feel special, she thought recalling that day at Privet Drive, even now that he had rejected her she still felt special. Tonks knew he was grieving without her, yet he was worried with her safety only, more than he was worried with his own life and his happiness… and hers also even if not intentionally.

But why, why did he think she was safer away from him, everybody was in danger those days. And what if he was a Werewolf, she trusted him and besides HE had invited her to become a member of the Order of the Phoenix how could he not trust her capacities. But then again presently she was not even able to change the colour of her hair never mind doing a good defensive spell.

As hard as she tried she wasn't able to change anything in her looks anymore and that was so depressing. Besides she was risking her job if she kept failing her transformations.

Tonks gathered all her remaining courage and got ready for work all the while still thinking about that day in Private Drive. Remus had been so nice with her, as always actually, although he had never lost that annoyingly beloved habit of calling her by her given name. In fact she had grown so accustomed at him calling her Nymphadora, it felt so personal, so special that she had felt pretty annoyed with him when he hadn't used it during their row days before.

Molly was right; he needed a girlfriend. And not only a girlfriend, Remus needed someone to take care of him, to love him as much as he deserved. And she wanted to take care of him, always wanted, even before she realized how much she loved him, she thought tearfully. And, although she would always complain about that, she really wanted him to take care of her.

Tonks left for work without any other delay. She knew she had to eat but she wasn't hungry. She was feeling very down and just thinking about food was enough to make her ill.

She had to find a way to put an end to his stubbornness. Tonks knew Remus wouldn't give in any sooner, yet she wouldn't give up on him either. He sure was decided and a fighter but she was too, and was not going to give up on him, never. She needed some advice, though.

Tonks wasn't sure to what would be her mother's reaction; she was afraid that her mother would think like Remus, and she would rather not have that problem right now. Molly, on the contrary, had said something back then. She had told her that he needed a girlfriend and she had made some insinuations about Tonks and Remus when she had caught her observing him with admiration.

Molly would be a good listener, she was sure. They hadn't talk about it since then, Tonks hadn't wanted to persist in the issue any longer. She had been uncertain and rather doing things her own way; but now it was all or nothing.

That was it; she was going to talk to Molly. Yes, she was going to have a conversation with her… as soon as she got a chance, decided Tonks feeling slightly better when she spun on the spot and disaparated.

Remus apparated in the back yard of the Burrow late in the afternoon. He had been invited for dinner and he was already late. He thought he had been making progress with some Werewolves but it came out that they were just interested in why he was so _civilized_, which was a dangerous issue to discuss with them. Finally he had achieved to delude their suspicions about him and had been able to leave. Molly must have been very worried about him by now.

To tell the truth she seemed to be worrying about him more than usual lately, probably due to what had happened to Sirius and his more than constant trips underground with the other Werewolves. He had been working very hard in the last days, he wanted nothing more than to erase the pain, to forget Nymphadora's hurt expression at his painful words, her tears, her sobbing. Their discussion had occurred almost two weeks ago but it killed him every time he recalled that day.

Remus approached the door of the kitchen and knocked three times sensing movement inside the house right after.

"Who's there?" asked a voice just a few seconds later "Declare yourself!"

"Remus Lupin!" he said tiredly.

"Who… oh that dangerous Werewolf, I'm not opening just so you know!" answered the amused voice.

"Bill, ask me the question already… I'm in no mood for this kind of jokes" said Remus trying to sound amused but his harsh voice betrayed his state of mind. In other circumstances he would have laughed, but these days he didn't find any reason to smile; not when the woman he loved was so depressed because of him, not when he was causing her to suffer.

"Oh, someone's very bad-tempered today!" answered Bill with a light chuckle and Remus laughed only a bit. It was difficult though, he had been very down lately. He knew that this was nobody's fault, the fact that he couldn't be with Nymphadora, but he felt so deeply miserable that he wasn't capable of showing joy anymore. He had been extremely polite to everybody but the others knew that something was wrong. Perhaps they thought it had something to do with his mission amongst the Werewolves; anyway he wouldn't deny it or else he would have to tell the truth and that was something he didn't want to do.

"Please Bill, your mother invited me for dinner, she must be worried with my delay. Besides I had a bad day and I'm tired; just ask me the question, please!" asked Remus with a somehow exasperated sigh.

"Right, Remus. Now if it's really you, tell me, why are you so upset?

"Bill!" he reprimanded "That's not the question we agreed on."

"Alright, alright! This is just so boring the question won't prove a thing; you could be a Death Eater in disguise with the information; or you could be under the imperious course or…

"And you really think a Death Eater would catch me alive?" asked Remus starting to find the situation a little amusing.

"Or you could be an Inferi…"

"Ask!" commanded Remus now laughing.

"Alright, I'll ask the stupid question but don't think that you'll convince me with your answer." said Bill laughing loudly "Now, who was your Potions teacher? And what kind of question is this, anyway?

"Horace Slughorn! And I thought nobody would be expecting this question." answered Remus shrugging his shoulders dismissively.

"Liked potions, did you?" asked Bill ironically.

"Not really, and Slughorn wasn't my favourite teacher either but he's better than Snape, anyway." joked Remus feeling slightly better now.

"Anyone is better than Snape." answered Bill and they both laughed "Now it's your turn." continued Bill Weasley obviously enjoying himself"

"Alright!" Remus sighed deeply, feeling annoyed all over again "What's the name of your bride?"

"Lovely Fleur Delacour." answered Bill dreamily "Well, I guess I can let you in now" he decided at last and Remus thanked it, he really had had already enough that day.

"I think you're a little infatuated with this marriage, don't you think?" asked Remus with a hint of unhappiness in his tone of voice when finally Bill had opened the door for him.

"Perhaps, but that's a good thing, isn't it?" 

"I don't know, but you should really change your question it's too obvious."

"Not really, not everybody knows I'm going to get married, besides I trust you to never get caught." Bill laughed at his own joke but Remus shook his head with a serious expression on his face. "You should do it too, you know, marry someone that is, you are getting bitter." continued Bill with a low and provoking chuckle this time, as if he knew something Remus didn't.

"You know I'm not allowed to get married." he retorted resentfully.

"That means you would like to?" remarked Bill with a smirk. Remus didn't answer to that difficult question. Well of course he would love to marry the adorable Nymphadora Tonks but that was out of question and… "Now tell me, are you upset because a certain beauty had stolen your heart and you are not brave enough to take a chance on her?" finished Bill with a large smile but he was gone before Remus had got a chance to retort. Now he was sure that Bill knew about Nymphadora and himself, everybody seemed to know anyway. Well it wasn't all that difficult coming to think about it, after what Sirius had hinted; and they were acting quite different around one another lately.

Remus was still smiling sadly about his friend's daring when he entered the living room. Hermione and Ginny were there, talking and laughing about something, but his heart almost stopped beating when he saw that they were not alone. Nymphadora was sitting between them and he forgot all his exhaustion at the sight of her. His smile disappeared slowly from his lips when her sad eyes met his and he took in her appearance.

He knew that Nymphadora was completely recovered from her injury in the Ministry yet she looked older and thinner. Her hair was still brown, it seemed she couldn't change its colour anymore and, though she looked quite beautiful, gorgeous really, in her natural look she was so colourless and gloomy. This wasn't the young woman he had met a year before, he thought sadly; the colourful, amusing girl had disappeared giving place to a weary and unhappy woman.

Remus wasn't expecting her presence in the Burrow that day. He had avoided Nymphadora as much as possible and it had been difficult enough seeing her those two times after their discussion; watching her misery; perceiving her pain. But of course Nymphadora was a friend of the Weasleys too and she had the right to talk with Ginny and Hermione whenever she wanted to.

"Hi girls!" he said sullenly, trying hard not to fix his stare on the beautiful woman with such sad eyes lingering painfully on him "Hermione how's your vacation been?"

"The same as usual, professor." she answered smiling at him.

"Tonks, everything's okay with you?" he asked slowly, feeling a lump forming in his throat when he saw her hurt expression. Stupid question, of course she wasn't alright and he had only himself to blame.

"Fine! How are you, Remus?" she asked melancholically and he detected also a hint of irony in her words. He took his time observing her mournful features before answering her question. Nymphadora seemed so worried about his state as she ran her eyes swiftly through him. He really had to restrain himself to not advance on her and hug her tight until all the pain of the last days had disappeared.

"I'm… okay!" he said at last with great effort for he was very far from being okay. "Ginny, is your father at home?" he asked suddenly after clearing his voice; he needed to distract his own thoughts away from Nymphadora.

"He hasn't arrived yet, he is working very hard at the Ministry, you know?" answered Ginny worriedly.

"Yes, these are difficult times but…"

"Well girls, I loved talking to you but Molly isn't coming down and I have so much work to do tomorrow." said Nymphadora, interrupting him half-heartedly with a forced smile towards the girls.

"But weren't you suppose to stay for dinner?" asked Ginny sounding very disappointed. She and Hermione were really good friends of Nymphadora. It felt natural since she was so youthful and he admired her for that.

"Yes, but I'm so tired, my head is exploding and I'd rather sleep a little." Remus knew she was lying, and the girls seemed to know also by their exchanging of looks. Although he hoped they didn't know he was the reason she wasn't staying.

Nymphadora rushed pass him through the door, without even glancing at him, after she had waved carelessly. Remus had seen tears in her eyes, which broke his heart one more time. He didn't want her to leave on his account and he barely noticed he was following her until she reached the door.

"Nymphadora!" he called anxiously. She hesitated with her hand in the doorknob.

"What?" her voice was a little harsh and tearful and he ached deeply with it.

"You shouldn't leave because of me, I should leave!" said Remus sadly.

"Why, I don't want you to leave, I must go that's all." she retorted still not even looking back, though he could feel the rage and sadness in her usually soft and cheerful tone of voice. "Besides I would not be able to eat." she added low, obviously she didn't mean him to hear her only he did and his heart sank in dismay.

"You're not eating properly, are you?" asked Remus worriedly.

"What do you care?" her hard words were hurting him more than anything in the world; even so he kept talking.

"Don't be unfair with me, Nymphadora; you know how I care about you." he said feeling completely disgruntled "And you look ill, you're not taking care of your health." he persisted urgently.

"I could say the same about you!" she whispered sadly.

"That's not important!" said Remus firmly although her disturbing words were still ringing in his ears "It's you we're talking about."

"It is important to me!" she paused for a brief moment before she continued "And I'm perfectly able to take care of myself, thanks!" she finished angrily still facing the door.

"Look at me!" again without noticing Remus had made his way towards Nymphadora and grabbed her arm. She stood still for a second and then, very slowly, she turned to him. Yet Nymphadora didn't look into his eyes she was staring at the floor and he could sense she was about to cry. He resisted the impulse to engulf her in his embrace but before he could stop himself he had lifted her chin instead making her look deeply into his eyes. And the pain he saw in hers was enough to kill him more efficiently than any curse. "I would like so much to ease your pain." he barely whispered.

"Well that doesn't matter now, does it? It doesn't matter how much I am suffering as long as I don't waste my life in a Werewolf, the man I love, who is so idiotic that he can't understand that I'm not alive when he's not near me." she exploded bitterly, breathing hard because of her fury. He lowered his eyes slowly. They were so painfully close now that he was breathing her soft flowery scent and he could barely resist the need to kiss her.

"We've been through this before Nymphadora, you know my reasons, you only need to accept them." whispered Remus averting his eyes from hers so that Nymphadora couldn't see his anguish.

"Oh but I won't, I will never accept this situation." she murmured, all her body trembling in angst.

"We can't do this!" said Remus decidedly, while he grabbed her shoulders steadily, running his hands inwardly up and down her arms in order to calm her down. Nymphadora closed her eyes when he reached her hands, rubbing her fingers until he noticed what he was doing and pulled apart apprehensively.

"Please Remus, I love you so much! I don't care if you're a Werewolf, listen to me!" she held his face endearingly and, gazing deeply into his eyes, she finished softly "I don't care!"

"We should see each other less times." he murmured unhappily after a brief pause trying to organize his thoughts "This is only hurting us both even more.

"Don't close yourself in a shell, I want to be with you." pleaded Nymphadora weakly; she seemed to have run out of strengths to fight by now.

"I'm used to be alone" murmured Remus after regaining control of his breathing and recovering his voice he had lost because of her last words. "and anyway I don't have anyone else so…

"You have me!" she interrupted sounding deeply hurt; and her soft hands left his face "And the Weasleys and Harry too; and I want to take care of you; we can take care of each other."

"No, we can't, that would be too risky." refuted Remus softly.

"But why? If we are careful enough nothing bad is going to happen. You always find a place to hide while transforming anyway; and if you were to attack me you would do it if I was or was not your girlfriend." finished Nymphadora firmly. Oh, just the sound of that last word of hers was filling his head up with beautiful images of how wonderful it would be to have her in his life; nights spent by the fireplace, taking her breath away with long kisses; trips to Hogsmeade; spending everything until his last remaining knut to buy her Honeydukes sweets…

"Can't you understand, this is not just a question of me anymore?" he reasoned trying to put himself together.

"No, than what's your excuse now?" he could sense that Nymphadora was loosing her remaining patience.

"Greyback!" he said in a puff of air "If he would ever find out about you and I he would go after you. And if he gets you I'm lost but not before I have finished him. It might take me a lifetime but, if he dared touching you, I would kill him even if it was the last thing I did." finished Remus fiercely and her eyes lit up a bit. "That's why we can't be together, I don't want him to get anywhere close to you.

"I can fight him, I…"

"You don't know him." said Remus waving his head sadly "Can't you understand? If Greyback finds out about whatever it's happening between us he is capable of… he can… can try to harm you, he can…

"I'm not afraid of him and anyway I'm willing to take the risk. I love you Remus and we've been through this conversation before." she finished impatiently.

"Well I don't want to take the risk, alright!" retorted Remus angrily "Look at what happened to Emmeline Vance and to Amelia Bones, they are dead. And what about all those other people who have disappeared lately. Can't you see I don't want to loose you?" Remus' voice broke in the last words and he closed his eyes for a brief second.

"I'm not afraid…"

"Look Nymphadora, please try to understand you are a half-blood, an Auror and a precious member of the Order of the Phoenix, these are enough reasons to be pursued by Death Eaters" explained Remus looking intently at her "don't put yourself in a more dangerous situation by staying with me; ecspecially now that I am fighting directly against Greyback.

"I want to fight him too!" protested Nymphadora sternly.

"No!" Remus almost shouted in horror "No, please! I don't want you to get involved, this is my fight." he finished more softly. The last thing he wanted was to see Nymphadora fighting Greyback, the most hideous Werewolf alive.

"Your fights are mine too!" she retorted firmly "I love you, how many times do I have to say it before you understand what that means?"

"I don't deserve your affection." said Remus desperately "You shouldn't be so attached to me, I have a very dangerous life, I'm taking a risk everyday and I could be killed anytime because…"

"Don't… don't you say that, don't you dare talk about you dying!" she demanded in a low and enraged tone of voice and he could see that she was trembling furiously.

"That's a possibility!" reasoned Remus sadly.

"No it isn't, you're better than any Death Eater." she said through gritted teeth.

"I'm dealing with Fenrir Greyback!" he whispered putting his hands in his pockets.

"You're much better than him. He can only harm you if you let yourself go, don't do it Remus!" she pleaded with her fists nervously clenched and he felt incredibly flattered with her trust in his capacities "If you… if something happens to you I won't stand it. I would rather die in your place than staying alive grieving for you. I love you so much!" she finished with a loud sob while running one hand softly through his hair, tears running freely down her face. A strong rush of emotion washed over Remus, almost making him falter, at her meaningful words, her trembling voice, her sad tears…

In a second his hands were cradling her face and his lips mere inches apart from hers. He stopped himself just before he did something he would painfully regret. Remus swallowed hard at her beautiful vision. Her perfume was imbibed in his senses and he could feel the heat of her rapid breathing in his face; the temptation to close their distance and kiss her was almost unbearable. Remus tore his eyes away from her lips while still fighting against his impulses. She was still crying silently and didn't move forward which he painfully thanked. They couldn't kiss each other; it would be insane and would only hurt them both even more. Why did she have to be such a soft talker, her words had been playing havoc within him. Her worries about him, her pleads… her endless love for him were everything he had ever wished for; yet this had been forbidden to him the day he had gotten bitten by a Werewolf.

"I've told you I don't have anything to offer you so why do you insist?" he asked throatily playing distractedly with a lock of her hair.

"And I've told you, _you're_ everything I need! You _have_ everything I want." she retorted tiredly "I need your love, that's all I'm asking for, give me your love Remus."

"We can't do this!" he said after a long pause and released her hair, trying his best not to caress her face.

"I'm so tired of crying Remus, you have no idea what I've been through in the last days." she whispered, her voice quivering as she pulled her hair with both hands making a sound of pure frustration. He knew exactly how she had suffered because he had felt the same agonizing pain lately. However he gathered all his remaining common sense so as to comfort her in the best way he could.

"That will pass and you are going to be happy again as you deserve." he assured, grabbing her wrists and pulling them down to stop her frantic movements.

"No, I won't! Only you could make me feel happy and you know it." she didn't sounded furious as before she only sounded hurt, sad and unhappy and that made him feel even worse. If she was angry it would be better for her state of mind. Anger was not a good thing but sadness was worse, it destroyed every bit of self-confidence in people. How he wanted to end both their grieving; how he wanted to grab her face and kiss her forever, making her realize all his dismay "I would like to know what I did. I have objected each and every one of your stupid reasons but you still persist in keeping your distance… I just want to understand why. Am I such a weak person that you can't be with me? Because that's the image you seem to have of me, a weak woman unable to fight both our wars." Remus felt shocked at her words.

"What are you saying… that's not the image I have of you." he muttered confused "I honestly believe in your capacities… and… it's just that my reasons are more than valid, though you are still unable of accepting them. But this… believe me Nymphadora, it's not your fault, I…"

"Mrs. Weasley is calling everybody for dinner." said Hermione at the door and she looked compassionately at Nymphadora for she was trying to dry her tears hastily. Remus tried not to think about what Hermione would understand from the situation she had just presented.

"Sorry I have to go, apologize to Molly for me, please!" she said sadly to no one in particular and left without even saying goodbye; but he couldn't complain since he had done the same after their last talk.

Remus saw Nymphadora leaving with a pang of unhappiness in his heart. He stood there hearing the voices coming from the living room but he couldn't avert his eyes from the door she had just closed. What had happened to the bright girl he once met? She had always had a strong character, a unique personality but now the light had gone.

He had felt shocked when he first had seen her after their discussion, her eyes had lost their usual light, her hair was mousy brown and lifeless; but what had shocked him the most was the sadness he had perceived in her, she had always been so joyful and now… She couldn't even metamorphose like before, he thought sadly; she used to be so funny with all those disguises. He knew she liked to change and suspected that she couldn't do it anymore and worse, he knew that could happen due to emotional upheavals and he had the hurtful impression that he was the responsible for her loosing her powers.

He still was shocked now and he felt a lump on his throat just remembering the expression on her face before she left the Burrow. Remus felt so bad for Nymphadora, she wasn't this sad woman, she was the brightest human being he had ever met… she used to glow more than the sun reflected on clear water. Had he done all of this to her? Had he destroyed her joy, her happy smile… her youth? The guilt he felt for what he had done to her was almost unbearable but he couldn't retrieve now, if he did so they would both regret it. He would just have to hope that Nymphadora would recover her happiness soon.

"Come Remus, dear!" said Molly from the threshold of the door behind him. She looked relieved because he was there and Remus remembered suddenly that she must have been worried about his safety, and that he should have talked to her sooner. But that fact had remained hidden in the back of his head after he had seen Nymphadora. "Where's Tonks?"

"She couldn't stay for dinner." said Remus painfully and he perceived something close to deception in Molly's eyes. Could she possibly have done it on purpose? Had she invited them both for dinner with the intention of making them talk? Sure enough Nymphadora had been there and he was too, but at the same time she was also a friend of the family…

"Have you talked to her?" asked Molly in a strangely innocent tone of voice, which made him suspect her even more.

"Yes, we've talked!" he admitted in a whisper but Molly heard him. She smiled patiently at him and didn't insist on a further conversation over the issue.

"Well, come on, you must be hungry!" finished Molly ushering him forwards.

Feeling too weak to protest Remus joined the others in the living room, where they were awaiting for dinner, knowing full well that he wouldn't eat that night. He missed Nymphadora and her bright laugh, he would love to see her smile again. She used to be so colourful and vivacious, amusing him during the meals at Grimmauld Place. But now, because of him, she was nothing but a shadow of what she once was, a star with no light … a rainbow fading in the dusk.

A/N So have you enjoyed this chapter? I hope you did; I have a great responsibility here, with such great reviews I have the obligation to do a good work :).

I dedicate this chapter to all of you who keep reading this story and to all of you that have supported it until now ;).

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And once again a very, very, very, very special thanks to Courtney, without your help this story wouldn't be the same, believe me ;). Thank you so much for your help, your support and your awesome reviews.

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I'll be waiting for your precious opinions :).


	6. A Howl By The Moonlight

Summary: Tonks finally gets a chance to talk to Molly. Meanwhile Remus is amongst the Werewolves. Find out their thoughts in this chapter.

A Bit of His Past

By: She-Elfgirl

Chapter 6

A Howl By The Moonlight

Tonks was sitting in the kitchen of the Burrow staring blankly at the clock where all the Weasleys were currently in danger of death. She had arrived about ten minutes ago. Fortunately it had been Ron opening the door to her, if it had been Bill or one of the twins she would have been outside for ages while they have made fun of her. Well Bill wasn't all that mean to her but sometimes…

It had been two days since Tonks had decided to go to Molly in search of counsel about Remus. She had been there the day before in hope of getting Molly alone for a talk but she hadn't gotten the opportunity, so she had come back that same afternoon and was now waiting for her friend to join her in the kitchen. Ron had told her that Molly had gone upstairs after starting to prepare dinner; apparently she had had urgent matters to resolve away from a certain French guest in the Burrow.

The day before, when Tonks had been there, she had met Remus before talking to Molly and she had left without having the chance to even see her, nevermind talking to her. She had been there mainly because Molly had invited her for dinner, and she had decided it would be a good occasion to set a conversation.

Now that she thought about it Molly was inviting her for dinner a lot lately and, every time she had accepted, Remus had also been invited… could Molly have possibly been doing it on purpose? Of course it was a natural thing to do, inviting a couple of friends for dinner, ecspecially the ones who had nobody else; and Remus was a friend of the Weasleys and he had no other place where he was welcome… no other family. As for herself, Tonks knew that Molly was worried about her because she did nothing but cry or show unhappiness lately; it was no surprise to anyone since everything was going wrong in her life nowadays.

But somehow Tonks suspected that Molly was doing it intentionally, inviting both Remus and her to the Burrow. And, strangely enough, she hadn't warned her that Remus would be joining them the day before as she usually did. Tonks had actually strong suspicions that Molly somehow knew that they had been fighting and that she wanted to help them to settle things right. Tonks was actually starting to think that Molly was up to something concerning her relationship with Remus After all she had shown suspicions towards their bond and also interest in seeing them together.

Anyway, the day before she had wanted to take the opportunity to talk to Molly but her friend had been too busy upstairs and, according to Ginny, she hadn't wanted to be interrupted. Tonks knew for sure that Molly had been only escaping from that French girl… Fleur her name was, Bill's fiancée. But she hadn't wanted to disturb her anyway so she had decided to wait.

Ginny and Hermione had kept her company; Hermione had arrived the day before and had a lot to talk about her holidays. Tonks had simply been there listening to their conversation. Both girls had been mostly making fun of Fleur and laughing at their own jokes but she hadn't joined them; she actually hadn't smiled even once along their conversation. To tell the truth she hadn't said much the whole time they had been there.

Tonks had perceived, by their exchange of meaningful looks, that Hermione and Ginny were worried about her and it was normal actually, after all she had always been very enthusiastic about jokes and she had always laughed a lot. They were probably thinking that she was down and gloomy because of Sirius; they might even have guessed that she felt guilty for what had happened to him. And they would be mostly right in their assumptions. Well, of course she was very sad about her cousin's death, but what presently hurt her the most was Remus and his stubbornness.

In any case she hadn't told the girls the real reason of her sadness, it was better this way, she didn't want to expose Remus or herself to further commentaries. Hermione and Ginny were cool but Tonks needed advice from somebody older and far more experienced.

When she had seen him standing at the entrance of the room she suddenly hadn't known what to do. After all she had come to talk to Molly about him and there he was as if he had apparated from her thoughts.

He had looked so thin, so gloomy, so… unhappy when he had examined her closely, taking in her different appearance. She had seen it in his eyes… she had seen so much grief. But he kept his stupid resolution of being apart from her, making them both suffer to no end. And then he had asked her if she was all right, of course she wasn't but she hadn't said it out loud in front of the girls.

He had said he was fine but she knew he had been lying since she had noticed that he was thinner than usual, more sorrowful, he obviously hadn't slept well lately, just like her, and he looked even more ill than usual. While studying his features Tonks had perceived that he had been very surprised at her sight; he clearly hadn't been expecting her presence at the Burrow that day, which added to her suspicions about Molly's true intentions. Of course, he had been avoiding her ever since they had talked about their feelings towards one another whilst she, on the contrary, not only had tried to get close to him but she had also been fighting with all her strengths for their love.

Anyway, after seeing him Tonks had given up talking to Molly. Their conversation would have to be transferred to another day, there was no way of her getting a chance to pour her unhappiness to Molly with Remus around. She then had decided that the best thing to do was for her to leave right then so to not bother him with her misery. She had felt all of a sudden very angry and extremely hurt just by being near him; and she had abandoned the room after a brief and discreet excuse feeling saddened tears prickle her eyes. She had known that if she stood there she would cry and she hadn't wanted to explain herself to the girls, she hadn't been ready for that, not yet.

In fact, when she had passed Remus she had been on the verge of tears and she hadn't even been brave enough to look at him. But then, when she had been about to leave, she had heard his soft voice from behind her, calling her once again by her given name and she hadn't found the strength to ignore him and depart. So she had found herself closing her eyes briefly at the pleasant sound of her name on his lips; it felt great and familiar hearing him calling her that again. Even so Tonks hadn't wanted to face him and she hadn't looked back, instead she had kept staring at the closed door; she had still been angry at herself, at him, at the whole world that had decided against them.

While they exchanged a few words she had felt her anger growing hot inside of her, ecspecialy when he had shown concern. Of course she knew he was truly worried about her but that was only infuriating her more. And not even the fact that she was also so worried about him would calm her down right then. How dare he love her so much and still ignore her that way. She knew that Remus had been only trying to talk to her, that he wanted to help her cope with her own pain but she had still been extremely angry and bitter and … if he didn't want to be with her then she had decided that she wouldn't talk to him just then unless it was strictly necessary, no matter how immature that might seem. The truth was that she had felt too distraught to have a conversation without fighting and she was so tired of fighting with him.

But when she had heard his plead for her to look at him; and when she had felt him approaching, startling her when his hand, gentle and warm, closed around her arm… she hadn't resisted it and she had turned slowly to face him. Yet Tonks had been unable to look him straight in the eyes; she hadn't wanted him to see the tears in hers and she hadn't wanted to see his pain. Although it was _his_ fault if they were both grieving; _he _was the one avoiding her; _he_ was the one that was finding excuses, not her. But she hadn't wanted to see his unhappiness nonetheless; she loved him too much for that and she had enough with her own pain.

Somehow they had gotten so close that she could feel the warmness of his body distracting her of her fury for a moment. He had lifted her chin then and, when their eyes locked during what seemed like eternity, she had seen her misery reflected in his eyes and she had suspected from his tormented expression that he must have seen his grief mirrored in hers. But of course he had kept persisting in his stupid excuses and her fury had grown even stronger as they had yet another fight. She understood his worries for her, she felt the same concern about him but she didn't agree that they had to be apart for fear of losing each other. It wasn't fair and she would never accept his excuses; she would fight to the end for this love.

Remus had been so caught up by the moment that he had unconsciously caressed her arms and her hands, rubbing his fingers to hers in a way that… she had felt shivers. She had closed her eyes aching desperately for him to surrender to their love but then, all of a sudden, he had ceased the touch, breaking her heart one more time along with her hope. She had wanted to destroy all his stupid resistance, to convince him that he didn't need to be alone, that she wanted to be with him but he wouldn't give in.

Tonks had felt unbelievably grateful to him, because of his worries about her safety, because he wanted to protect her from any harm… she knew he would always protect her against Greyback. And she had felt incredibly touched when Remus had said that he didn't want to lose her, that he would be able to… to kill Greyback for her. Although Tonks didn't want him to kill anyone for her, the only thing she wanted was for him to reconsider their situation.

But still his excuse was not even worth a second thought. Remus was putting so much effort in keeping her away from his life that he wasn't making sense at all. How could he have thought that she would stop persisting with him because of Greyback? To start with she knew full well, although only technically, how to deal with a Werewolf. And, even more importantly, she was not afraid, ecspecially with Remus by her side; she could fight Greyback with him. She had really meant it when she had said that she would rather die than grieve for him. She couldn't bear the thought… if he… if something happened to him she would perish of mourn for sure. She had been so furious with him for bringing up just the mere possibility of him to… so furious that she hadn't been able to hold back the tears anymore.

He had been about to kiss her then, she had felt it tingling in her skin. For one brief second she had felt her hope rise again from the depths of her being. But she should have known he wouldn't have kissed her as much as he wanted it. And as much as she wanted it herself, as much as she needed it she had been too hurt to close their distance and kiss him only to be ignored again. She was always touching him on purpose, before that day, she enjoyed touching Remus as much as she could and whenever she'd got a chance but… that day, even though her heartbeats had been out of control, even though she had wanted it with all the force of her essence, she hadn't done a single movement to kiss him. She just wouldn't be able to endure being rejected again so soon.

Feeling utterly miserable Tonks had used her last remaining strengths in trying to convince him, to bring him back to reason but to no effectiveness. Although he had been playing with her hair, although she knew he had been deeply hurting himself with each word of refusal, he wouldn't back out from his decision. Tonks had been running out of strengths by then, her anger had faded and she only felt sad and tired and… insecure; not from his love, which she knew for sure he strongly felt for her, but about his confidence in her capacities. She had needed to know if she wasn't good enough for him. But the confusion she had seen in his features, when she had let him know her thoughts had shown her that he truly believed in her capability, which was somehow a relief.

Then Hermione had entered the room interrupting them. Remus and herself had been very close to each other and she had still been crying; but strangely, in that exact moment, Tonks had not been really worried about what Hermione would think of them. She had just apparated home, feeling incredibly sad and weak. Once there she had collapsed in her bed, crying bitter tears until she had fallen asleep from tiredness.

Tonks was awoken from her memories by the sound of voices coming from the living room. Feeling startled by the sudden interruption of her thoughts she dried her tears quickly so that whoever was coming wouldn't see them, she hadn't even noticed she had been crying. Tonks was still trying to compose herself when, two minutes later Molly entered the kitchen muttering furiously to herself.

"What have I done to deserve this?" she said summoning a large spoon from a shelf with her wand.

"Something wrong Molly?" asked Tonks worriedly, using a soft tone of voice but it startled Molly who apparently hadn't noticed her silenced presence.

"Oh, hi Tonks… nothing's wrong dear." answered Molly softly although she was stirring the onion soup, that had been boiling in the stove, quite aggressively. "Just that Fleur." she continued through greeted teeth. Tonks waited but Molly didn't improve so she decided to keep on.

"You can talk to me if you want to." she said sympathetically. She had perceived ever since the beginning that Molly wasn't at all satisfied with Bill's future marriage to that French girl, Fleur Delacour. Tonks didn't know her very well but Hermione and Ginny hated her literally and in fact she didn't seem to be a very nice person.

"Oh dear I'm sorry, Ron told me you were here but I was so busy that I almost forgot about you." she chuckled nervously while spoons, bowls and goblets flew and set themselves in the table at a gesture of her wand "Dinner's almost ready; you're staying aren't you? After all yesterday you managed to leave without even saying hello to me." finished Molly in a strange tone of voice and Tonks suspected that her friend knew why she had left so soon the day before.

"I just…"

"But well of course you hadn't the chance to see me, dear." Molly interrupted Tonks while she gave her a knowing look. "So don't worry about that, you'll compensate today." apparently Molly had assumed that she would stay. But, although it smelled good, Tonks couldn't find the appetite so she decided to decline the invitation. She would talk to Molly and leave right after.

"Well I…"

"It's not that I don't want to, you know, but… well they are so young to get married and…" interrupted Molly changing the subject so fast that Tonks felt a little dizzy "… and there are so many nice girls for whom Bill could be interested in!" finished Molly distractedly. Tonks frowned a little at that sudden commentary, but then suddenly Molly smiled. "Oh, no dear, don't worry I was not thinking about you. As nice as it would be to have you in the family I know you have… let's say other person to think about." Molly was now looking at her intently, as if waiting for a response but Tonks stared at her wordlessly while thinking about what to respond. She was, in fact, there to talk to Molly because she was sad and grieving for a love that, for all that mattered, was unrequited. She also wanted to tell her friend about her loosing of powers, her metamorphosing problems more precisely. And she was in seek of counsel; but now that she had a chance she couldn't find the words at Molly's honesty. Anyway, Tonks cleared her voice discreetly, her friend was still waiting so she decided to talk at once before she had time to regret it.

"Molly I…"

"Oh, how I hate Phlegm!" Ginny stormed into the kitchen looking profoundly exasperated and followed closely by a very annoyed Hermione.

"She is so… so full of herself." agreed Hermione crossing her arms brusquely.

"Ginny, don't say those things and don't call her that." protested Molly weakly and Tonks suspected that she was only playing her part as a mother reprimanding her child but that she actually didn't mind Ginny's words about Bill's fiancée.

"Hey, Tonks!" greeted Ginny with a relieved grin, choosing not to retort to her mother. Tonks gave them a very brief and sad smile thinking that she wouldn't be able to start her conversation with Molly with the girls around "You've just saved us!" Ginny suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her off the chair.

"What?" she asked completely caught by surprise.

"Come on Tonks, let's talk a bit, Phlegm's not staying with us if you're there." continued Ginny enthusiastically.

"Thanks a lot!" she retorted ironically trying to smile but failing miserably.

"Oh, you know what I mean." said Ginny grinning broadly and, although Tonks didn't quite get the reason to why Fleur didn't like her, she followed the girls. Anyway they wouldn't leave her alone with Molly if she didn't do what they wanted and she needed to talk to her without any kind of interruption.

"Tonks was talking to me." said Molly hurriedly when Fleur floated happily into the room and Tonks looked back at her apologetically. In that precise moment she tripped in a chair that fell at Fleur's feet and chaos was unleashed.

"Autch, watch out! Can't you zee what'z in your path?" she said furious although there wasn't a real motive since she hadn't gotten hurt.

"Sorry!" said Tonks nonchalantly. She should probably be embarrassed but she felt very numb lately towards everything that wasn't related to Remus. Only he could make her feel, without him any kind of emotion just didn't seem to make sense anymore. She felt empty and cold… so cold inside.

"She didn't do it on purpose." defended Molly harshly.

"But she could 'ave hit mee" protested Fleur angrily although Tonks was still not in the least worried about her complains. She hadn't done any harm and couldn't quite comprehend why Fleur was so furious with her.

"There's no need to make a fuss over such a little thing" muttered Hermione while glaring at Fleur.

"Oh, just ignore her!" whispered Ginny and dragged Tonks out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her room, followed closely by Hermione, and leaving behind a very upset Fleur and an extremely annoyed Molly. Ginny closed the door of her room quite angrily.

"Thank goodness!" said Hermione sitting in her bed "I thought we would never get rid of her"

"Me too, she's just so awful, Phlegm that is." stated Ginny making a sound of pure frustration.

"I totally agree." said Hermione nodding vehemently. Tonks was listening to the girls, barely interested, while thinking in the best way of getting Molly alone for a talk.

"She could 'ave hit mee."sneered Ginny in an almost perfect imitation of Fleur's accent and both her and Hermione laughed hard at that but Tonks didn't even smile. A few months before she would have probably found the situation quite humorous but right then she simply didn't feel like laughing "I wonder what has gotten into Bill to choose _her_ for his Fiancée."

"Why is it that she doesn't like me?" asked Tonks sitting on Ginny's bed. She wasn't really curious about that but she had this feeling that they would let her go sooner if she settled a conversation. The thing was that she really needed Molly's counsel but she didn't want to disappoint the girls, and they were counting on her company.

"Oh, come on Tonks, you don't know?" said Ginny exasperatedly. Tonks waited silently trying her best to hide her lack of curiosity. If she was to tell the truth she couldn't care less about Fleur and what she thought about her. She had so many problems to face; Greyback, Death Eaters, Voldemort and… Remus, so many problems that Fleur's opinion on her seamed to be a very insignificant thing. "She's jealous of course" Tonks stared astonished at Ginny after her unexpected statement and she could see, by the corner of her eye, Hermione nodded her agreement "Yes, absolutely jealous… I mean, your friends with Bill and Mom likes you more than she likes her of course… well everybody likes you more than they like her actually.

"Except for Ron!" said Hermione bitterly.

"And Bill." added Tonks with a relieved sigh but the girls must have get the wrong impression for they were both looking at her intently.

"You really like Bill, don't you?" asked Ginny grinning. "Please tell me you do!"

"Well, he's my friend, of course I like him!" said Tonks evenly. Both girls exchanged doubtful looks but none of them insisted on it. "Well believe me he is my friend and I'm happy for his marriage. I truly hope he and Fleur to be very happy together." she said seriously not wanting the girls to misunderstand her.

"All right, I guess I'll have to believe in your word." said Ginny obviously disappointed "But mom likes you anyway and Phlegm's jealous, that's why she doesn't like you." she finished matter-of-factly. Tonks didn't say anything for a while pondering in Ginny's words. It was not like she cared about it but, at least, it made sense now why Fleur was always mistreating her.

"When will Harry arrive?" she asked anxious to change the dangerous subject that involved her love life. She certainly didn't want the conversation to get to the man she loved and she suspected that, if they kept discussing her friendship with Bill, they would get there sooner or later.

"I think he'll arrive tomorrow." said Ginny calmly "At least that's what Dumbledore said."

"Just as long as he doesn't go drooling over Phlegm. Ron is always doing it" said Hermione resentfully.

"Ron, and what about Harry?" protested Ginny distractedly "Did you see him during fourth year? He concealed it better than Ron, I admit it, but he was always staring at her."

"I know but… Oh Ron is so stupid sometimes." finished Hermione closing her hands furiously on her lap.

Both girls started to complain about boys and their stupidity towards love related issues. For a while Tonks remained there silently, hearing everything they had to say about Ron and Harry's idiocy and even something about this Dean and Viktor Krum, whom they seemed to have in high regard.

She was used to that, Ginny and Hermione seemed to have found a confident in her and they went to her every time they needed some advice or even just for a talk about boys. They actually seemed to confide in her most of their secrets and she had felt contented with it, flattered even; and she had always listened to them and often offered counsel. But now, who was she to give advice if she couldn't even get the man of her life who, she was sure, was downright in love with her. Apparently she was a complete failure in what concerned to romantic issues, she thought dryly.

"Men are just silly sometimes, you know?" she said when she perceived that the girls had finally stopped talking and were staring at her waiting for her reassuring words. "They just can't see what's in front of their eyes." she sounded a little bitter but the girls seemed to have taken no notice, lost as they were on their own love problems.

"Do you reckon that Ron will grow up someday?" asked Hermione in a low and depressed tone of voice.

"Of course he will." Tonks tried to sound amused but she failed completely "And let me tell you one thing, to both of you, don't you ever, ever give up on the men you love, okay? Someday they will have to give in." she finished more to convince herself than the girls but it seemed to have had the desired effect on them because both, Hermione and Ginny, were beaming now.

"You see why you are so much better than Phlegm, Tonks?" said Ginny grinning to her "It's so good to talk to you! You know, it's strange to talk to my mum and…" she made a sound of frustration "Phlegm is just so… annoying… I wouldn't ever talk about boys with her."

"I agree with Ginny, you always have good advice, Tonks!" stated Hermione cheerfully.

"I do what I can, although I don't know if my advice is that good." she said with honesty. Tonks was feeling extremely down while thinking that her own counsels didn't work out with her. But then again her situation was very different from the girls'. Hermione liked Ron who was too silly to understand her feelings and, instead of asking her out, he was always crooning over Fleur. But Tonks knew that he was a nice boy and that he liked Hermione; he was just this natural oblivious boy, but he would come around someday and realize how he felt for Hermione. And Ginny… although she wouldn't confess it Tonks knew that she still liked Harry more than she showed. She talked a lot about this Dean with whom she was dating but… Tonks was sure that it was nothing more than a good tactic to get Harry's attention. She was sure that he would notice Ginny pretty soon; ecspecially because he didn't have a girlfriend at the moment.

As for herself, she was in love with a man that was doing his best to avoid her and she was running out of ways of trying to make him understand the importance he had in her life. And, although she was sure that there was no other woman in Remus' life, she just couldn't find a way to break his will. She wasn't the kind of woman to use jealousy as a method of getting a man's interest and, besides, probably he wouldn't feel jealous or, even if he did, nothing would change between them. No matter what she did he wouldn't ever surrender because he didn't want to hurt her… only he was hurting her so much.

"Tonks, Tonks are you listening to me?" Ginny interrupted her thoughts and she gazed at her in confusion. "Thinking about Bill?" asked the young girl in hope.

"What? Oh sorry… I… I liked chatting with you girls but… well if you don't mind I'll just go downstairs now…" Tonks said completely out of the blue. She stood up nervously and perceived that Hermione was watching her worriedly.

"Are… are you okay Tonks?" she asked timidly and it seemed like she was trying to decide if she should ask her something else; but in the end Hermione closed her mouth and waited for an answer. Tonks knew that she wanted to talk about Sirius, they had tried to bring the issue up a couple of times but she didn't want to talk about it. She suspected now that Hermione had come to the conclusion that Remus and her had been talking about Sirius the day before, that he had been consoling her. She could perceive that the girl had no idea about hers and Remus' complicated relationship. "I'm fine, don't worry. I just reckon I'd also like to talk to Molly a bit and… I think she would like to have my company for a while." she explained managing to give them a faint smile and the girls seemed convinced; Ginny was even smiling now.

"You're right I guess she probably needs someone to make Phlegm go away… and I guess you're the right one to do it." she joked and both her and Hermione broke into a fit of laughter.

"Well, anyway… you know you can always count on me." said Tonks, again without smiling and she left the room hurriedly with the clear impression that, at least Ginny, was hoping that she somehow became interested in Bill. If they really thought that she could fall for him, they could not be more distant from the truth.

Tonks actually stood around for dinner but she barely touched the food and Molly kept insisting on her to eat but she just couldn't do it. The only thing that she wanted right then was to talk about Remus; she needed someone to help her, to offer her a solution to all her problems. After dinner she was starting to wonder when she would have an opportunity to talk to Molly alone because it was proving an almost impossible task. She was about to give up and go home when Fleur started to talk loudly about her plans for the wedding, which annoyed Molly so much that she ruined her knitting. When her complaints became louder than Fleur's rambling everyone got it as a cue to go to bed.

Tonks knew it was her chance and, in fact and despite the lateness of the hour, Molly asked her to stay and keep her company until Arthur got back home; he was working late every night according to her. Tonks followed her to the kitchen while Molly complained vehemently about Fleur.

"Do you want help, Molly?" she asked feeling a little awkward standing there motionless while her friend ordered the kitchen.

"No, thanks dear just sit down, all right?" She complied feeling all of a sudden uncertain of how to start a conversation. It was not an easy thing to do, talking about her emotions, ecspecially because she was feeling very down. Well at least she wouldn't have to put up with Molly trying to hook her up with Bill like the girls.

Molly, who had kept complaining, finally looked back after leaving the dishes washing themselves on the sink and, when her eyes met Tonks' sorrowed features she paused suddenly.

"Oh dear, you wanted to talk to me, didn't you? I understood it before dinner, I'm so sorry if I forgot about that." she said worriedly "It's just that Fleur… well nevermind. You're so sad and you haven't eaten properly at dinner. I'll get you at least a mug of tea.

"No, Molly it's not necessary really!" said Tonks but Molly wasn't paying her attention as she was hurrying to prepare her tea.

"I'm getting very worried about you, Tonks" she continued hastily "Do you want to stay for the night, dear? I'm sure we can arrange space and…"

"No Molly, thanks but… I just want to talk."

"All right!" Molly filled a cup of hot tea and put it in Tonks' hands. She then smoothed her old green dressing gown and waited patiently. Tonks was gathering her courage and she was about to speak up when Molly interrupted her thoughts.

"I did it on purpose, you know?" she said tentatively "I have been inviting you two for dinner so that you can talk.

"Excuse me?" Tonks glanced at her friend confused.

"Oh Tonks don't be silly, I've already been your age, you know? Besides I have seven children and all of them have suffered for love already, though they wouldn't ever admitted it to me. I know the signs, and I know for quite long that you two are much more than just friends. I perceived you must have had a fight because suddenly both of you started acting quite coldly and strangely towards one another. That's why I haven't warned you lately every time I invited him also, I was afraid that you and him wouldn't want to come and meet each other. No, don't interrupt me, let me finish." said Molly when Tonks opened her mouth to talk "Yesterday I tried again I invited you both for dinner. That's why I was upstairs, to let you be together alone… that and to escape from that Fleur but she found me anyway and I had to listen to her nagging me with her plans for the marriage… I mean… oh, you know what I think of her. Anyway I wanted you two to meet and talk to each other… alone.

"Who… what are you talking about, Molly?" asked Tonks suddenly uncertain of what to say in face of Molly's honesty. She had been right about her, she had done it on purpose.

"Who? Remus of course, who else could it be?" answered Molly with a small knowing smile. Tonks stared at her blankly for one second and then she fixed her gaze on the mug of tea. When she felt a hand on her shoulder she looked up again and found Molly's sympathetic eyes. She had sat at the table across from her. "I know you came to the Burrow today to talk to me and here I am. Now what's happened, why did you have a fight, did you tell him how you feel?"

Tonks thought hard for a minute, two days after her decision she finally had a chance and she was not going to pull back.

"Oh Molly!" she released a tormented sigh and wiped a tear from her eyes. "It's been so hard, he has been pushing me aside and he doesn't let me come close to him. And… and I feel so bad and powerless and I love him so much…" she trailed off gazing tearfully at her friend.

"Oh dear, you're in love, I knew it." Molly patted Tonks' hands nervously. "I suspected that for a long time ago and I don't blame you. It is not very difficult, when you come to think about it; he's quite charming, you are both young… it's the most natural thing to happen, ecspecially between good friends as yourselves. Now tell me what went wrong?"

"I… I… well, I told him how I feel and well… not that he has confessed or anything but… but I know he loves me back Molly, I know!" finished Tonks firmly knowing that she was not making much sense but… she had so much to say. Tonks had her speech planned but suddenly she couldn't remember her words, all she knew was that she needed to talk, to tell someone how she felt, she needed comfort and help… she needed a friend.

"Of course he loves you back!" said Molly soothingly reminding Tonks why she had chosen her for a confident "Now tell me everything from the beginning, dear. What happened when he found out about your feelings?"

"All right, I'll try." she said feebly "You see when I told him how I feel he… well he practically told me that he feels the same way but… he just… he just refuses to let me be a part of his life, to become a part of my life, he just…" Tonks sighed, a tremulous and poignant sigh.

"I see." Molly said softly "But what I don't understand is why is he being so stubborn for I know for sure that he loves you. Well, probably he's afraid of hurting you somehow because he is a Werewolf and…

"Yes, that's exactly what he said." interrupted Tonks sadly "He said that he can't be with me because he is a Werewolf."

"I knew it, silly man, do you care about that, I mean, the fact that he is a Werewolf?" asked Molly patiently as if she already knew the answer.

"Of course not!" retorted Tonks indignantly.

"I thought so, have you told him that?"

"Yes!" whispered Tonks gloomily and she covered her face with both hands "I don't understand why he is reacting like this. He said that being a Werewolf is a too risky thing for starting a love life, how stupid is that… so what if he is a Werewolf?" said Tonks fiercely, her voice muffled by her hands.

"That's ridiculous, if you ask me, I mean if you both take care nothing could happen." Tonks lifted her eyes thankfully to Molly.

"That's exactly what I told him, Molly!" she said feeling comprehended for the first time "I don't care if he's a Werewolf, I love him and that's all that matters to me… but I guess that's not enough for him."

"It is enough, believe me!" assured Molly steadily "I'm sure that your love is very important to him as it is the fact that you don't mind if he is a Werewolf. He's been through so much prejudice in his life that I'm sure that it means a lot to him finding someone who accepts him… to find a woman who accepts his whole being.

"Maybe you're right but anyway…"

"You are very important to him, Tonks. Don't you ever doubt it." interrupted Molly firmly and Tonks fell silent for a brief moment trying to decide what to respond to that, seeing as she was extremely depressed at the moment.

"Well, I don't know Molly…" she finally said "… my love is practically unrequited he…"

"No it's not, I'm sure Remus loves you." persisted Molly yet again.

"I know he loves me, that's not what I meant…" said Tonks tiredly "I mean, he barely shows how he feels and… he still has to utter the words… yet I know how he feels. But the fact is that he doesn't care about me and my feelings." she finished bitterly.

"Of course he cares but…"

"His newest excuse is Greyback, can you believe it? Remus is afraid that Greyback comes for me if he finds out about our involvement." she laughed bitterly "Like I couldn't deal with a useless Death Eater…"

"Which is a ferocious Werewolf." interrupted Molly with a frightened shiver and Tonks frowned at her "He's not like Remus dear, I've heard that this… Werewolf, this Greyback kills people… children mostly and bites them for pleasure. I mean, I understand Remus' worries Tonks, he loves you deeply and it's more than natural that he fears for your safety what with all those deaths and vanishings that had been happening lately. Think about it, Amelia Bones, she had an important position in the Ministry and… and Emeline Vance, she was a member of the Order of the Phoenix…

"I know, I'm worried about him too" said Tonks, her voice quivering "he's risking a lot being with the other Werewolves and I'm terrified but he doesn't care about me and my fears and…"

"Oh dear don't be unfair, he cares so much about you that he prefers to be alone than to risk hurting you." stated Molly, interrupting her complains. "Although I have to confess that he's been acting ridiculously in my opinion. You love him and he loves you, I can't see where the problem is. I mean, his reasons are valid but… but I honestly think that you could find a way to be together through all of this."

"Thanks Molly, it's great to know that at least you understand me" said Tonks feeling a little less unhappier "Merlin, why does he have to be so stubborn?" she finished digging her fingers nervously in her hair and Molly stared at her for a second with a very serious expression on her face.

"I'm so glad that you think this way Tonks, I'm really glad." she said slowly "I always knew you were the right woman for Remus. I understood you two had a bond ever since the beginning and just watching you together is enough to see that you were meant to be. It's… you two connect in a way that… I don't know, I guess it's something magical.

"You can tell that?" said Tonks and she even managed a faint smile "You know Molly, you're absolutely right, Remus and I… we have a powerful bond. We'll never be separated, no matter how much he tries." Molly smiled pensively.

"I know I've encouraged you to be with him, but I did it because I really think he deserves a girlfriend. I know you are the right one; you are nice, brave, joyful and… most importantly, you love him." Molly paused studying Tonks' features that were amazed at her words "I don't regret what I've done, not even a little bit. I know he is going to give in sometime, love always wins. Now, drink that tea. Maybe I should have made you a hot chocolate instead. Do you want me to prepare one, it will make you feel better." she finished in a soft tone of voice and Tonks felt hot tears streaming her eyes again.

"No, Molly, thanks. It's not necessary but… Remus would have said the same thing." she stated sobbing a little bit while her heart ached in sorrow.

"Oh dear…" said Molly even more worried and apparently clueless of what to do or say to calm her down.

"It hurts Molly, I love him so much that it hurts when he's not around."

"I know, I know" said Molly soothingly.

"Maybe… maybe I'm just not good enough, I'm just…"

"Don't be silly Tonks, I've just told you that you are the right woman for Remus; and he knows that you're the right woman for him. He loves you; maybe he just needs some time to get used to the idea that he, no longer, needs to be alone.

"But Molly I…"

"He is really difficult with girls, you know?" interrupted Molly changing the subject abruptly "I've heard countless of stories told by Sirius." they both fell silent at the name Molly had pronounced. Tonks mind was filled with images of her cousin's joyfulness; all the times he had made fun of her and Remus… and she had to hold back her tears again. It was all so unfair he didn't deserve dying after spending so much time in Azkaban for a crime he hadn't committed. He deserved to be there with them, still joking about Remus and her maybe he could help somehow.

"You were saying Molly?" asked Tonks with a sad sigh after clearing her voice.

"Oh, yes well he commented with Bill and Arthur about Remus' life during his school years and used to make jokes about him…" Tonks smiled briefly, it was so typical of Sirius rambling about everybody's lives "… anyway he told that Remus was far more popular amongst girls at school than he knew or even suspected.

"Oh, I've heard some stories too!" Tonks said feeling suddenly more than a little annoyed by the issue but she tried to conceal it.

"Yes, well Sirius was not one to keep his mouth shut, you know?" Molly smiled shaking her head "But the thing is that Remus was always nice to everyone, extremely polite, handsome, the most gentle, kind and respectful of the group of friends and so distant…" Molly seemed to be lost in her thoughts as if she was talking alone and Tonks found herself agreeing with each of Remus qualities. He was all that and so much more, no wonder that girls liked him at school, no wonder she had fallen so deep for him "… He didn't perceive it and, anyway, he wouldn't let many girls come closer to him because of his _problem_ but many of them fell for him." suddenly Tonks felt a prang of strong jealousy just to imagine all the girls who had been even near Remus, whether they were classmates, friends or… girlfriends.

"I see." She said harshly not managing to avoid the bitterness on her voice. She had never felt so jealous before, so possessive of someone.

"Oh, but with you it's very different, he loves you and he can't conceal it as much as he tries to." Molly said knowingly she had paused in deep thought and Tonks felt her heart leap at her motivating words. She waited in silence not daring to say anything in fear of not finding her voice "Do you remember last year when we were talking about Remus and his love life, that day you went to pick Harry from his relatives' house? You were telling me that he wouldn't ever look at you and he interrupted my retort." Tonks nodded silently, her heartbeats accelerated with the sweet memory of that day "Well, I was going to say that Remus looks at you yes, and quite a lot if you ask me." Molly smiled at her wickedly and Tonks drew in a deep breath "Oh, yes Remus always noticed you, a lot really… the times I caught him observing you discreetly… and I actually think that he is a little jealous of Bill, can you believe it?" Tonks smiled half-heartedly still trying to control the drumming of her heartbeats just to know that Remus had always noticed her, that she somehow had ever been different from other girls to him.

"Honestly Molly, Remus jealous of Bill?" she said although she was feeling flattered by his supposed jealousy "Bill is my friend and he is going to get married."

"I know" Molly said a little bitter "but it's what it seems. Although he doesn't have reasons to be jealous seeing as you love him and Bill… well Bill's got himself bewitched by a half-veela." she finished angrily.

"Well, anyway the fact is that Remus doesn't want to be with me." said Tonks sadly after clearing her throat "And Molly the worst is that I'm loosing my powers. I can't metamorphose anymore." she finished weakly.

"Oh dear, it's normal that you're losing your powers." said Molly sympathetically after a pause "It's sadness doing her job. But don't worry about it; you still such a beautiful young lady and you will recover as soon as…"

"But what can I do, what can I say to make him understand?" asked Tonks knowing that she sounded desperate "He's the reason why I ended up this powerless and he's the one who can heal me, only he's not willing to and I don't know what else to do, I just don't know, Molly." she finished with a loud sob.

"Oh dear, I don't know what to tell you, I wish I could change his mind." said Molly kindly.

"I guess he had made up his mind already, he'll never let me be with him." A single tear rolled down her cheek and Tonks wiped it with the back of her hand.

"Whatever you do Tonks, never give up on him." pleaded Molly anxiously "Please don't do it, that would only destroy you both."

"Never, I'll never give up on him." said Tonks firmly lifting her eyes to Molly so that she could see the sincerity of her statement.

"Good, because he deserves your kind of love, you just need to keep insisting. He can't resist forever, now can he?" Molly gave her a small, encouraging smile.

"I hope not." said Tonks gloomily.

"Merlin this is insane, Remus is only making you both suffer with his absurd actions." continued Molly and Tonks nodded taking a sip of her already cold tea. "Well, of course he will come around when he sees what he's doing to you because of his stubbornness. You just wait, when I talk to him he'll…"

"No please! He wouldn't understand Molly and he is going to be upset with you." interrupted Tonks hurriedly.

"Remus is like my younger brother, you know? I've lost Gideon and Fabian many years ago and I kind _of adopted_ him when we met." explained Molly half-smiling "I want the best for him; I know what's best for him. I'll talk to Remus and bring him back to reason. He'll have to listen to me… He'll listen to me, I'm sure" she finished resolutely with a reassuring smile.

"No Molly please, he'll think that I asked you to do it, which I didn't as you full well know… Merlin, I'm talking nonsense now." Tonks closed her eyes for a brief second.

"All right, all right dear." said Molly hastily to calm her down "But you can talk to him… maybe one of this days when he's coming for dinner."

"No, I can't, I don't know how I'm going to react if I'll see him again. I'm not sure if I can endure his indifference one more time." whispered Tonks, her voice crackling in dismay "Besides I don't want him to see me like this again. He'll just think I'm weak, I mean this plain brown hair… he knows I would hardly use it unless I couldn't change it. And… and… I have so much work to do Molly, I barely have time for these… reunions. It's the Order and the Auror work, you know with all this Death Eater activity, Aurors are much needed." these were valid excuses but what worried her the most was that she was afraid that Remus wouldn't come if she was there. He needed this family more than her; he was so completely alone, he had nobody else besides the Weasleys… and her. Although he wouldn't accept her love, she thought feeling a lump forming in her throat.

"Alright, it was just a suggestion but think about it please" asked Molly softly. Tonks fell silent fixing her stare in the mug of tea, all the while feeling Molly's worried gaze on her.

"Thank you for listening to me Molly, I really appreciate it. You see, I'm not talking to my mum because…" she swallowed another sob but she felt the need to explain herself to Molly "… because I don't even know if she'd approve my feelings and… and right now the less I need is more impediments, I've had enough with his resistance."

"I'm sure that your parents will respect your choice Tonks but, anyway you came to the right place because I know you both very well and I can try to help you." she said in a comforting tone of voice "Although right now I really don't know what to say to soothe you. I wish I could help you more effectively.

"Well, you made me feel better Molly but…" suddenly three knocks on the door startled them both. Molly got up hastily and headed towards the door.

"It can't be Dumbledore already." she muttered furrowing her eyebrows "Who's there?" she asked nervously but Tonks felt strangely calm and numb "Declare yourself!"

"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry." answered the familiar voice of the Hogwarts Headmaster and Molly opened the door at once.

"Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me a fright, you said not to expect you before morning!"

"We were lucky," said Dumbledore ushering Harry over the threshold "Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I had expected. Harry's doing, of course. Ah, hello, Nymphadora!"

"Hello, professor," she said still sitting at the table, clutching the large mug between her hands. "Wotcher, Harry." she finished smiling forcibly at him. Any other time, she would have been very happy to see Harry but right then she was just emotionless.

"Hi, Tonks." greeted the boy. She knew that Harry had noticed her different appearance, she looked tired, apprehensive, colourless, gloomy and even ill, but she didn't want to think about it just then.

"I'd better be off," she said quickly perceiving that Molly and her had been talking for a long time and that it was late. She didn't want questions asked by Harry or… even worse, Dumbledore so she stood up and pulled her cloak around her own shoulders. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

"Please don't leave on my account," said Dumbledore courteously "I can not stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

"No, no, I need to get going," she said, not meeting Dumbledore's eyes so that he wouldn't see how miserable she was feeling inside "'Night"

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming?"

"No, really, Molly… thanks anyway… goodnight, everyone."

She hurried past Dumbledore and Harry into the yard. A few paces beyond the doorstep, she turned on the spot and de-apparated to her home knowing full well that she had left behind a very troubled Molly, a suspicious Harry and… probably a knowing Dumbledore.

Remus was looking at the pale sky in great awe. It was almost nightfall, full moon night, and fellow Werewolves were swarming the hidden valley just above the cave where they had been living. Everybody was talking excitedly about the upcoming full Moon. But for Remus it would only be another tough night, without even the comfort of having someone waiting for him to heal his physical and mental wounds when the night had ended; the comfort of having Nymphadora waiting for him. And he had only himself to blame, after all he had done everything in his power to push her out of his life and probably, this time, he had managed it. He had never seen her so defeated like the last time they had talked, she hadn't even tried to kiss him, like she had been doing every time they had met lately, he thought feeling all the more unhappier.

Last Sunday when he had been at the Burrow he had been eagerly expecting to see her but she hadn't been there. Remus knew that he and Nymphadora shouldn't see each other but he couldn't stop himself from wanting to be with her, to see her even if only from distance. But she hadn't been at the Burrow that day and he hadn't seen her since their last fight at the Weasley's home. He missed her so much and he was so worried about her, about her safety. He couldn't help but wonder how she was, what she had been doing lately, how many dangers she had had to put up with all those Death Eaters on the loose.

What worried him the most was that she was so down lately, because of him. Their entire situation seemed to have weakened her because she was loosing her power and, as fighter as she was, with her defences lowered she might get herself caught and that was his great fear. If something happened to her he… well he had meant what he had said back then about Greyback. He would kill any person who dared harming her in any way but… that would not be enough to comfort him. He would be completely and irremediably shattered and nothing nor anyone would ever be able to mend him if she…

That was why he rather not having her in his life, that would only put her in more danger, so he was putting all his effort in keeping her away. He had joined the Werewolves again without even saying goodbye to her and he hadn't sent news to her ever since, not to anybody anyway, it would be something like a give away. But he thought that not sending news to her meant more, he wanted to end her grieving, to make her forget him as much as it hurt him… as much as it tore him apart.

The laughter of a bunch of Werewolves near him brought him back to reality. Remus heard their plans for that night and shivered inwardly at so much cruelty. Greyback was marshalling Werewolves for Voldemort. Most of them were happy with his encouragement for them to kill at will; others were just interested in a better life which, they believed, would come when Voldemort got the power. Remus had tried his best to dissuade them but only two seemed to be unsure that day. He sighed in frustration; when Dumbledore had asked him to do the job he had accepted it immediately and he would do his best to fulfil the task but it wasn't easy to gain their trust. It was being really difficult to talk them round especially because he was not very trustworthy, having clearly lived among Wizards. Besides almost all Werewolves were at Voldemort's side; they believed that their marginal life would improve under his rule. Greyback had convinced them that they deserved blood and was encouraging them to seek revenge against normal people. It was not easy to dissuade them seeing as the wizarding laws were strict and rigid against all Werewolves, good or bad, as Remus full well knew.

He had had done all he could that afternoon but now it was time to go; with the approaching of the night he didn't want to take the risk of being free to harm anyone in his Werewolf form. He would have to leave as soon as possible so he searched a hidden spot under a dense group of trees and de-apparated discreetly to the only place he could remember to be the safest of them all. Remus waited until his eyes were accustomed to the gloomy place just to see that he was standing in a dusty and dishevelled room. The whole place was decaying; the paper on the walls was falling down, the floor was dirty and the furniture was broken and destroyed. He hadn't been to this place for a long time, his old refuge, the Shrieking Shack.

He had been using random places to lock himself during the full moon but that night he had wanted to go back there, to the house that he had used as a hideout when he was just a boy. Remus had a profound loathing by that shack, it was connected to the worst part of himself, but yet it remembered him of the good times he had had with his friends. And he needed to recall something good, something that soothed the pain of having destroyed a life, the life of the most perfect human being on earth. Even there, in that shabby and gloomy place, he couldn't stop himself from thinking of her, Nymphadora was in his mind every second of every day. What hurt him the most was watching her grieving, she didn't deserve this. That bright and happy woman, who he hadn't seen shed a single tear before Sirius had died, was always crying lately and he had done it all by himself. He was nothing but a monster belonging to the gloomy side of the moon, even in his human form he only caused destruction around himself; ever since he was just a boy. Dumbledore had spread the word that the house was haunted but it was him, Remus, who had frightened the villagers with his howls. He had been the one destroying the shack with each and every transformation. He had done it, his irrational self actually… the werewolf who, not having anyone to hurt, had harm himself and destroyed that whole place.

He was still the same inconsequent he had been when he was a boy, he had had fun with his friends while a Werewolf, knowing full well that something could have been wrong and that he could have bitten someone. And now, an adult man, he had fallen in love and permitted that a young lady fell in love with him, knowing perfectly well that this love was impossible to concretise. Remus was becoming even more frustrated and miserable than ever and he knew it was because of the approaching moon. And the fact was that being inside that place was not helping him at all. It brought him awful memories of his school years, those days when he hadn't had Wolfsbane potion to help him, just like now. Those days he hadn't had Nymphadora by his side… just like now. Remus took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Searching his memory for something good he remembered that day just before Christmas when his attachment to Nymphadora became absolutely impossible to ignore.

Flashback

Remus was sitting in his bed at Grimmauld Place, his hands hiding his face; that night it would be full moon and he was not feeling so well. Since he had left Hogwarts, Snape hadn't found a reason to prepare him Wolfsbane potion and he wouldn't ever ask, unless he knew somebody close to him was in real danger. That was why Remus had been searching for a new place to recluse himself during each and every full moon; and that was what he was about to do, he had to leave for his hideout. It was December, Christmas was approaching and the kids would be arriving soon for the Holidays. But they were not at risk; the full moon would be gone before their arrival. He didn't want to stay at Grimmauld Place, even with all the spells in the world, because he was afraid of harming Molly or… Nymphadora… she was always around. Suddenly a soft knock on the door brought him back to reality.

"Come in." he said weakly but whoever was in the other side must have heard him because the door fell slowly open and, in a flash of pink hair, someone tripped into the room. A beautiful _someone_, actually, in fashionable jeans and lime green blouse.

"Nymphadora!" he almost shouted feeling all of a sudden extremely startled. Hadn't he just been thinking that he wouldn't like to harm her? What was she doing in his bedroom, that day of all days?

"Hi, Remus!" she answered with a large smile " Sorry, I didn't want to bother you… and I'd never guess I would scare you all that much." she laughed brightly and he felt that familiar stirring he use to feel whenever she laughed, or smiled, or…

"It's not that." said Remus trying to push his thoughts away "It's just that tonight it's the full moon and you really shouldn't…"

"Oh, don't be silly Remus, I know it's the full moon, but honestly it's noon what can possibly happen?" she laughed again, her laugh was the most genuine he had ever heard in his life, and he tried to ignore his strange feelings. "Anyway, you know I'm not afraid of you." she finished cheekily.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked feeling even more worried at her boldness.

"Do I need a motive to visit you?" she joked lightly but when he waited silently, becoming more tense by the minute, she continued, smiling as she went "Well in fact I have a motive, are you happy? I was hoping you hadn't left for your hideout yet. I'm here exactly because of the full moon, just so you know." said Nymphadora more seriously giving him a concerned look and then she smiled, her most innocent smile, and he felt his heart warm in the spot. She had that power of making him feel good no matter what the situation he was living.

"Are you insane?" he said profoundly apprehensive while he shook away his more than dangerous thoughts. "After all what are you still doing here, it's too risky. And in fact I was about to leave to other place, I can't stay in this house now, can I?" he finished totally alarmed and he stood up to leave but she grabbed his hand to stop him and he felt the expected shivers running through him; it happened every single time they touched, although he couldn't explain why.

"Yes you can!" she kept on, smiling mysteriously "You see, I've brought you something." Nymphadora handed him a goblet that, only now he had noticed, she had been holding between her hands. "I meant to give you this." He grabbed the steaming goblet and sat back on his bed staring at her confused.

"Wolfsbane?" he asked sensing the recognizable unpleasant smell.

"Yes, it's Wolfsbane potion!" she answered smiling proudly.

"Where did you get it? You told me you didn't know how to do it and actually it's to complicated" he said feeling all the more puzzled.

"Well, as I told you before, I'm not all that good in brewing potions, for which I blame my professor… Snape, you know?" they both laughed at that. "But well I've bought it, since your _dear friend_ and my _favourite professor_ Snape is not willing to prepare it for you anymore since you left your teaching position at Hogwarts" she said jokingly and Remus stopped laughing all of a sudden at her words. She had bought him Wolfsbane, why? He thought numbly "Now seriously go on, drink that thing."

"Why did you do it?" he asked feeling at the same time flattered and astounded at her gesture "It's not easy to find and it's far too expensive… and… and it's not really necessary. I just need to find a place to hide and…"

"It's not necessary?" she sighed impatiently "Honestly, Remus of course it is necessary, look I know it hurts… the transformation, I've read about it, I've studied about it also and I don't want you to suffer so…

"Well…" he paused uncertain of what to say, as his heart was full of emotions caused by her kindness… her gentle words, her… presence. Nobody had ever been so worried about him and he felt so… grateful to this young and gentle woman. Suddenly he felt the urge to hug her small frame, to kiss her hands, to…

"I can't do this…" he said decidedly "you shouldn't have worried Nymphadora, I don't deserve it, I…

"My name is Tonks and why are you saying those stupid things?" she asked fiercely and Remus perceived that she was very angry, she rarely corrected him nowadays about the use of her name.

"I'm not worth it you know. It's just…" he paused with a sigh "You can't go and buy Wolfsbane every time I need it. I mean I appreciate your gesture Nymphadora, I truly do and… no one has ever done this for me before… well Dumbledore did but… it's… it's different we had to protect the students, but you…" he shook his head trying to organize his thoughts "I'm not going to drink this." he finished while placing the goblet over a table.

"Why?" she asked simply, her voice trembling in emotion, her beautiful eyes filled with tears.

"Please, try to understand Tonks…" he began tiredly hoping that her tears wouldn't fall. The last thing he wanted was to see her crying "if I drink this now you will insist in buy more and more and I just can't depend on you forever."

"Please Remus, I know you don't want help and you certainly don't need charity… but I'm not doing this because I feel sorry for you or whatsoever. I'm doing this because…" she trailed of, breathing heavily, and he waited anxiously for her to finish the sentence "… because I… I like you very much and I am your friend and… and you deserve it, you worth it, so don't say you don't. Now listen to me I want to help you and I don't want you to suffer so please, please let me do something for you, even if it's just this time… now drink that already" she finished suddenly unsteady, even somehow embarrassed at her outburst. Remus stared at her momentarily speechless. Nobody had ever done or said anything like that for him, anything so altruistic so… sweet. And he was being washed by a warm feeling, a strange sensation of fulfillness, something he had never felt before. Nymphadora was looking at him nervously and he took a deep breath. She had talked in a soft voice and there were still tears in her eyes, her pleading words were still ringing in his head… he couldn't deny her anything right then, ecspecially because she had asked in such a sweet and passionate voice.

"Well I… I guess I…" his voice caught in his throat and he grabbed the goblet instead, staring at it silently.

"Well the moon's almost out. I'm not leaving before you drink that so if you don't do it in about…" she paused checking her clock "… the next six or seven remaining hours you'll transform with me here and all dangerous, remember?" she pointed out jokingly. Remus looked at her, a renewed beautiful smile lightening her soft features, and he was ran by an unpleasant shiver just by imagining that dreadful image of her being there when he was transforming; so he drank the potion at once, draining the goblet without even pausing to breathe.

Nymphadora had kneeled at the bottom of his bed while he drank the potion, watching him closely while biting her lower lip in great concern.

"This is awful you know?" Remus shivered and grimaced while gazing at the still steaming goblet and then he gave her a soothing smile.

"I can imagine! They told there's nothing we can do to make it taste better." said Nymphadora still very worried "Is it true, I mean couldn't we add some sugar or something?"

"Unfortunately not!" he laughed trying to light their humour for she seemed sick of concern by then.

"But it's better than feeling the pain of transforming, isn't it?" she added still staring at him anxiously and he smiled warmly feeling a lurch on his very heart at her kind words.

"Don't worry about me, I'm already used to the transformations." he whispered throatily smiling thankfully to her.

"Oh, but I do worry about you, and I don't want you to suffer anymore." she caressed his hair softly and he couldn't help but to shut his eyes at her gentle, warm touch. She was so close to him that she was making him feel light-headed… he would love to lean forward and… Remus opened his eyes brusquely in order to push away that thought that had just occurred him. Feeling slightly embarrassed of his own thoughts he carefully withdrew a little from her; but she seemed to have taken no notice because she didn't move. It was not the first time that the thought have crossed his mind… kissing Nymphadora but he erased it almost immediately. It was stupid really, she was his adorable friend who had just done a wonderful thing for him and he only wanted to thank her.

"You better leave now, I want to be alone when the time comes." he said after a brief pause during which he had tried to make his voice come out clear. Although he had failed miserably, when he had talked his voice was drenched in emotion and his heart was still thudding hard in his chest.

"Why, you have taken the potion, I could keep you company for tonight…"

"No." shouted Remus terrorized but he regret it immediately when he saw the hurt expression on her face "I'm sorry Nymphadora, I would love to have your company, really, it's just that I would prefer if you didn't see me transforming.

"But, why?" she asked indignantly.

"Let's just say it's not pretty to see!"

"I know that, but at least you wouldn't be alone" she kept on stubbornly "And besides it's not the transformation I want to watch, I just want to be with you. At least once you could have someone by your side without the risk of hurting anyone."

"No, Nymphadora it's too dangerous and…" he trailed of trying to find something to discourage her from staying "… you might never want to look at my face again after presenting such horror.

"What? Nonsense." she laughed brightly at his words "First of all there's no risk, and watching your transformation wouldn't ever change my opinion to bad, if something I would like you and respect you even more." Remus stared at Nymphadora in wonder; he felt more flattered than he had ever felt in his life and his voice caught in his throat by emotion. In a world where people were afraid of even being in the same place as him, the man; she was willing to spend the night beside him in his Werewolf form. That was so much more than he had ever expected from a friend let alone a woman. He wanted to tell her how much that meant to him but he couldn't quite find the words.

"I appreciate your gesture Nymphadora, I really do; but please try to understand, I'm afraid for you and I'm not willing to try this, all right?"

"Oh, but I really want to stay, please let me stay just for tonight" she begged, a bit of fascination in her tone.

"No, and that's my final answer."

"All right." she finished clearly disappointed "If that's what you really want.

"Yes it is, thank you!" he agreed feeling greatly relieved with her agreement. Nymphadora stared at him for a brief while studying his tired features and then she smiled warmly.

"All right I'll go, but don't you think I'm leaving this place tonight." His heart sank in utter dismay.

"What? You can't…

"I'll be spending the night in Grimmauld Place Remus, and that's final." she stated obstinately "Molly, asked me to stay because Arthur's out in the Ministry veiling; Sirius' a bit depressed and she thought I could keep you all company. She's under the impression that I could cheer you all up. Anyway, don't tell anyone but I'm staying for you" Nymphadora laughed brilliantly and after a brief hesitation she kissed his face tenderly, warming him inside.

"You shouldn't…"

"If you need me I'll be downstairs." she interrupted giving him the most beautiful smile and he smiled back dizzily.

"Just leave now… _Nymphadora_…" he teased as an escape of his own odd feelings.

"Tonks!" she corrected now jokingly before she made her way to the door.

"And I don't want you to buy me Wolfsbane anymore did you understand that?" he tried to sound harsh and firm but he only achieved to sound tired. "I'll take care of myself as I always did"

"I'll try to remember that Mr. _I'll be good all by myself_." she laughed at her own joke but the only thing he could think of was that she was leaving and he hadn't thank her properly.

"Nymphadora, wait." he called out anxiously.

"Yes, Remus!" she said, looking back at him and he felt the urge to smile at the hope he saw in her eyes. She really wanted to stay… to stay with him.

"Thank you, I'll never forget what you did today and what you were willing to do… for me." he whispered and she smiled happily making his heart lurch yet again.

"It was my pleasure!"

"Oh, and… Nymphadora!" he called out when she opened the door. He felt that he needed to say something to compensate her. He wanted to show her how much her gesture had meant to him, how much her friendship meant to him, how much… she meant to him. But he couldn't find the words and a lump had formed on his throat as he stared at her, waiting half-way out the door, a look of curiosity on her face. He knew he had to say something, she was waiting for an answer so he said the first spontaneous thing that came to his mind.

"I like your pink hair!" he said surprising himself with his commentary, yet he wouldn't retrieve from what he had said.

"You like it, really?" she asked smiling gleefully while running distractedly a hand through it and Remus felt his breathing catching on his lungs at her delicate gesture.

"It's nice and it suits you." he answered, his mouth dry at his own admission.

"Thank you!" she smiled again candidly and he watched her leaving with a strange feeling of emptiness. For the first time in his life he would have loved to have somebody's company during the full moon, not just anybody, Nymphadora's company, although he wouldn't ever let her stay and he felt guilty just to have thought about it.

He suddenly didn't trust the potion anymore, he was afraid that it failed, that she would still be at Grimmauld Place… that he would harm her. He would never forgive himself if he somehow harmed Nymphadora, he couldn't stay there anymore. He left his room noiselessly and headed hurriedly downstairs and left Grimmauld Place, de-aparating right after to his planned hideout. He would not risk harming her, not her, the one person who had just made the most touching gesture somebody had ever done for him.

End of Flashback

The increasing gloominess inside the shack brought him back to the rough reality. The day was fading quickly outside the blocked windows and Remus was starting to feel the usual nervousness that preceded his transformations. He walked through a door on the right side of the room that led into a gloomy corridor. He passed the hall and started up the decrepit stairs to the upper floor leaving footsteps on the dust. All the doors upstairs were closed but he chose a particular one; it led into a bedroom, the same bedroom that he had used to rest once in a while before transformations. The room was exactly as the last time when he had been there with Sirius, Harry, Ron and Hermione a few years ago; it had a magnificent four-poster bed with very dusty curtains.

Once again Remus let the memories flow as he took in all the details of the room but now he could only recall the bad moments. He was in an extremely bad mood. So many things were wrong in his life; his remaining best friend had died; he couldn't convince the Werewolves; and he wasn't supposed to have fallen in love with a woman like he had done but now he needed her comfort more than ever. He needed Nymphadora, sweet, gentle Nymphadora, more than ever. Just the recalling of that day when she had asked to stay with him while he was transformed, although harmless, was enough to warm his heart. She had bought him Wolfsbane although he hadn't asked a thing; she hadn't been afraid of being with him in a full moon day and he knew she would have stayed if he hadn't forbidden her. Remus should have known that day that he would love Nymphadora forever, but he hadn't been able to understand that just then. All he knew now was that after that day he had decided to buy her a good Christmas gift, because from that day on his feelings towards her started to insinuate with much more insistence. He knew now that, if not before, he had loved her utterly and completely from that day on.

A single weak ray of light which was entering in that gloomy place from a hole in the window let him know that the day was almost giving in to night… the moon was almost out. Remus rubbed his tired eyes as he felt the familiar anger taking control. Never in a million years he would give in to this love but he wasn't able of not thinking about her. He had avoided to let people come too close to him, he had avoided friendships and had not been successful with it; he had gained the best of friends and for what, James and Sirius were gone and Pettigrew was a traitor. He had avoided to let girls come too closer but he had lowered his defences… he had lowered them to Nymphadora because he hadn't been able to get away from her, he had been attached to her at their first touch, his first glimpse of her actually. He had let her come too close, he had let her become part of his routine, part of his life… he had let their friendship and their liking for each other to grow into something much more powerful, much more incomprehensive, to turn into love, the one thing he had run off his entire life. And now, because he hadn't been able to resist her charm, he was letting her down. He could have dealt with loving her unrequitedly but he simply couldn't deal with her love for him, with their love for each other. …And he had fallen so deep, he had never felt so deep, so strongly for anyone. She meant so much for him, he loved her more than anything in the whole world. Her smile had been the one thing who had kept him sane while living his miserable life amongst the other Werewolves; he had kept alive because she had asked him to.

The full moon was out there now, he felt it in his very skin. The pain of transforming was starting to overwhelm him and he knew he had to keep Nymphadora out of his life because, although his spirit remained untouched, his body would always be cursed under the everlasting moonlight. The wolf's instincts were taking control now while the excruciating pain of transformation coursed through his body and he wanted to rip off his own skin, maybe if he harmed himself he wouldn't be able to harm her. His last rationale thought was for Nymphadora, wishing that she would always be safe from him and then… forgetfulness.

Outside the shack the full moon was shining bright in the starry sky. It was a warm and perfumed summer night. But down in Hogsmeade, a legend is about to arise; for whoever might have been in the streets could have heard, cutting the peaceful silence, an agonizing howl by the moonlight.

A/N: So, have you enjoyed this chapter? I truly hope you all did. Anyway please, and I really mean please, please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeease, leave me a review . I'd love to know your opinion. This story has now more than 2000 hits, that's awesome.

Well, finally I got to use the British version of one of the books; fortunately I have the HBP copy so I think this time I got the canon speeches right ;). I had been translating them all and it wasn't an easy task :D.

I'm really sorry about the delay on this chapter but I've been very busy lately, hope you are able forgive me .

I really want to thank again to all my readers and especially to my reviewers:

A very, very special thanks to ellsiethecow, Lowri (bluekiwibubble), Wishing For A Love Like This, Ginny (Blackolives10); for keep reviewing this story, you are all awesome ;).

I also want to give a big thanks to Pipa (Unreal Wanderer) and Erin (Rivendell's Evenstar); keep reading and reviewing please.

And thanks also to Lylemma, slightsav, LDY-RBZ-BBALL4, Teenage Metamorphmagus, Rogue-aka-Nettie and Deb-lil; for either adding this story to your favorites or story alert lists, or adding me to your favorites or alerts. Hope to hear from you all soon .

And finally of course I have to give a very, very, very special thanks to Courtney (Princessdza), for all her awesome reviews and all the help and support. Thank you ever so much for editing this story and for helping me to improve my English ;).

Sorry I have just one last note :), I have been invited to become a Staff Member at the C2 created by Lostinsidesaveme; it is called "Harry Potter Challenges" and the Forum is awesome so if you all please check it out, it would be great. I'm sure you'll like it as much as I do ;). Thanks also to Abi (Lostinsidesaveme) once again for inviting me to join the Staff.

Well, to all of you the readers who are enjoying this story, I'll ask again, please review this chapter. I would be forever grateful :).


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